Who the Flip Are You?

I live with my husbands parents and have been doing that for our whole marriage- 2 1/2 years. At first everything was honky-dory. My MIL was a dream. She would hang out with me we would all go out for dinners and plan thigs together. After about a year I learned her tru colors. To my dismay she plays favorites. this is something she would deny but I can see how she would prefer to be with her daughter way more than her son, her only son who is also my husband. I understand that gender plays a roll in this but when you make it so evident it hurts. Now my hubbs is use to this but not me. About 6 mos ago the daughter was over with the 3 year old daughter, only grandaughter or grandchild she has (she obssess over her) the little girl adores me and my MIL can't stand that she throws fits on how she loves her GD sooo much but all she wants is to be with me, so she buys her all kinds of stuff, she does that to anyone she wants to like her. Anywho My SIL her daughter and a family friend (female) was over. My MIL was at work as well as my Hubby and my FIL. The girls were avoiding me so I went to our side of the house and stayed out of their way. My SIL came over and said we're going to Target, wanna come? I said no thank you and so they left. About an hour later they returned and my SIL asked me if I was going to eat with them and I said I already ate, she was confused and asked me if my MIL had called me to ask me if I wanted to meet them at a restaurant. I told her no one has called. She felt awful and asked well, do you want to go? I had already eatn and was in my PJ's I had to say no. I was hurt. That was the first slap in the face. She did apologize after my FIL told her she did wrong, but I couldn't shake it off- what's a person to think? I felt deliberatley forgotten. Now, my sister had surgery this mondsay- a laperoscopic cystectomy on her left ovary, I had that and it is pretty delicate. I asked if my sis could stay over a few days and she said it was ok. the next day, a Fri she asked bout her car where she was going to kepp it (here in the country club we can't have any cars parked in the driveway or in the street without permission) I told her we ould ask permission and she made a big, huge deal about how my SIL got a ticket last week when she was over cause grandma got really sick. I was worried so I told her I will talk it over with my hubby and see what we coud do. When my hubby got home she fussed over the situation and we started wondering what we could do. She said " I'll let my husband know and he can call the front gate and ask" she never did, when sat came around I asked my FIL and he said "she never told me a thing, you just have to call and give them your story and the lic plate # and your set" easy right? i should have known then that she didn't really want my sister over. I let it go because I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. Come Monday she ignored my sister nad said " I would come in to see you but I had a long day" this in't like the MIL i know she will be very hospitable. So I thought maybe she is tired, I could tell my sis felt bad but I tried to avoid talking about it. Tuesday she texts me to ask how my sis is doing I said fine," she said "she should get out of bed and walk around, resting can make you more sick," I told her "she's doing better she will be going home soon" she said "how long did they give you permission for the car?" I said " a week" she said "ok, c u tnite" I should have gotten it there but I thougt txs dn't translate as well, That night she cam in to the guest suite where my sis was staying (also my SIL room) and just kept saying how when she had surgery she was walking and out of bed and how no one took care of her she would be home alone, that my sis should get up and walk around I saw the look on my sis face and realized what my MIL was doing, my sis started getting up and I said "well, you're a mule you did sit ups after your apendectomy, 150 of them and were sent to emergency, p[lus, doctor's orders were for her to rest for 24hrs , sism you're doing great if you want to take acouple steps go ahead but don't feel forced to" She just stared me down changed the subject and went to bed. the next day 4th of July she would hardly speak to me or to anyone, she was telling my hub hoe my SIL had two weeks off and so on and so on he got what she wanted but wouldn't tell me. I let my sister go home last nite because she was "feeling better" or so she said, but I know what was realy going on. UGHGHGHGHHGHG!!!!! Why is she acting like this? doesn't she realize what she is doing?! Why couldn't she just be honest and tell me she had plans for the room? I'm really starting to get to know her reall good, I can't wait to get out of here, the details of the story do imply she's evil or getting there her excuse is that she hasn't been herself and sh'e sorry, yeah she wrote me a note saying she feels she hurt my hub and I and that she's sorry. How do I know she's really sorry. My FIL spoke to my hubs and excused her behavior because she is stressed out aobut Grandma, but that she told us my sis could stay over cuz it was the right thing to say. the right thing to say is the TRUTH! My sister, my mom and I are hurt. I hate feeling this way. I'm grateful for all they have given us, but I never asked for a thing they did it out of their own will. RAH! I am so frustrated. I'm jaded and there is no going back. I can forgive but this is one more thing that is working against her disguise. Ugh! I'm so upset!
Thinklikeher Thinklikeher
22-25, F
1 Response Jul 5, 2007

You got married early. But even though my wife and I are highly educated, we lived with her parents for over a year not too long ago when we were in our late 20s. It sucked. I thought it would be cool at first, and it kind of was, but we became second class citizens or something. All I can say is that it's best to live on your own, not because it's wrong (I actually think Americans have it wrong and other cultures are correct in being more giving and supportive), but because Westerners, or Americans in general, are so ******* individualistic. They only help or are nice if they can get something out of it. And when they do help, it's not even in a polite way and it sucks. <br />
But besides that, I have a similar situation, or had one. I was ignored growing up by my mom and my wife hated it. But she always encouraged me to call my mom out on it. It was hard though cause i was used to it, you know, them talking over me, ignoring me, my feelings, and so on. But it was good that I finally saw the problem and realized it contributed to my depression and problems growing up. Remember though that your husband, and I, also played a part. We allowed them early on and for a while to behave a certain way. But it doesn't excuse everything. So anyways, I called my mom and siblings out on forgetting my birthday one year (they would never forget eachother's, especially my sister's). It helped with things a lot, but I still feel this disconnect or lack of interest by my mom. She's more attentive, but maybe because I have a son, whom she adores. Stick in there, try and get out. It's hard though, the prospects of making it out there today are tough. Do what you can though, find friends, or something.