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Brainwashing Mother In Law

It started two years ago when my family and I moved outside the city where we live now.   One day I told my 12 yr old stepson to do his chores and his response was I dont have to listen to you, you are not my dad. I have been raising my stepson since he was three and his blood father has never been around.  I said what do you mean, I not your dad?  He said my grandma said that you do not boss me!  I thought that it would discipate as he got older but it has gotten worse.  We had to file bankruptcy and move in with my mother in law for a while.  while living there I tried to stay out of her way, I would do this by staying in our room when I was there.  That was not good enough.  When my wife would get home she would start telling her that all I do is stay in the room allday and that I was no good.  My kids would come to me and say that there grandma was yelling at them.  So one day I told her to just leave them alone and she yelled f-you and I did not respond.  Later the next day my 6yr old daughter said that her grandma wanted to stab me.  I thought she was lying but then I found a knife on the washer next to our room.  A few days passed and I was in the room and I heard my daughter crying and then I heard my mother in law say shut the f up you little b.  So I went in there and told her to leave my daughter alone and that when we find a place to live that she would never see my girls again.  She then started to attach me with my daughter in my arms and I told to f off and left with my daughter and my younger stepson.  I did not return to her house and had to sleep in my camper shell.  I did not allow her to see my girls for around a month  and thought that she would change her attiude. I wrote a letter to her and appologized for my actions because I wanted to be the bigger person.  Well after all that she has really brainwashed my older stepson now.  He constantly runs to her when he is grounded or gets in trouble.  My son has attacked me twice now and even hit me in the face.  She tells him that if I touch him that she will call cyfd on me.  My son is to old to spank and I know that.  He calls me names and I have slapped him a couple times which I shouldnt have.  It didnt work anyway.  So now I gound him and he still runs to grandma and stirs up more problems.  I dont know what to do my wife seems to fall to the side of her mom alot and her mom treats her like crap also. Can anyone offer any help or suggestions?

Jerrya Jerrya 31-35, M 5 Responses Sep 26, 2008

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Having to LIVE with her? You made a big mistake moving in with her for any amount of time. My husband did that about 7 years ago before he met me. He had a 4 yr old, the apple of the IL's eyes, motherless son. FIL and MIL mean well, I think, but they have no boundaries and because she was basically my son's maternal figure until I came along when the boy was 8 and my husband had his own home for 4 years, she still wants the power and control. His mom still hangs it over his head all the mistakes HE has made and what a clueless selfish man and father he is. It never stops. She waits no more than 5 minutes every time he sees her, with or without me and the boy within earshot, to criticize, belittle, complain, and spew from her toxic neurotic brain. When her influence became too much, my husband cut her off. They sued him for visitation and got it. That was before the boy had a stepmom, me, who is childless and can't have any of my own, so I love him and mother him and he loves me. She doesn't have anything on me and oddly, she feels no qualms about beating my man down in front of me and the boy, so the boy sees this and what is he supposed to think? She makes him look like an idiot in front of his own son, her precious grandson, and is basically teaching him that grammy is perfect and his dad deserves no respect.
Now I'm at a stand still. Something needs to be done or that child will only get more conflicted and confused than he already is. Anyone successfully resolved this kind of ridiculousness?

wow!! MIL is making it very difficult. I think you need to get a third party involved--like a therapist or school counselor to have family therapy---exclude your MIL. Your MIL is brainwashing and confusing your children. Plus your kids seem to be traumatized of MIL's behavior. Its not healthy for u nor the children. I dont know if u r having financial problems, but get out you'll see a dramatic change in your lives.<br />
Since your MIL is always threatning to call child protective services. Tell school counselor,therapist of whats going on so you can cover your A@@ if they ever come for an investigation. Hope things get better for you

Jerrya, I am not a professional but this seems to be a very serious situation with the children involved. Because you are living with the MIL, it sounds like you probably would not be able to get counseling for the children. However, you might want to approach their schools about therapists or some kind of social worker that would be able to help them for free. I know must universities, law schools have free counseling - I am not sure about elementary schools. Secondly, get out of that house asap. Do whatever you need to - work a second job, have your wife work, etc. I don't want to make offend by talking about your financial situation whatever that may be - my point is just to get out. Is there a brother/sister of either of you that you could live with instead? Your MIL is obviously a very sick woman who needs help of her own. My best wishes to you and your children.

this mother in law needs her act together. tell her she cant speak like that in front your children, and if she continues to do so. Its better to LIMIT the visits.

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