Future Mil Is Trying to Take Away My Honeymoon

I told you she was insane. my fiance was stuck at home yestrerday while his car was worked on so FMIL decided that would be a great time to come over and bust his balls for 2.5 hours. (i was at work) I get home and he tells me he had good news and bad news. good news - she's giving us $1100 towards what i'm referring to as a mini-moon (we're not going anywhere, just staying in the city we're getting married in for a few days). BAD NEWS - she's decided to not pay for half the wedding out of her pocket - instead she will be taking it out of his "inheritance" account and BTW you're spending too much on the mini-moon so find a different hotel because really for 4 days you shouldn't need more than $2000 anyway for all your expenses OH and BTW i'm freezing your account because i don't like the way you're spending your money. it's not what i had invisioned for it. and even though it's your account you cannot use it to pay for the minimoon. and don't you dare put it on a credit card - you shouldn't be starting a life together in debt. WE'RE ALREADY IN DEBT YOU DUMB ***** AND IF WE ARE GOING TO OWE WHY NOT FOR SOMETHING MEANINGFUL AND IMPORTANT TO US? ...and isn't it interesting she has to have that conversation with him when i'm not around and he has no car to leave in? besides feeling ******* raped by her actions, it just adds to the chipping away of our wedding day happiness campaign she started a month ago - even though we've been engaged for +2 years. YES weddings are expensive but it's been more than 2 years since the planning / spending began. all of this is not a surprise by a long shot. OH and did i mention we're getting married the Sat of a major convention weekend and every hotel is booked solid and you can't find anything less expensive than $350 a night and 20 minutes away from the reception at this point?! AND WE CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT HER. my fiance got laid off a few months ago and hasn't found work so in the meantime his parents have been paying our rent. we are grateful but this also means we're in their - meaning HER - pocket. and there's nothing we can do about it right now. i tried to hold in my rath as much as possible after he tells me this, and avoid a fight with fiance - who i guess i can't really blame since it's out of his control and there's no way to force his mother into treating him like an adult man who can make his own decisions about how to spend his inheritance money, even though he'll be 29 this August. He doesn't understand why i'm upset at the situation. He tells me nothing has changed and i have nothing to be upset about. He doesn't understand that his mother has completely castrated him, insulted me, and manipulated us both into submission. i tell him i don't want to talk about it and grab my journal and start writing because if i didn't i would end up exploding from holding my anger and hurt in. Not only is FMIL batshit ******* crazy, she's mean spirited and cruel and doesn't deserve my fiance's loyalty, not the way she talks to him. i'm 3000 miles and 3 time zones away from my family and friends and moved here to be with fiance, who was guilted into moving here because his father was ill. FFIL is better now. his family is the only support system I / we have in the area and they don't really support us emotionally. and they are not half as kind or loving or warm as my parents - which i realize in full now. somedays i just feel so alone and stranded and stuck i don't know what to do with myself. my parents didn't want me to move out here before the wedding but i did and that put a strain on our relationship for awhile. i can't tell them how horrible FMIL is because it will make things worse for everyone. and i can't talk to fiance about it very much or in detail because then it's like i'm constantly criticizing his family and that hurts his feelings - which i understand. i told a single girl coworker i'm friendly with yesterday she's luckier than she thinks...because it's better/easier to be single and alone then be with someone and still be alone. it's almost 4 am now, i guess i'll go and try to get some sleep. PLEASE WISH US LUCK - tomorrow we hear if fiance gets a job in a city +5 hours from here. We need to get away from MIL's brow beating and venom.
isolatedkitty isolatedkitty
26-30, F
2 Responses Jun 1, 2007

I agree with the person who talked about your need to cut financial ties. This is not simple, nor is it the ideal situation. However, as long as this woman has control over your finances she will continue to manipulate you and there is very little you can do about that, but once you can monetarily care for yourself, you can tell her where to stick her advice and also to stay out of your relationship unless asked.<br />
Start slowly, and then begin to need her money less and less. I can also say that the "potential inheritance" is just that, a way to manipulate and control you and your finacee. It is a long way off and also all speculation, so try not to focus too much on that.<br />
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Life is about making your own money, and your own decisions, and if family wants to help that makes things nicer and easier, than great. However, it needs to NOT be your main source of income or funds, because that gives her way too much control over your lives.<br />
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My husband and I did not go on a honeymoon, we used the cash we made from our wedding to put down on a house. <br />
Good Luck...

I have practacaly the same problem!! Sounds like my mother in law in exactly the same. Me and my boyfriend have been together two years and are supposed to be getting married in july. At first my MIL said she would pay for the whole wedding but when we said we wanted to get married in italy she changed her mind. We said we would use my boyfriends inheratance. Now she is being funny about that. She says that it really should be for when we decide to buy a house!!! I personally think it is cos she wants to still have some control over my boyfriends life. He is an only child, is your boyfriend. Not sure what to advise as i'm stuck myself, but at least you know your not the only one!!