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Sick and Tired of My In-law's Crap!

As I've been reading, I have seen that most women have had a great relationship with their in-laws until they've had children.  Well, now I can certainly see that my problem is common, although that does not solve anything....perhaps someone may have some sound words of comfort/advice for me...

My son is now 14 months old, and I have only managed to finish one page in his scrapbook.  Everytime I look at the pictures of our baby and family to choose the next one, I get incredibly angry, and I begin to think about the day my husband and I brought our son home.   We were not getting any sleep at the hospital, because the baby was in the room with us for the 72 hours we stayed at the hospital, and we had constant visitors throughout the day.  I was very emotional and borderline postpartum depression. (partially we believe due to the lack of sleep). 

So....we asked our families (who had already been in to visit 3 TIMES) to skip visiting until we got home and explained that I was not doing very well, and needed some rest.  My mother in law was VERY angry. 

The day we brought our son home, my mother-in-law came over, and criticized the way we had everything set up, how we were taking care of the baby, how we shouldn't do this, and we shouldn't do that, he's too cold, he's too hot.   I was starting to cry, as I was having a hard time emotionally, so my husband asked his mother to please leave.  She was livid, and said that we were wrong, and how could we treat her so disrespectfully, she is very hurt...and will NOT try to understand that we need a bit of space, how dare we....then she gave us the silent treatment for a full week.  AND never once apologized, although she got us to apologize for "the way we treated her"  ONLY thinking of herself as usual.......

My husband and I have moved out of town for his job, and now whenever we go to Windsor, we have to stay at my inlaws for the duration of our visit.  the two of us, our dog, and our baby, are stuffed into the tiniest bedroom in the house, with a single bed, and space only for the playpen on the floor.  We are living in way too close quarters, and all they want to do is sit at their house and take pictures of the baby, and keep him up all weekend.  they seem to forget that babies need naps. 

Now my husband's brother also feels the need to tell me what to do with our son, regarding what time he should be going to bed (apparently no naps and 9:30pm at night is bedtime).  I am absolutely livid and I never want to go to stay at their place again.

Things just seem to get worse and worse everytime I see that family.  I actually do love them  but I am so Angry and so sick and tired of being made to feel like I know absolutely nothing about the care of our son.  

Thanks for listening

 

 

 

soooooomad soooooomad 26-30, F 10 Responses Aug 5, 2007

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Dear friend ,
I must say mother in laws rather monster in laws , their prime job is make us sick that's all I am from India and here my mil wants me to just stay in the house and do coking cleaning and all, no friends meeting no going outside even it's been months me and my husband have not gone for a dinner date. It's really horrible living here.

I must admit, that worries me to NO END. I am so fearful of starting our family for the exact same reasons. I am at a total loss and I feel your pain. I get so tired of feeling like a fifth wheel in my own family, in my own house. It hurts me to know that there are others who go through this because I know how painful it is. I pray that God first deals with your heart on the matter so that you can come to some type of internal peace, then that you are able to communicate in depth how you feel to your spouse and inlaws, and finally that they have a heart to receive it and change.<br />
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Blessings to you.

I am really sorry to hear your story. My mother in law is a total witch and then conveniently forgets the things she does in worry of loosing face with her son (my husband). She tormented (sp) me for years. She was furious with us when we had our child because I wanted my husband to be the first to give my son a bath. But it all came to full stop, when she suggested to my husband to divorce me, they never liked me anyway, and move to virginia with my son. My husband was shocked - yep, I was right all along. My husband and I have been married for 19 yrs, and she still uses "passive aggressive BS" every chance she gets. Even recently when my husband's uncle was doing poorly, she emails everyone in the family but me. And then they call his cell phone, thats at the house, to give him updates. Tell me, did they loose the house number? nope, just being passive aggressive. I hate to tell you, it does not get any better. You just have to stop caring what they do and say. Its hurtful and juvenile, but you just got to throw it all in the trash, where it belongs.

