Backstaber

Ok so I always heard these horror storiese about the in-laws. So when I met my husband and he first invited me over I was needless to say really nervous about meeting them. But I finally did and I loved them. The problems didn't come until  six months into my marriage and it was mostly his dad. I know wierd huh? In fact until about last month I loved his mom. She helped my sew a dress for my best friends wedding. She would go shopping with me to help me find the best deals of stuff. We lived thirty minutes away and the only reason I contuined going to their house for a weekly dinner is because of her and my sister in laws. (I still love my sister in laws and one of my brother in laws) The other brother in law reminds me of his dad from time to time but I can sometimes stand him. Anyways back to my MIL like I said we were buddies and everytime her husband would say a rude comment to me she would get all over him for it. So I really felt like she respected me. Anyways this whole thing started last month when my husband got a new job about  an hour and a half away. Like I saiad his parents only live 30 mins away. Well for a year now my husband and I have lived in my parents basement.  The basement has everything we need but a shower and a kitchen. And its pretty big. Anyways since Scott got this job hisparents have been set on getting us to move in with them.They claim its to save him tim and money on gas. But it wouldnt save much in the way of gas. Plus we have a toll bridge he would have to cross wither we lived here or there so it really doesnt save much. And if we did move in there we would have a regular bedroom which (is right across from his parents room and the walls there are paper thin and you can hear everything) No thanks plus we wouldnt have a place to call my own and his dad is already always in our buissness I don't need him the involved my parents live us pretty well alone. Sure we are paying rent but that is so we don't have to put our first landlady on our application because we had lots of problems with her and can't trust her to give us a good rental history. Anyways so my husband came to me with the idea about moving in with his parents and I was like no and heres why. Well I went though a few bouts with my FIL about this. Than the week my FIL was at a scout camp and it was the first week of my husbands job which was July 2nd. I had sent my monthly update letters to the familys (we are spred all over the US) saves some time on the phone. I just told them about our 4th of July and that we had been having tons of fun. Well that same night Scott came home and we got in another agrument because he was bringing up the isssuie of moving in agian (he does everything his parents ask- thats another story though) well we got into it really bad becuase I am tired of competting with my in-laws for my husbands attention and discision making.  So anyways I guess when he took off he called his mom and left a message well needless to say the next morning i woke up to a email from her. Usually this happens they reply back with how their doing and what not. Or a good for you type reply. So I wasnt worried. But this one was different.  It was his mom saying that I had no right to call myself a wife and alls I wanted was a part time marriage so I didn't have to do anything (oh yeah I also quite my job in March because 1)I hated it 2)there were lots of illegal things going on there and despite going to every possable person I could in managment nothing was takin care of 3) Due to the stress I got a really bad medical contion where I was constantly sick. My body is still recovering and I don't feel I am ready to go back out there just yet.) So whe things I am negleting my duties when I believe the man should make the most money but they want him to stay in his medicore job where there is not much chance of advancement. And they want me to make the big bucks. So the kicker with the email though was my husband had read it first  and instead of deleting it he left it on there for me to see. So i was already a reck from the fight the day before . So i printed it up and took it up to my mom and said what do I do? Well anyways Scott came up and saw me in tears and my mom was like Scott you need to st and up to your mom for your wife because if she replys back its just going to make the problems worse. So than Scott came down and emailed her back and said how we felt about it and she replyed back saying I am sorry I upset you my son but I will not apoligize to Laura for what I said. I have nothing I need to apoligize for. I ment every word I said. She said I have stood by her from the begining and this is the first time i told her how I felt. He agian wrote her saying you need to apoligize for what you said and she said no I wont I wasnt being mean I was just telling her how it is she didnt hear the message you left me. So that was the end of it he stoped emailing her. She now just calls his cell phone to talk to him instead of the home phone. We havent been over in a month now and don't plan on going there anytime soon. But I dont want to make my husband choose between his paretns and me what should I do?

LauraLDS2003 LauraLDS2003
22-25, F
2 Responses Jul 29, 2007

Ahhhh....men! They really should hand out "How to be a Great Husband" handbook before they get married! In the handbook should say.......Always put your wife first before anyone, no matter what. (This will secure a tight bond between husband and wife and have a better chance of a lasting marriage). <br />
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Why doesn't anyone write something up like that???<br />
Us young wives, have to try to set them straight and to have it come back and bit US in the A@@! <br />
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We understand......We are here for you, anytime you need to vent.

I don't think he has to choose between either, here's why: You are his wife now. That means that you are #1 priority; it also means that he needs to make it clear to his parents that you are his biggest priority. Once he has made that clear, the choice is up to them. They can grow up and respect that you are a unit, they hurt you, they hurt him. Or they can accept that if they can't handle being respectful to you (at the least!) then they should also accept that you guys can't be around them any more on a regular basis (if at all depending on how bad the situation is).