Visting Mil's Home Makes Me Uncomfortable.

My MIL is rude, crazy, selfish, and obnoxious. Long story short, my husband comes from a family where the way MIL showed her love was to make fun of and be-little the children. She insults and makes fun at her kids and thinks it's funny...to this day all four of the reciprocate and demonstrate the same behavior. Since my husband and I had started dating a few years ago, he does not participate in this behavior anymore (as I explained to him it is rude, and not normal for families show their love for one another by putting each other down...families should support and lift one another up).

So anyways, every time we go to MIL's home she starts in on someone. My husband's obnoxious sister just spurs on the mother's excitement and comments... they are two peas in a pod. Everyone is trying to out-do the last comment. And they are all showboats...they want all the attention on themselves. And if they don't have the attention, they will make an obnoxious comment or do something to get that attention.

 I feel embarrassed and out of place at her house, and anytime we are with his family. I value people's feelings and feel that everyone should be respected. My husband knows his family is weird...MIL has even said to ME that "we are a strange family" strange doesn't even begin to describe them. These people drive me up the wall. I don't want to alienate myself from them completely because unfortunately they are my family, but on the other hand I am not comfortable in that environment...I have boundaries and they definately get crossed when I am with them. They carry on like high school children...we never have any adult conversations at family gatherings...it's always immature conversations. I feel as if I'm hanging out with a bunch of kids.

 Any advice?

Linszw5v Linszw5v
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 27, 2007

I'd stop visiting actually. If you plan on having kids imagine the harm that would do to them.

How do you stand it?? I also feel uncomfortable in my in-laws home mostly because they treat me as if I'm invisible. They won't make eye contact or initiate a conversation with me. I get tired of carrying on a one-sided conversation so I have begun to either avoid going to their home (my husband will go alone) or I will go and sit quietly and speak only when spoken to. My MIL and FIL have expressed to my husband that they feel I'm the one being rude but they wouldn't be speaking to me anyway!! I have come to the conclusion that I am in a lose-lose situation. I'm am working on controlling my emotions and grinning and bearing it! Good luck!