Post

My Wife Is Too Attached to Her Mother.

First of all, let me apologize for the long story. I just have so much to get out of my chest. So here we go.

My wife and I have been married for 8 years now and have two beautiful children together. We are a happy family when my MIL is not in the picture. My problem is that she's ALWAYS in the picture. My wife and I work two hours from home and don't spend as much time with the kids as we would like. That only gives us weekends to spend QUALITY time with the kids and of course each other.

My MIL lives at a convenient distance from us. Not too close, yet not far enough. She babysits the kids for us while we are at work (We pay her VERY well for her services). I appreciate the fact that the kids are being looked after by their grandmother. It makes me feel a lot better about working two hours from home.

I understand that she needs time to relax and be an adult. That's why I don't complain about not seeing my wife on Tuesday's and Thursday's when her and her mother go to yoga class together. I simply pick up the kids on those days, spend time with them and put them to bed. Then of course, after taking a shower and maybe reading a few chapters, I go to bed myself.

My MIL lives by herself. My FIL left my MIL because he couldn't handle the relationship between my MIL and her mother. Just to give you an idea of how the women in my wife's family were raised, my wife is one of three women of over 30 women in her family that are still married. Only three of us are still around hoping to cut the umbilical cord between mother and daughter. The women in that family were all trained from birth that mother knows best and that mother is the only thing that matters in this world.

Excuse my French, but that's bull $h!t. I agree that mothers are certainly very important in our lives, but they are not EVERYTHING in our lives. I love my mother more than most things in this world. However, I'm married now. I can't shove my wife's and kids' needs aside in order to make my mother happy.

I only have two days out of the week to spend QUALITY time with my wife and kids (keep in mind that we also have to mow the lawn, clean the house, do laundry, go grocery shopping and run other errands during those two days.) We don't have the opportunity to spend enough time as a family as it is. I don't want my MIL to be in the picture while I so desperately try to enjoy QUALITY time with my family.

This lady craves more attention than a 6 month old child. She's constantly complaining about being broke, tired and in pain. Let me add that she's only 51 years old. It's sickening to me how my wife falls for her manipulation.

I've spoken to my wife on a number of occasions and she always changes for a while. Then of course the MIL always manages to make my wife feel guilty. I can't take this situation any longer and even though I don't want to go this route, I'm seriously considering getting a divorce. I don't feel like I have a wife. Why stick around and pretend to the world that I'm happy.
technician4pc technician4pc 31-35, M 53 Responses Jul 8, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

