Negitive, Negitive, Negitive

I 'm recently married but have had the opportunity to live with my mother-in-law for the past year.  I have always considered my self to be a pretty positive person and I always try to find the best in people and give them the benifit of the doubt when negative situations arise.  What has kept my relationship with my mother-in-law even a little positive is the fact that I try to be understanding of some of the difficulties in her life, but I believe everyone even me has to draw the line somewhere.

 

She is the most negative person I have ever met.  I have known her for five years now and have lived with her for the past year while saving for our new home and I have never heard her say one good thing about anybody.  Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying shes a bad person after all she did let us live in her home for a year and I appreciate it very much.  However it has been one of the hardest years of my life.  As I said befor she is negative and I have continued to go shopping with her, play games with her in the evenings make sure that we all spend quality time together as often as possible but it is never enough.  I don't feel that I am being to extreme to not invite her to my nephews birthday parties eccsspecially when my family has expressed their own negitive feelings about her to me, but if you ask her I am going out of my way to leve her out.  I thought when we got engaged she would be happy for us but I was wrong.  We then made the big mistake of trying to plan our own wedding.  This was the one thing that I put my foot down about.  It was our wedding and we were going to do it our way!!  Even though we went against her wishes and had a beautiful destination wedding in the carribean I thought that on the day of our wedding she might be a little happy for us.  Wrong again!!

I am at the point now where I am beginning to not care, which is very out of character for me, but also a little relieving.  As I said befor everyone has their line and she crossed mine.  The day of our wedding, the happiest day of our lives, she was miserable.  She had her whole family on a beautiful vacation, her husband her three children which I married the oldest of the three.  She told everyone their that it was the worst day of her life and how unhappy she was.  We still, not just that day, never got a congradulations a card or even a atempt at a fake smile.  It has been a while since the wedding and their are times where I feel that I'm being petty but I just can't seem to forgive her for her behavior that day.  I think I know why.

I said before I always try to see the positive side of things.  I always kept in the backof my mind that she was a good mom.  That part of the reason she was so miserable was that she sacrificed everything for her kids as most moms do but she was having a hard time letting go.  I completely understand this whole concept.  What I can't accept because I am also a mom, 5 years old girl, is this.  I always made the excuse for her that she really loved her children and somehow that thought made it easier to deal with her but on the happiest day of her sons life she was so self involed that she couldn't even say congradulations.  I love my husband more that anything in this world and the pain she caused him is unforgivable in my head.  I feel that I was dooped.  She is not a super mom that made all kinds of sacrifices and went above and beyond she is in fact very selfish and mean.  She is miserable because her children are running away from her her husband is hiding as much as possible, she has no friends and not even her own sister will come visit her.  SO I HAVE THIS TO SAY TO HER

 

I am done feeling sorry for you, everyone has ****** things happen in life. The only way to prevent it is to die.  If your not going to do that then it is your responsibility to start living.  No one can change your life but you and I am done trying.  If you can't make one true friend in world of 6,000,000,000 people you need to stop blamming the world and stand up and look in the mirror.  So I am going to move on now and take my husband and children to live a full and happy life and you are welcome to join us as soon as you can enjoy us.

Love ME

minnie78 minnie78
26-30, F
3 Responses Jun 26, 2007

I sympathize with you. I think it'd be hard to forgive a MIL who can't even be happy on your wedding day. I do hope she can accept that her son is a grown man and can learn to look at the positive side of things.

I am sorry to say but I have no respect for women who hide behind a childish and selfish concept of love and play out their narcissistic and abusive tendencies while hiding behind the statement "because I love" this or that.

Good REAL relationships are based on a single solid rock of Respect. Your MIL has no respect for anyone. I am sorry I have sympathy for such people and sneaky portals that open into drama. Your MIL is an overgrown child. And children are selfish, self centered, manipulative creatures looking for just two things - attention, and instant gratification. Its fine when it's a 2 year old you are talking about. It's not when it's someone your MIL's age.

Most people don't achieve that state of transcending that initial natural childishness so essential to an infant's survival (if it doesn't throw an attention-seeking tantrum, it doesn't get its food or diaper change). It's called growing up. Your MIL hasnt, and I am sorry but just getting married and bearing a child doesn't qualify a person as a grown up.

I am amazed you have made so much effort to accommodate her. That's commendable. Frankly, I would not have. There is no human being or relationship that's worth your dignity. None. That's my standard, but then I can only speak for myself. It's a personal choice and/or limitation. So kudos to you.

I hope you are able to find your piece and keep it. And I hope that you do not make the same dispositional mistakes in the name of "love" ever. It's abusive and self centered. Love is. Anything that "wants" is. Respect gives and let go. Warm, secure, devoid of abuse. Demand it.

Two corrigendums for my post above:

I meant to say: "I am sorry I have NO sympathy for such people and sneaky portals that open into drama."

And "I hope you are able to find your PEACE and keep it."

Apologies.

your story is wonderful i love it.<br />
my mil is so sly she will do and say anything to my husband behind my back to split us up, just to have her son there with her al by herself, as she is scared of being on her own. i live with my mum past year with our son and ge lives there with his mum, and every time my hubby sais to her nthat we are gona live together soon she throws a fit and says he is better of there with her and his dad, she is a complete and utter old fashiod old *****!!<br />
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i am at the points where i want to be far away from my mil and fil as possible as they only live half hour away from us.