Almost My Mother In Law

I'm engaged to be married for almost a year, and am painfully coming to realize that my future MIL is perhaps mentally ill. I've been hearing lots of stories, and seeing behaviors building up over the last year that came to a head recently. It started about 9 months ago when my fiance's mother and stepdad decided to move CA where we live, from another state. They showed up with no plan and literally no place to stay. My finance let them stay at her apartment, which she almost lost because of it(really hard to bite my tounge on that one). Let's just say from the get go I thought there was something very odd going on. They have no money and aren't functioning very well. My F offered to buy them plane tickets to go see their first grandchild who is out of state, her brothers baby, who is 1 year old and they have never seen. We were at breakfast for my F's b'day last week with them, and her mother started acting very wierd about this trip, and upset that my F and I may not go at the same time. Keep in mind my F and I have already traveled to visit and meet the baby. She started saying I'm not even going to go if you're not, and acting like a baby. She left the room at one point and them came back, and started accusing my F of "forcing" her to make this trip, and don't ever do that to her again - very angry. According to my F, she never committed to going and let them decide when to go. At this point I stepped in(right or wrong) and said to her, would you stop trying to make her feel guilty(the guilt trips are unbelievable). She turned to me and said with a scowl on her face, what's your problem. Well, I said "your my f**king problem, right at the moment. I know - not the best thing to say, but I was really pissed at this point, keep in mind this is my F's b'day breakast. A couple of days go by, and I get a phone call from her husband, asking me, why were you yelling at my wife. I didn't want to talk to him really at that point, but I sent him a message saying I didn't handle it well, i got angry, but I didn't like what was being said and the guilt. Well, future MIL saw it and sent me a message that was so bizarre I couldn't even begin to explain it, her interpretation of what happened is so far from reality, I don't even know what to say, and within a day, she had called the rest of family, my possible brothers in law, my F's dad, MIL's ex husband, and told them this bizarre tale. Its awful, I hate that I am having feelings of just getting out at this point. The delusions that this woman has have came out in full force in this message to me, I've never seen anything like it, and it frightened me.
ninthave ninthave
46-50, M
1 Response Feb 5, 2013

Wow, well I always use this motto, "time will always tell the story." Distance makes things easier with in-laws, however when they live with you or very nearby, reality sets in and you have this opportunity to see what you are getting into.

Sounds to me like your "possible" future MIL might have some form of emotional issues. You can probably conclude that the in-laws have financial difficulties and if you marry your fiance' their money problems will become yours. Of course you are telling your side of the story. I believe there are 3 sides to a story, yours-hers & Gods.

I think you have to take a few steps back and punt, look at the whole picture. Maybe you might need to move out for a little while and get your head cleared and look inside rather than being in the middle.

Marriage means that you have made a committment to your family, meaning your wife. Where does your fiance' stand on this whole issue? Does she feel the same way you do, is she struggling with her family issues, and can you both work this out? These are questions that need to be asked, answered and solved before you get married.

Geeze, good luck. Ugh....