Help!!

I found this site and couldn't be feeling more validation than I can ever express.  I need some advice.  Can somebody help me?  

We've attended numerous family events.  Everything was fine.  My MIL and I had a tiff (our first) months ago...no big deal.  So I thought.  Then after that we skipped Xmas with "the family".....I was 8 months pregnant with very difficult circumstances.  Apparently not a good enough reason for the inlaws.  I was not playing "princess".  What happened?  My SILs (2) decided that I had a problem with "the family", my MIL doesn't feel "loved",  and so SILs decided my DH (their brother) and I are no longer invited to family events.  That was Dec of '06. 

Oh, yeah, neither of SILs has met our baby....even though they drive right through our town to go see their mom and dad.  They're both married with children.  We do still see MIL and FIL. It's strained, but we do still see them.   We didn't cut them out of our lives the way we've been cut out.  I think that's one thing we've managed to do right. 

Honestly??  My DH is hurt.  I am hurt.  I hurt for him.  And I hurt for our children.  It hurts to be excluded.  I do love his family.  But I'm feeling like I, my DH, and my children are dispensible.  But, with that said, I'm not willing to go back and apologize for my "mistake" and neither is my DH or take 100% responsibility for the breakdown. 

MIL and I have had words again, which I'm sure will get back to SILs, but I am going to stick up for my DH and my family.  My MIL is upset over the situation and wants to change it but doesn't know how. 

Can anybody offer insight or advice?  

theoutcast theoutcast
36-40, F
5 Responses Jun 20, 2007

I'm glad you found the confidence to stand up for yourself. Just remember when bad stuff like this happens, and you feel afraid and alone, that there are people who understand and willl aways be on your side. Maybe theres a reason we have all found each other and have a 'sister' to lean on when things get bad?

I AM GLAD YOU STOOD YOUR GROUND!!!! THAT TAKES A LOT OF GUTS. I AM PROUD OF YOU.... NOW REMEMBER THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND IT IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT. DONT WORRY ABOUT YOUR SISTER IN LAWS. THIS TOO WILL PASS AND EVEN IF IT DONT IT WILL COME BACK ON THEM. WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND. YOU MAY NOT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT BUT GOD WILL!!!!

I appreciate your responses!! <br />
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The other day when MIL and I had words I did tell her that I am DH's "family" and that I come first. Period. I would pretty much say I won the last argument. She is religious (and so am I) so I did bring God into our last exchange. I basically told her God is on my side. Hee-hee. Ooooooo, was she mad. (I shouldn't gloat, but it's hard not to.) I told her that no one would come between me and DH, not even her. She likes to talk Bible but she can't actually recite any of it. But, that said, she knows what's in it.....If she was quicker on her feet she could have invoked "Honor your parents", but I've already thought ahead and have an argument ready for her if she ever does bring that up.<br />
My spirit has been so lifted after telling her off and getting some feedback from you all!! Thank you!!

I agree you did nothing wrong. You have just met the dr. Jeckell Mr. Hyde personality of MIL's.<br />
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Once you get married or have babies MIL feels like they own you like a thing and can use and discard you like a spoiled child. Better get tough, chica! This is why we marry for better or for worse. the DIL gets the worse!<br />
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I am a lady with two sisters and my mother would parlay one or both against the other all the time. Its manipulative and hurtful but you have to ignore it and put your family first. Put your own sanity first so you can take care of hubby and kids!

You have nothing to apologize for. Being unable to travel due to a difficult pregnancy is above and beyond a good reason to not go to a family get-together. If your MIL wants to change the situation between you and your SIL it seems she just needs to sit down with them and say that she has no problem with you or your DH, and they shouldn't either. You have done nothing wrong, don't feel bad.