You're telling me. I'd like to apologize in advance for a long response and for any foul language in this response. My wife (who I've been married to for 3 years now) has the same mentality that her mom knows best. My MIL thinks the world is coming to an end and she's even giving specific days on when it's suppose to happen. She's trying to tell me to get out of the union because I'm gonna supposedly be forced to get a computer chip (mark of the beast) embedded in my wrist. She tells my wife to pull all our cash out of the bank and stash it. I open up an investment account and start trading stocks. Within the first month I made a $500 profit. Not too long after that, MIL finds out about me trading stocks, she yells at my wife telling her to tell me to pull all that money out. I pull out the money and give it to my wife to keep the peace with her and her family. But I'm giving it time, as soon as the time passes and nothing happens (with the world ending and government conspiracies), I'm putting that money back and trading stocks. This ain't the first time my in laws told me what to do with my money. Another time is when I had a work truck that was perfect for my trade, I'm an ironworker and I do side ironworking jobs for extra income. The truck I had was an F-350 crew cab 4x4 powerstroke (7.3 not 6.0 or 6.4). That thing would pull weight that you wouldn't believe. And I was able to play in the mud with it. And with it being a crew cab, I was able to bring more people with me when I'd go to the beach or up to the mountains or etc. But what do my in laws have to do with the F-350?, well, they saw it as a loud money sucking gas guzzling too big of a truck and that I needed something smaller. They don't yell and complain to me, no no, they yell and complain to my wife. Everyday they'd ***** about the truck, they'd either call or come over, and my wife would talk to me about it at the end of the day after I came home. One day I came home early from work and my in laws were over. They start telling me that I should get rid of the truck and put the money away and I told them, "listen, I'm putting more money away than what I'm spending, I work for my money, I pay my dues, I provide, and you know what, I like my powerstroke, I've had it for 4 years now, I bought 2 1/2 years before I met your daughter, it gets 20-25 mpg and that's excellent for a truck that size and it barely has 200,000 miles on it, that's hardly breaking in a diesel and the fact that it's a diesel, it still has a lot of life left in it and it's an excellent truck for those side jobs I do." They argue, "That truck doesn't get more than 10 mpg, it's too big, it's too loud, you're constantly fixing it, you're wasting your money on it, GET RID OF IT!" I asked them to leave. Then a month passed and their still bitching about it. Finally my wife sat down with me and convinced me to sell the truck for peace with her family. So I sold the truck. And now I'm stuck driving a piece of $h!t Toyota with a 4 cylinder gas motor, single cab, 2wd. That thing gets the same mpg as my powerstroke. But it's gutless and now I can't do those side jobs anymore because the Toyota gets stuck on the account that I had to drive though mud half the time to get to the job. Powerstroke had no problem with mud with it having a lift and 4wd. I even played in the mud with my powerstroke. So I sold the powerstroke and the money is now stashed under my mattress. So now the only option left to convince my wife (that her parents are full of $h!t and they're just trying to control us) is to give it time. She said to wait til January 2015. I agreed, and I told her that if nothing happens by Jan 2015, then all the money goes back in the bank, we buy another powerstroke, and I start trading stocks again. I also promised her that if she listens to her parents again after the time has passed, the one of two things will happen, she will either lose contact with her parents or we go our own separate ways because I'm sick and tired of having to miss out on things and having to lose things that benefit me. I'm sick and tired of being held back from moving forward. I'm still in the union, MIL hasn't been able to convince to leave the union. Today is March 20, 2014, I still have a little over 9 months. I'm 25 years old, I still got time to live up to my goals and dreams. Again, I apologize for the very long response and for the foul language. But yeah, I hear you, I think you should tell your MIL to back off and sit down and talk to your wife and try to convince her to stand up to her mom.

I hear us bro. I feel like I was reading what's on my mind. I am suffering the same dynamic. I have never seen anything that disgusts me quite this bad.

You and me are singing from the same hymn sheet. My wife does whatever my MIL asks her to do, its driving me crazy. The MIL is the cause of all the problems in our marriage.

When my wife leaves work she will pop into see the MIL and ends up staying there for an hour or two, and as if that's not bad enough, when she gets home you can bet you bottom dollar that the MIL will ring up to speak to my wife. I mean isn't seeing my wife for a couple of hours after work enough for the MIL? and she wont just ring up once, she rings up at least five or six times the same day and the phone calls last for 30 mins or more each time! Even though her son lives closer to her than us she always gets my wife to do her running around for her, and my wife never says no. If i ask my wife to give me a lift somewhere or do something for me, 9 times out of 10 she will say no, but when the MIL asks her its "Yes mother, i'll be there". This is driving me absolutely mad!

I really am losing patience with my wife and am starting to fall out-of-love with her. She just cant see what the MIL is doing to our marriage. I have spoken to her about it but she just shouts and argues with me saying its my mum and i'll do anything for her. We have been married for 12 yrs and have two kids which, to be honest, has kept me in the marriage, or i would have walked out long ago. She seems to bend over backwards to help all members of 'HER' family but not me, 'HER HUSBAND', not only that she is abusive and rude to my mum and family members. I said to her 'you didn't need a husband, your mother is enough for you. You should have married her', That didn't go down well i can tell you.

To top all this off she doesn't do anything around the house, no dusting, gardening, cleaning, nothing, maybe wash clothes and dishes now and then, but that's about it. I do all the house work but now I've taken a stand. I've stopped doing the housework and I've just let the mess pile up in order to shock her into taking action, but it hasn't worked, she'd rather spend that time with the ******* ***** MIL. I am on a knife edge. I am seriously considering walking out and then eventually filing for divorce. My kids are the only worry for me, nothing else. If i could take them with me i would. Then my wife can spend all the time with the MIL that she wants.

Sorry about the long rant but i had to get it off my chest. Please any advice would be helpful. What should i do? It's like i'm living a nightmare and there's no way out of it. The MIL has ruined and continues to ruin what slight glimmer of hope there might be between me and my wife.

Please help....

There is a need for boundaries. Then again, you cannot cut her off from her mum. Imagine if she does the same to you.

