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I Live With My Mother In Law

I'm not really sure where to start because this is my first time on any forum so here it goes. Me and my husband have been together for 4 years now and we have been living with his mother for about 2 years. I feel like if it is just me and my husband we are fine but when I'm not around they make decisions without me. They decide what we're having for dinner, they decide when the grass is going to be cut, they make these small decisions and no one ask me how I feel about it. I don't know if I'm being silly or if this is really something I should be upset about. I know if I tell my husband it will turn into an argument. I feel undermined and unimportant. Please tell me am I being silly or not?
TheMaid8611 TheMaid8611 22-25, F 3 Responses Oct 26, 2013

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I dont think you are being silly, take a stand for yourself if ur unhappy leave the situation until it changes, theres no point in feeling uncertain about ur own feelings trust ur instinct its wrong and they r treating u badly.

Dear,
You are feeling exactly what i felt when I was with my mil.
She and the fil control the house although its ours in the paper.
She asked my husband to do chores around the house and ignored my presence.
I can tell you a whole lot but let's just say you are not silly. They are being silly.
Tell your husband about how you feel gently and persuade him to move out a have a real family life with just the two of you.
Otherwise this is not gonna lead you any good solution.
please trust me I just moved out 4 months a go and I swear I will never go back there again. Living in a garage is better than a life there with a mil.

Thank you Doctor2012 I had a feeling it wasn't me. I am so upset about this whole situation sometimes I just feel like packing my stuff and walking out. I know I don't deserve this. I am nothing but nice to her and I feel like she doesn't like me and she says thing like "oh when I was married I did it all by myself. I worked, cleaned, cooked, and raised my kids." Like rubbing it in my face because I cant work because I stay home and take care of our 2 yr old. We cant afford day care. When she says that I feel like saying " Yea when you were married, I wonder what happened to that!" lol But i don't I just keep my mouth shut and walk away. Ok so this response is getting a bit long. Thank You so Much I just really need someone to talk and vent to. I am so happy I found this site.

You are not feeling silly. I ve been there. What I learn is try to move out from your in laws if u and your husband afford. Your husband is in the middle....Believe me, it will get worse in time unless u can pretend nothing happen. But as time pass, you will feel more n more depressed. Maybe you thought of trying to do things to be appreciated like one of the member, you won't succeed....because you need to understand a cruel fact that you are not their flesh blood but you can try like I do.....you just need to understand it nt your fault ...

Thank you for your response. I had a feeling in my heart that it wasn't me. I do feel depressed about living here. As time goes on my anger grows towards both of them.

It seems like your husband sees his primary relationship to be with his mom, and for her - well things are just as she wants them with her son firmly by her side and not thinking too much about you. In her mind, you come AFTER her. You will never find the right balance in your relationship living with MIL and the longer you stay, the more it will fester for you. They don't do it to purposely exclude you, they are just being thoughtless about your feelings and likely wouldn't react well if you brought it up, telling you you're being too sensitive. You're on their 'turf' but they don't get that and have not seen the need to make you feel part of the team. If when you leave as a couple, your husband continues with these private pow wows about things that effect you, then you have a problem that needs to be discussed privately with him.

You know I'm sitting here now balling my eyes out because deep down I knew I was right. I knew it wasn't silly. But I was hoping that I was because that means that he is not thinking about me like you said being thoughtless about my feelings and that hurts.

I wish I could reach you through my computer and give you a hug. You're not alone in your sentiments. I ,too, have my mother in law on my property and it's too close for comfort. She's been living with us for 10 years. Yes, a decade. That's 9 years and 364 days too long. She is the definition of vile and sadistic. I can't believe she's my husband's mother. Like, he came out of that evil thing. Really? Anyway, please stay strong and don't let this depress you. You have to keep a positive attitude for your little one. Just remember that there are some of us in internet space thinking of you and sending you good luck wishes.

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