My MIL has been visiting her new online boyfriend in Alaska for the past 7 weeks, and it was like being on vacation while she was gone. Now that she's back, it's like all that rage and frustration comes flooding right back with her. I prayed to God that she would stay up there and never come back, but God doesn't hear my prayers. Or worse, he does and doesn't care.

I feel like a tidal wave of anger and sorrow follows her where ever she goes. I want to give up and let the sea of salty tears swallow me up. But my arms and legs keep swimming even though I long to die.

DH and I are trying to have a baby, but that plan seems so far away when ever she's around. I'm sure the stress isn't helping. But because she's here, I only seem to have three thoughts running through my mind: how am I going to pay for everything (because she doesn't pay for one ******* thing and I am the only one in the home working), how are we ever going to make a baby with her down the hall, and I can't even kill myself because of her. She has "tried" to kill herself on multiple occasions, and because of the emotional damage she has inflicted on my DH, it would be a death sentence for him if I was successful. And I'm pretty sure it's still against the law to shoot someone in the face, even if that someone is your MIL.

I guess I'll just keep waiting to drown in my sea of tears.
WorkedtoDeath WorkedtoDeath
31-35, F
3 Responses Aug 24, 2014

Thank you both for your responses. She is getting very close with her new boyfriend, but moving to Alaska keeps her hesitant, at least that's what she tells me. I keep my fingers crossed that she will just move up there and stay.

I agree and love your statement "the minimum we owe our children is good mental health". Sometimes hearing something in a different way can really hit home. My husband is loving and supportive, and because he is a loving and supportive person, he is also loving and supportive of his mother. She has a lot of mental issues (I have all three of us in therapy), and your statement really made me come to the conclusion that our family relationship is at a deficit of "good mental health". My husband grew up in a physically and mentally abusive household (his step father regularly beat the crap out of him and his mother). My MIL had my DH when she was 15, and her 20 year old boyfriend (FIL) left her. So, MIL found a man to take care of her because she had no way to take care of herself and a baby. All she knows how to do is find a man to take care of her, and abusive men have a way of finding women who they can manipulate. And in my opinion, she got stuck at the emotional and intelligence age of a 15 year old. And my husband feels like he now has to take care of his mom because she isn't mentally capable of taking care of herself. She moved in with us after we finally convinced her to leave her last boyfriend (3rd long-term abusive relationship) broke her arm, her cheek bone, two ribs and her leg (all in separate instances). When all of this happens, what else are we supposed to do? We had to chose between two very hard options: have her move in with us or deal with the guilt that we didn't get her out and her boyfriend kill her.

As for my DH, he is disabled and has finally gotten well enough to go back to school. I was really having a rough weekend, so there are other pieces to the story that are always hard to get out all at once. I love my husband, and it would just be so much easier if I could leave and divorce them both. But I can't. I want to also be a loving and supportive wife of my husband who has a mother with all of these big issues. I just wish we didn't have to do it all under my roof.

I can relate to you feeling love and tenderness towards your guy, who wasn't graced with the luck of having a healthy and happy mom. It leaves a terrible, sometimes life long impact, especially on men it seems. I'm there with you on that part. So now what he owes you and your future child is solutions with the end goal being a healthy and happy environment to raise a child. I really think if you focus on creating that environment, there will be no argument about MIL needing to move on, for the sake of her child and her future grandchild. Have you read the book TOXIC IN LAWS (and also TOXIC PARENTS for your husband)? Those would be very good options as a starting point to help you feel empowered.

Is there a glimmer of hope that she may follow up after her trip and move to Alaska? I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that she falls so head over heels you don't even see her any more.

I think it goes without saying, the minimum we owe our children is good mental health to be a loving parent. This takes loving ourselves first. Love yourself enough to pick a partner you can really see having a loving and supportive home life with to share with your children. Trying to fill a void is the worst reason to have children. Get yourself well and happy - which means you must take a big long break from MIL, no matter what hubby says. This is about you and making yourself well. You deserve to have the opportunity for a fulfilling life full of love and respect.

Good grief, move out and leave the jerk. What in the world is your husband doing to support the family? this sounds like you need a new lease on life-divorce. Good luck and don't commit suicide-they will win then. Be in her face and give her chores and aggravate her as much as possible until she moves out. And maybe your husband will follow her. Don't have children with this guy he sounds like a deadbeat.