I am living a worse kind of nightmare where my wife is staying with her mum and I am living alone, with no access to my kid. And she refuses to budge. Just decided to let her be if that is the kind of upbringing she wants for our kid. Won't be surprised if he grows up thinking he can be abused by women, and brings home a wife who does the same crap to torture him.

Guess you can also have some 'me time' with your own parents as well. I don't see how that is a problem. Enjoy your own life, shower kids with love, and try to tell them what is acceptable and what is not, and teach them to fight for their rights.

You cannot control her, but hope she realises her problems for such bad behaviour. If she cares for the kids, tell her nicely that she is showing the kids a very negative attitude towards the in-laws, and that she should expect the same sort of disrespect in future from the spouses of her own kids, because kids will always tend to emulate their parents. Also, if she wants her kids to have proper marriages with mutual respect, she has to learn to do it herself.

Put down some of the chores and shower her with some love. Maybe what is left is just a sense of duty, and she feels neglected at home. Get a babysitter, take her out to dinner and have nice conversations about life. Think of how it was a long time ago when both of you were in love.

I'm going through exactly the same dynamic. It's horrible and I can't take much more. I love my wife but the worst side of her is what she picked up from that *****. I can't trust them together because they will lie to the pope to save face in one of their ploys. My wife is simply obsessed with this black widows bullshit. I see through her because she is transparent. She cares about herself and needs to get a **** ing life and stay out of ours. The best advice I can give you is to keep hanging on to your self control so you don't off the *****. There will have to come an opportunity to get rid of her because it's sick not healthy what they call a relationship. I could go on and on but you are feeling my pain.

I feel bad for all of you.. My wife and I have been married for 2 years now. In the beginning things seemed to be heading in the direction that it has for all of you. One day I told my wife That I am no longer putting up with the crap anymore.. I told her that her mom is controlling and manipulating, I let her know that I wont put up with it at all. (we had only been married about 2 months at this time) I told her that if she didnt cut the ties I would be gone by morning.. That night her and I moved out of our place and into another one about 2 weeks later.. we struggled for about 2 weeks but now that her mom is out of the picture our marriage is stronger than it ever could have been. we havent seen her mom in almost 2 years now. And like is said that if I hadnt of did what I did in the very beginning I never would have been able to separate them. Now that her and I have had all this time to grow closer and closer with out all the interuption and control from her mom there is nothing that could take her away from me now. and she is 9 months pregnant.... She relies on me more than she ever did her mother and she loves me for loving her enough to save our marriage before she had a chance to ruin it!! to this day her mother doesnt know where we live or even that we have a baby on the way. as a matter a fact most of her family doesnt know where we are or what we do.. my point is that you all need to do something in the beginning when she trusts you and knows that you are only doing what is best.. the rest is history.. Worked for me.. Just need to get your balls out of your MILs purse and take charge of the situation.

I believe the one that is controlling and manipulating is you. I feel sorry for your wife and your future children taking away from them their grandmother the woman that gave birth to your wife and that with out her your wife would not be born. I hope that you are doing the same thing to your mother not talking to her for years,that she do not know were you live and never get the chance to know her grandchildren. It is only fare. I hope your children do the same thing to you went they get married and have children not to include you in anything to do as you were dead maybe the way you could see your self for who you really are a monster.

Disagree. To have a normal, fulfilling marriage, sometimes we need to set boundaries and remove toxic influences from our lives. Can understand perfectly where he is coming from.

Oh my goodness I just want to cry reading this. I am the wife and I have been married for 23 years. My husband as allowed so much crap from my inlaws into our family and have felt so alone and betrayed by him. Never would if guessed that a man could be going thru this also and feel just I do. So sorry you have inlaws like I do ... I hate my life. 5 kids later and I live a very controlled life from him and his parents. I wish there was a easy way out. 23 years and it gets no better. !!!! Get out while you can or you will be me one day :(

my mother in law is evil plain and simple. i hate that ******* *****. i will now have to go therapy to recover

