Winding Up . . . .

I don't even know where to begin. I've been with my husband for almost 11 years. We have been married for close to six years. We have to children -- 2 and 5. I am a full time law student. My husband works two jobs. I am an only child. My husband has one brother and one sister. I am very close to my mother but I never see or speak to my father. My husband isn't really close to any of his family (because they are all ******* crazy.) So, for the first 5 years my husband and I lived quite far from both of our parents, so there was never an issue. When we moved back home, the bullshit started. Actually, he has never had problems with my mom -- she's not crazy. But I DO NOT get along with his mother. Unlike the typical MIL, my MIL is not an overbearing, imposing loud-mouthed etc. She's almost worse. She is passive aggressive and manipulative. She is one of the most unaccountable people I have ever known. She has most of her family believing she is scared to death of me -- although until last weekend I don't think I'd ever, in 10 years, raised my voice to her. She makes the ugliest comments to me, but they are always when we are alone. And explaining the circumstances of the comments and the context -- well, it all gets lost in translation. It's her tone of voice and her mannerisms and her demeaner -- it's really hard to explain these things. She has said things to me like "Well, I've just had to accept that you are who you are and you are never going to change." Note, when she said this to me, we weren't talking about me or what she thought of me -- the comment just sort of fell out of the air. And I wasn't even aware that she was having a difficult time accepting me. She calls me anal because I sort the laundry! She never communicates -- she'll ask to see the kids and then she just doens't call or she says she will take them for the day and is back two hours later. She just shows up, and when we aren't there she calls from our house with the kids like "Where are you, I'm at your house?" She's filthy. Her house is a pig sty. She has two huge dogs that are the most ill mannered animals you have ever seen. She lets them climb all over the furniture. She doesn't own a mop, so there is hair all over the floor. (She actually has a sock on a swiffer.) She keeps spoiled food in her refrigerator. She feeds the kids cheetoes for dinner. She's cheap as hell. Not that this is a huge deal, but she has absolutely no fashion sense at all. She drinks all the time. My sister-in-law is a brittle juvenile diabetic. She is 30 and wasn't supposed to live past 25. She and her husband are currently living with my MIL because they have no money. My MIL hates my SIL's husband and they literally live in the same house and don't speak to each other. She blames him for all of my SIL's problems. This makes me crazy because my SIL has clearly made her own damn bed. She is an alcoholic and she smokes like 2 packs of cigarettes a day. She has only 25% use of her stomach but she will tell you she is going to try to have children. My mother in law fabricates stories about my SIL's husband that are just not true. For example, my SIL and her husband got into a fight one night and she decided to leave for the night. So, my MIL calls up and says my SIL is coming home because her husband tried to kill her. I would say that accusing someone of attempted murder is a pretty serious thing. But, when it all comes out in the wash, this wasn't at all what happened. They were both drunk and got into an argument. She went at him and he pushed her. She fell. The end. There have been countless stories just like this one where the facts, in the end, are nothing like the stories my MIL and SIL tell in the beginning. My MIL ******* about my BIL's girlfriend. She says how bad she treats him and how she acts like a child. All of this sounds terrible, right? BUt wait, lets step back for a second -- my BIL in 35 years old, he has worked as a dj in a Dallas stip club for the past 10 years and his girlfriend is, guess what, 19! He just got her pregnant and all my MIL can talk about is how this girl acts like a child. Well, she IS! I'm not so dense that I dont' know she ******* about me behind my back as well. I don't have room to write down all the covert comments and incidents, but believe me they are there. I stay away from her as much as possible, but when I have to deal with her, there are usually problems. My husband tries to stay away too, but he feels sorry and obligated. This ****** me off because she seems to have done a pretty good job of convincing everyone that she is innocent and I am some big mean monster. It's all bullshit. How do you deal with someone like this? I'd like to put my foot up her ***, but this would validate her representation of me. I don't know. She gets me sooooo twisted and pissed off. And I just want it to not affect me.
MsPenni MsPenni
26-30, F
1 Response Jun 29, 2007

Well I almost had a MIL like that but thank goodness I did not marry my ex. He was nuts but his mother was worse. I know that you don't want people to think you are a bad person, but if they know you, they should know that anyways. As long as you are going to make it easy for her to act that way, she will. I think that maybe you should start sticking up for yourself. You are married into this family so you have to somehow make things work. Being miserable is not a solution. I say, stick up for yourself and she will either A. wake up and realize she isn't going to get away with treating you like crap anymore and knock it off! or B get mad and not speak to you again! Woop di doo! That would be a big loss! Or I guess she could make you out to be a bad guy, which from the sounds of it, she is doing that anyways... so what do you have to loose? Anyways, that is my advice. I wished I would have stuck up for myself more with my ex's mother. She claimed to be this perfect Christian when actually she was a back-stabbing witch! It was over 4 years ago that we split up but she and her crazy family still harass me when they get the chance. I was the adult one through the whole damn thing and it didn't get me anywhere. Sometimes I wish I would've just stuck up for myself cuz then I would've felt better knowing I got it all out and made it known how I feel about them. Anyways, best of luck, I really hope it works out better for you, whatever you do. I'll be thinking of you! *hugs* :)