my husbands "mother" is a real piece of work. not only is she a compulsive lair and backs tabbed, her delusional sense of entitlement has created a situation where she is blocked from calling, emailing or texting my husband. she continues to play games, but luckily my husband knows she's a nightmare & supports this joint decision to cut her out.

my issue is this: after 4 months of peace, she's calling again (the land line or from her husbands phone). as soon as she gets her claws back in our lives, my husband picks up on her shadow traits, like lying, acting inappropriately, anger & rage seep in like a virus. it's like her cords are stuck in him and I do blame her for all his bad behaviour. mothers are responsible for raising good sons. she is right out of a horror story, raising her son with cruetley, guilt and anger. lucky for my husband he was emancipated at age 13 and was removed from his evil parents. I seriously thought his stories were exaggerated, until I experienced them first hand. I wish someone would lock the pill popping nightmare up in a rubber room.

how do I keep her away permantly? we are planning on moving 7 hours away with a new phone unlisted number & address which will help. we cannot change our land line number as it's our work number.

any suggestions please send my way. I know not to feed her energy as she just gets stronger. cut her out like a disease. it's a full time job!
Bellalight Bellalight
41-45, F
3 Responses Aug 19, 2014

It seems you have 2 problems, your MIL and the effect of your MIL on your husband. Removing MIL completely will help to alleviate the other problem and protect your private life, but it won't take it away immediately or completely. My partner also behaves very badly the more his mom is involved in his life. I don't have contact with my MIL any more ( a necessary decision in my case) but I do make sure I'm treated with respect regardless of the reasons my partner is behaving badly. I never mention MIL to him, even if he brings her up I don't comment - I just let it pass, so any issues we have as a couple are dealt with as such, as couple problems. I can honestly say once I took this approach, all of the bad behaviour stopped in my home with my partner and was replaced with love and respect. Occasionally I can see he is worked up into a mood again (usually after talking to her as she has her way of pushing him to do as she wishes and he feels guilt and irritation for the episode and also for NOT doing as she wishes) - when I see this I give him a hug, tell him I love him, then I get busy doing something away from him so he can simmer alone. This works and keeps the MIL energy from causing fights between us. I'm wishing you luck and sending you lots of love to help get through these challenges you face.

kamalaksh is absolutely right-document & build a case, unfortunately you will have to seek a restraining order in this situation dear.
Moving away is a great idea, too bad you can't change the land line. Other than that you seem to be doing the right stuff, as long as your husband is behind you and the decisions are joint-you are good to go.
Good luck.

thank you all for the words of encouragement. I have been building a case, documenting her episodes, and doing exactly what you are all suggesting, ignore her & hug my husband when he does have to talk with her. I cannot wait to move far far away :)

I suggest you start to build a case. It's as simple as documenting the time and date of each incident. Recording phone conversations (check the legality of recording conversations in you country or state) and keeping any evidence material is also useful. If nothing can really be done, you can easily use your case file to get a restraining order, or seek legal action in regard to the stress and psychological strain you are both suffering from.
I know it seems harsh, but it seems you may have come to that point.
Best of luck...