I don't Think you should do that. Will you be happy if you leave your Wife, A hubby can be happy without wife but a Father cannot leave his Childrens Mom & try to be happy. Even My MOM has bought me up as a single Mother, & Iam Proud that my Hubby takes care of her as her own mom & We live together On the Same floor Though in different Flats 1 appt is of his parents 1 of ours & 1 of my MOM. We are happy if not your wife who else will tc of her. Even I hated My MIL but my hubby made me Understand the value of Parents & their Importance We cannot leave them when they need us. So please dont do that stupid thing Please may b cz loving u & failing 2 express may b fear that c says u that ur d nly 1 c luvs u may not like cz helping her mom &all jus tak 2her in d manner that it wont hurt her or if not speak to ur MIL surely c musnt want to be an obstacle between u 2

Thanks for this article. This happened to me and very much struck a cord as I read it. We were married for a year, but the mom was constantly manipulating my wife about how broke and unhappy she was until we began giving her money and taking her on trips. Then my wife told me that she was going to move in with us. I had enough. I loved my wife, but I felt like my wife was constantly putting my MIL's happiness before my own. I couldn't deal with it, talked to my wife about how unhappy I was, but she insisted that I was selfish and an ******* for not wanting to do things for her mom. I could see myself ten, fifteen, even twenty years from now living for her mom. Stuck with her till the day she died. I couldn't accept that. So I filed for divorce. My wife was sad, but she didn't say she would change. She never begged to work things out about her mom. Her mindset is still the same. I'm sad for now because I love her, but I know that I avoided a lifetime of sadness. I will find happiness again someday. I still have hope.

I need help desperately before i lose my wife.

Im a strong minded guy and posting on here is not me, but im at a dead end and have no one to speak to for advice.

My wife and MIL are best freinds she spends 5 days out of the week with her they do everything together and even when shes at home shes either on face book or the phone to her.

She dosnt anymore but did stay alot of time at are house and i would be asked to give up my spot in me and our wifes bed for her to sleep in, whilst i took the couch or in with one of the kids.

This has since stopped due to argueing over and over with he wife about it.

The MIL is a total bossy controlling women who makes all the decisions in what ever social group shes in.

The wife will not tell her NO to anything even when she dosnt want to do a certain thing she will go along and do it for fear of upsetting her Mum.

Her husband who has had a break down is a shadow of a man he used to be and basically sits to her command.

With out being cruel theres not many of his family members ive spoken to that have a good word to say about her.

The MIL is suffercating our relation ship and for years now ive just gone along with it as speaking to the wife about it is us a no no.

Ive tried so hard to prise my wife of 6 yrs away from her mother but it never works, we just argue and then we both suffer.

On certain occasions or after bad events the wife will say she will lay off, but within a few days we are back to the start.

The MIL and a few other family members have drove my wife to breaking point to the point where she has thought about killing her self and has been to A and E and now attends therapy.

Ive been trying to support her through all this, the arguement was bettween them not likeing me and talking about me to one another in bad tense.

I do not know why she dosnt like me as ive neglected my own family to do for hers.
Many freinds and family say its jelousy of me and the wife does spend far far to much time with her mum.

The wife is only happy when shes with her Mum and even after all the bad words they said about me she has gone back to them again.

Im surposed to just carry on and be the out sider in this family, when ive bent over backwards for her family and they treat me like this.

I litrally hate her with a passion and the wife this time has not asked me to make freinds for her sake as she knows i will not.

Butt i feel deeply betrayed that she can go back and carry on with her like nothing has happened after the way they spoken and think about me.

Basically they have won they got me out the picture and can now dig there claws into my wife and kids while i sit at home alone.

Im to scared to speak to her or ask her to chose between us as i feel i will lose, and i cannot lose my wife and kids even if it means living as second best and a depressed mess my whole life.

Its very hard for me as my mother left my father and they got devorced in a very bad way and its scared me all my life, i swore i would never put my kids through that EVER and i would rather rot in missery till they was older than see them suffer.

Now i sit and cry alone as i feel abit better after i have let it out abit as i tend to keep it all in.


Please help me...... im desperate man who loves his wife and kids dearly and im about to lose em throught no fault of my own plz plz plz i need of some advice and guidance. Danny

I am in the same kind of boat. My wife is like a lamb in front of her mom and listens quietly when her mom is hurling abuses on me and my family. I have a 10 month old and it was for her sake that I had to keep quiet. Background is that my wife is not even living with me, reason: her mom would not let her go and be with her husband. The last time I brought up the topic of divorce my wife started crying. It was a pure emotional blackmail and that too in front of the baby. And something in the back of my head stops me from filing a divorce because by doing so there is only one loser : The baby. MIL is too rich to give a damn about anyone or anything else. I am really in a fix here.Any helpful words appreciated..!