Children need naps ( 2 daily at least) and a routine bedtime. I usually just get up and take my child into the bedroom that we are staying in, when we visit, and make sure that he gets his naps. I also have a MIL that thinks that her way is best. I just tell her thanks,but I am raising my child the way that I feel is right. I even ...nicely...told her one day that she was given the opportunity to raise her children, to please allow me the same. Also, you should really talk to your spouse...he is your backup and should be the one confronting the MIL. Just make sure to stay calm, don't badger her and ask your spouse to step in..giving him the details of your concerns (unbiased and calmly) so that he has knowledge of what is going on. Wishing you well

i am so sorry to hear that but like the other said get a room and when a hotel isnt available dont go. you and your hubby keep a united front and decide what is best for your child. and if they cant get on board then they can do without their grandchild because it is their privelege and they are really direspecting you when you think of them questioning yur judgement. unless your sloppy drunk doing harmful things to the child or just on some serious medication i believe that you will be ok.. do you really need their help?? and take into consideration that sometimes the elders just mean to give advice whether you ask or not. keep God first..best wishes

i am sorry. <br />
lashanda

I too am angry that my parents in law ruined the special day when I gave birth. I resent the fact that they caused me so much stress and anger when it should have been the best time of my life, having my first baby home. I will never forgive them for that, something they don't understand. They think they had the right to walk all over me, trample on my feelings and criticising the minute they came through the door. I was stupid and kind enough to let them stay for the weekend after I had the baby, they repaid me by telling me to get off my *** and cook sunday roast for 9 people they had invited without asking me first. Luckily my midwife was visiting at the time, and they all crowded around us picking at this and that saying I couldn't cope, I wasn't well, maybe best if i stopped breastfeeding and all that nonsense. My midwife ordered me to go to bed with the baby and shouted at them to behave more responsibily. They cooked me my dinner and left it to go stone cold before bringing it up to me in my bedroom. Huh they could have just brought a hot plate up and then continued with their meal, but no, I was last.<br />
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Anyway, it is hard for me to remember the good times when the baby first arrived, tired, angry and in pain. My midwife gave me some good advice. "If you continue to dwell on that episode, you'll miss great episode that comes your way". Acknowledge it happened, put it aside, focus on the good times you have with your child from then on.<br />
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Do you have to visit? My husband admitted he only went up to Hull to see his friends rather than his parents, so I avoided going up. <br />
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I wish you all the best, as I remember only too well the first time I brought my baby home, tired, worn out, emotional, weepy, just wanted my baby and me to get to know each other, didn't want visitors either. Only to face barrage of criticisms and abuse! <br />
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Batty

Do we have the same family? :) My MIL is the same way, always criticizes. I have started to stand up for myself, because he is my son, and I am his mother, and I know what is best for him. Please, stand up for yourself, it is the only way you will get this to stop. She will get angry, but please don't apologize. You are the childs mother, and you will feel better about yourself and about being a mother if you tell her that you know what you are doing. Things have changed since she had kids, and what was OK years ago is not OK now. Just trust your pediatrician and your instincts and you will be great. Stand up for your family, even if she gets angry. She will get over it, I promise. Good luck, and keep us posted.

Stay strong and stand up for yourself. Hopefully, you and your husband can stand united on this. Remember YOU and your husband are the parents and what you say goes. They will learn to like it or not. I used to make excuses for all of my decisions with my children but no more. It's taken me a while to be able to stand up say, "I'm the Mama!"

Whether you are at your MIL's or not you and your spouse decide whats best for your child. At nap time get up and remove him from the room and put him down. If you don't start standing up for yourself and your child now it will only get worse. Take it from one who has been there. When you are in town get hotel room. Even a tent would be better. Carefully consider advice from in laws keep the good and ignore the bad. You don't even have to argue just ignore the fact that he spoke or politely say yes and do your own thing. ...