Gents, take a stand! Doing the right thing is always better than allowing abuse to continue. Consider this, you were already an adult when you met and married your wife, yet you are struggling with the tension of your wife being pulled away by her mother. Imagine what this will do to the poor little children born into this stressful situation. It will leave them insecure and unsure of themselves to say the least. The most important thing you can give your child is for YOU to have a solid relationship with their mother. It is on this solid foundation that they build their lives. Do not feel afraid or guilty. Sepatate your wife from her mother, not because you hate your MIL but because you love your wife and want the BEST for her and your children who also happen to be your MIL's child and grandchildren. Knowing the true reason why the relationship of bondage that exsists between MIL and wife must be broken frees all parties to do the right thing. I strongly encourage you to exclude hate from the equation, arm yourself with clear selfless reasons and then firmly but lovingly claim back your family. Don't wait till your 35 year old children tell you what you should have done - then it will be too late.

I really feel your pain and what you are saying. Me and my wife have been married only six months and to top it all off, we are temp living at the mil house-what a nightmare. I have also spoken to my wife about this as well because I feel that she tells too much of our business to the mil. I never run to my mom about our relationship cause its not her business and I handle it on my own, but again I believe that my mil has a curse or something over my wife and manipulates as much as she possibly can cause she is freshly out of a relationship of six years and it didn't work out, sonshenfeels the need to ruin ours. With this new year being a day away, I have decided to give my wife one last request to stop it or I may have to leave this marriage cause I am not happy with the way its going right now. I love her but I can't take it anymore!!!!!

is the only answer

my mil on surface is very nice,but she is very artificial and a scheming women.when my mil is not in picture, there's no problems b/n me and my wife,let my mil visit for a day ,my wife's behaviour changes dramitically,i really don't understand why she is behaving thus she is slowly but surely driving wedge b/n me and my wife,i am at my wits end,i think big D

My wife and I have been married for 5 years and she goes to her mother house after work stay over ther til 12midnight and tell me time flew by she have been doing this for five years. I love my wife. I have talked to her about this she said she loves her mother every body loves there mother and would do any thing for there mother. Her mother is retired with no man but need my wife to run her around this is bulls*t. My wife take here mother to the stor when she get of of work and her mom been home all day doing nothing and she has a car to go any place she likes but will call my wife with some sob story then my wife give in I wonder some time is she married to me or her mother,My wife does not clean the house or wash clothes or cook any more this BS is killing me might have to do the big D

I just got a divorce for the same things going on in my life. Been divorced for almost 2 months. Been separated for 8 months. Let me tell you it's the best thing that has happened to me!! I loved my ex wife dearly, I really did, but after 7 years of that BS and rarely seeing my ex, I can honestly say I barely remember her. Time heals all wounds.

And yet you let this controlling manipulative woman watch your children even after seeing what she helped turn your wife into. Her next step , If you protest all this will be to begin to turn your children against you. And then get you out of their lives. FGS pay someone else very well to take care of your children and cut at least half the cord.

Im speaking from experience. You will be happie alone. Living with a controllng mother will destroy you anywY. In her eyes and eventually in your wife's eyes also, you will work too much and not make enough money, you will never ever ever live up to a controlling MIL. Its that simple. So get out

My soon to be MIL is a ******* ****

My soon to be MIL is a ******* ****!!!! Insane, ignorant and rude, she likes to fake being generous to me, then tell me how I will owe her later! **** off I say! My soon to be wife is metally abused by this woman, it is ridiculous, I hate the situation and I really need to figure out if I can move forward with my fiancee'. At this point I'm really not sure I can and I do love this woman!!!

Only been married 10 months, and from the beggining her mom has been her closest friend. Drives me nuts cause most of our issues between me and my wife go through her mother first before I even hear about it. And sometimes I dont hear about it, communication is lacking from her I would say, that goes to say me asking if theres any issues and getting no response and that things are fine. There is nothing worse in a marriage then the mother in-law knowing most of our issues. Hate it hate it hate it, considering divorce if nothing improves

WOW. This is my life...... I feel so sorry for all you guys, but I am also glad to know that I am not the only one going through this misery. (thank God for the internet).... I just sent my wife of 8 months back to her precious,can do no wrong mother 2 weeks ago today, and am going foward with the divorce. Of course I do love my wife, but a little heartache now is better than a whole lot of heartache later if we were to drag this sick game on for another 8 months, or 8 years! I feel hatred towards my

MIL and also my FIL(he is pretty bad too). But I keep reminding myself that it is not my MIL and FIL,no matter how sick and deceptive and controlling and manipulative they are. The responsibility for our marriage dissolving rests with my wife, because she didn't EVEN WANT to stop them from ruining our marriage and just put me first. Even though I tried to get her to for 8 months, and she promised me before we got married that she would not let them control her. By the way, my wife is mexican and someone told me that this sick problem is more prevalent in mexican people. Is this true?

About your mexi MIL don't bother theirs worse MILs try having a IRANIAN MIL she will put u in so much pain that u rather take a bullet in ur brain rather taking a wife that doesn't look @ you when her Persian Queen Mom arrives and make ur life a living nightmare and to think I sponsored my MIL to my Country so I can make my wife happy -Try having a MIL from Iran in ur home for 3yrs only to be put out of ur own home for 10 months I finally I put my balls together and went back home and made my MILs life like Hell -(Remember one thing I had my wife's sister and Father to as well as my MIL ) I was so nice and trusting and helpful towards they s Iranian In-laws only to be Terrorized by them and Im a Sicilian that takes no sh#t from any one Trust me u don't have the worse But in my Experience a Mexi MIL are 2nd in line its in there Gens to care for a Daughter just enough to call it quits

my mother in law is controlling and manipulative. i dont know how to fix this and i am considering a move to the other side of the country. she calls EVERY night at 7:30 exact. you could set your watch to it. then they talk for an hour or so. after that its bath and bed time. done. she shows up and cant leave without making their next set of plans to get together. this woman has gone so far as to celebrate six month birthdays. when she visits its for no less than an entire day. hell they even want to vacation together. this has been going on for over 10years. i love my son and would bear the weight of the world for him. so rather than leave i have gone to the doctor and had myself put on antidepressants. this is a lonely life...and i use to blame the m.i.l. but now i realize that my wife is just as much to blame for allowing it to happen.

OH hell yes your wife is more to blame for allowing this in your life Trust me your not going to win this one sorry pal

The cord can only be cut when when we are born. That's the only chance she had to cut it. Now you are just a sucker begging to be the primary relationship. I got divorced for this very reason. A marriage that is secondary relationship is not with saving. It's always the same story, MIL has separation anxiety from her children. You are not going to fix that.

I am in the same boat. My wife is completely attached to her mother. I cannot stand her mother! She is so annoying and so dysfunctional. I am thinking about moving. The stress of the entire situation is really making the marriage suffer.

very very common theme. i have come to the conclusion that its a control issue placed on the daughter by the mother &/or father from childhood so that the daughter feels she cannot do anything without factoring in how her parents feel.

this applies to my situation anyhow - mainly driven by the MIL but the FIL is so downtrodden by the MIL that he supports this terribly destructive behaviour.



so who is to blame? i spent years blaming the MIL - & finally got my wife to agree there was a problem, only then to find out that she hasn't/doesn't want to change the situation anyway. so i cannot be angry at the MIL anymore(i have no right to ask her to change, i am not married to her), it is my wife that has the power to remedy the situation but has decided to continue with her behaviour but be sneaky about it & hide it from me.



i can give many examples - although not as extreme as some of those previous, but none the less it is continued belittlement of our (once) bond as a couple - i think complaining about all the letdowns & examples doesnt help, either on here or directly to my wife, as they are still there affecting me day-in, day-out.



the only solution i can see, for the sake of my own sanity & so that my daughter doesnt see a father who despises her mother, is to leave and start afresh. i hate the idea of divorce but i hate even more the idea of still being in the same situation in another 10 years.



people - take stock of your own life - we only get one go at it so don't let 15/20/30 years go by being miserable & unhappy. if you are 2nd place after 2/5/8 or in my case 10 yrs, you always will be, chances are you were there to provide the children that make MIL so happy & thats it.



my hope is that others who read this will gain some clarity for thier own situation, thats all. take care of yourself.

this really sucks same thing going on here but what is it called must have a name ?

YA MILs from Hell

Heia







Hope you can help because I am at my absolute teather and can't face a life with my wife to be and mother in law.













My fiance is very close to her mother, like most girls. Unfortunately, not only is she close to her, her mother is her best friend. So not only do I contend with a mother in law, I contend with a mother in law who is a best friend.







She used to ring at all hours until I persuaded my wife to put a 9pm limit there so we can have our own time, but that is raw with them, and they my wife or MIL don’t like it and occassionally still rings her mobile at 10pm saying sorry it’s only a quick question







Generally her mother treats her like a 12 year old. Pulls her away from me to hug her, if we are sitting down she will pull my fiance to her and craddle her and kiss her head (We are both 26!!)







My fiance sees nothing wrong though and I am the bad guy for having a vendetta against her mother. I just want her to cut the cord a little and for her mother to let us live. my fiance speaks to her everyday and tells her everything that we do.







Her mother is very demanding of her attention and time, and tells her to cheer up if she goes to visit and isn't all happy and smiley. She has had a go at me for not being happy and I told her I am what I am, I won't change.







I am just petrified. I don't want to give in and let them rule the roost, but if I carry on I can't see us being able to carry on.







Her mother will organise new years eve in October to make sure we all attend, and I then get a row for suggesting we do something with our friends and not her family. her mother has already asked if she can be there when my wife gives birth(years off wanting a baby) and when I suggested that it should be our moment I had a row.







Please help me find a way to get my fiance to see what I am saying and to start our own lives and cut the cord. I say lets set boundaries but she doesn't want to and all I hear from them both is how good their bond is. My fiancee always feels sorry for her parents, and her parents put a lot on her. I'm petrified I will lose touch with my family and get dragged into hers especially when we do have kids. Please PLease please help,

In the past she has taken a call from her mother in tesco for instance, and left me just standing there for 10mins, even after getting back from hols as I'm getting the bags she rings her mam, but she cannot see why this drives me mad. Today we arrived back from honeymoon, and when landing we texted both parents as we waited to get off the plane so say we had landed safely. It was 5.30am, and her mother rings her and my wife takes the call. I try and explain why this drives me insane but it's always barked back that I'm trying to ruin their relationship. Please please help, any ideas how I can get through this with my wife and MIL? Neither think they are doing anything wrong, it's just a healthy mother daughter relationship.



Everything is so dramatic and if it happens to them it’s x 10 worse than anyone else,

Please any suggestions would be great

This sounds a lot like my situation, except for all the phone calls. We've been married for a few months now, together just over 4 years and my wife and mother in law are close.

It's more like a friendship than anything else and I think that makes it worse as there is very little room for respect of my wife from MIL. My BIL is also toxic and will verbally abuse my wife, through text messages or to her face. It makes me so cross and I've recently stood up for my wife and told her brother to back off. My wife suffers depression and always says her family were there for her. I can't abide it when they become the cause of it though.

The MIL hates it because she doesn't want outsiders perceiving her family to be dysfunctional -bit late for that I think - so she won't even tell her own husband what's going on. Very unhealthy. Right now we are effectively being told not to discuss any arguments as though we caused the issue when it is my BIL who should be sanctioned.

I hate it all. I just want us to do things ourselves, do more things with friends. Have lives of our own and not make arrangements with these ingrates. I can't see it getting any better, especially when the situation repeats itself routinely every 6 months or so.

It's all so predictable, that's the frustrating thing.

hiya,



I posted earlier this year about my wife's relationship with her mother and mother with my wife. In the past she has taken a call from her mother in tesco for instance, and left me just standing there for 10mins, even after getting back from hols as I'm getting the bags she rings her mam, but she cannot see why this drives me mad. Today we arrived back from honeymoon, and when landing we texted both parents as we waited to get off the plane so say we had landed safely. It was 5.30am, and her mother rings her and my wife takes the call. I try and explain why this drives me insane but it's always barked back that I'm trying to ruin their relationship. Please please help, any ideas how I can get through this with my wife and MIL? Neither think they are doing anything wrong, it's just a healthy mother daughter relationship.

My MIL has always been the bone of contention between my wife and me. Now I feel like she is trying to come between my daughter and I . Sometimes I feel my 3 yr old loves her nan more than me. Am I being patanoid?