Annoyed

Background: My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years now. He was 17 and I was 21 when we got married. We now have 4 beautiful boys ages 2, 3, 5 and 8. My husband is in the army and we currently live 1 1/2 hours away from both his parents and my parents.

We got married 6 years ago after knowing each other for about 1 month. His parents constantly sat us down and told us we were "playing house" and that wasn't allowed. So my husband finally decided we would get married. We both to this day will admit we were pushed into it and we would have gotten married to each other but not as soon.

After we got married we had to live in my MIL and FIL's house. His 7 yr old sister, brother (who also was pushed into getting married and ended up getting married the same day we did) and his now ex wife and my husbands uncle were living there. Between everyone living there we were paying pretty much everything and MIL and FIL barely had anything left to pay. She was so lazy, didn't work and expected me and soon to be ex SIL (we'll call her "A")to clean her house. We all worked and I also had my son from a previous relationship that I was taking care of. I also found out I was pregnant. I finally got fed up with paying everything and cleaning her messes so we found a place of our own. Apparently everyone else was tired of it too because we all moved out around the same time. MIL was fine with everyone else moving out but when it came to us moving she put a HUGE guilt trip on my husband. Told him she wouldn't be able to pay her bills and she would be forced to live in a roach motel or worse not have a home. My husband almost didn't move. But after much tears we moved out. I had an issue with her shortly after because my 2 yr old went and stayed the weekend with her and "A" picked him up and MIL told her she didn't enjoy the time he acted like a spoiled brat the whole time. I was livid. I wrote her this letter telling her I don't want anything to do with her and if she can't accept my son she's not worth it. When I gave it to her she went straight to my husband and pulled him out of work to cry about it. It caused a lot of tension and my husband ended up seperating only for 5 days but we did. To stay with him I had to try to get along with her. So since I love him, I tried. We ended up having to move back in with her because we had a REALLY creepy landlord who scared the crap out of me by knocking on my window at 3 am to make sure I wasn't being raped. So we go back to her house. I have my son. She thinks she's supposed to take over. I would wake up and make a bottle and she would get him and take the bottle from me. I'd stay up until he went to sleep but she would not give him back. This caused me to be depressed. Recently when that son asked her why he loved her so much she said "hmm I don't know maybe because when you were a baby your mommy and daddy didn't wake up to take care of you so nanny did"!!! I was so upset. This woman has never come out and said she didn't like me, well not that I know of and never to my face. I don't know if she does like me or not I just know she's a b!tc#! She's constantly doing or saying something that upsets me. We've been in our own place for over 4 years now. She would always expect us to go to her house every weekend. She expects holidays to be shared with her. One Thanksgiving she made me so upset. My parents lived 6 hours away then and they wanted to come up Thanksgiving night to spend time with us. When I told her she said "can't your parents just leave us alone for one holiday or do they always have to try to butt in". My parents alway got us last on holidays and she said that. She always tries to make my husband do things that I don't want to do. Our 3rd son was 7 weeks premature. I was in the hospital for a week before I had him because my water broke. When I went into labor it was 5:30 am. She had my other 2 kids at her house. I never thought about calling her to tell her I was in labor I was in pain and the only people I wanted was my husband and my mother. I had the worst time ever with that child. I started pushing at 9 cm instead of 10 because I felt I had to. The power ended up going out and he got stuck they couldn't find forceps and when he finally came out he wasn't breathing. When she got to the hospital they wouldn't let her back in the room because of how things were going. She actually got mad that she was kept out of the room. My husband left for Iraq leaving me home with 4 kids my youngest one being 1 1/2 months when he left. I was trying to get used to doing everything on my own, our first deployment, and having all the kids and getting used to being a mommy of 4 now. We would go to visit her and she would talk to my husband when he called my phone, she would make sure she was on the computer around the time he would get on and either take all his time or wouldn't let me know he was on, my mom called me to let me know he was on. My van broke down while visiting them and my FIL said he would fix it. My son almost failed school because we were stuck down there so long. FIL would either sleep or sit outside by the van in a chair and just stare at it. I finally had to call my parents who then lived 6 hours away to come help me. She got pissy with me because my husband called and neither of them asked to talk to each other so I wasn't giving the phone to anyone. She said, "the next time he calls you could hand the phone over to someone else because I'm sure they would like to talk to him too". Lady, I'm his wife, I'm the one taking care of his kids and everything else. I'm the one who HAS to talk to him. She knows our kids aren't supposed to do or have certain things and she constantly argues with us about stuff or goes against what we say. She does stuff with them that normal people don't let kids do. Like gives them sweetner packets at resturants, gives them sugar water to drink, tells them they don't have to use forks, will let them go outside with no shoes on and no jacket or coat, allows them to stay up however long they want to even after we tell her they need to be in bed at 7:30, gives them really spicy food even though they don't like it, will take their toys away from them and hide them or throw them away because they annoy her, will put their hair in hair ties and baretts or clips (they are ALL boys), she'll tell me when I say they can't have something that they can have it. She'll let them dirty their nice clothes, which I think is on purpose. She loses their clothes or shoes. She's constantly reminding me that my husband's ex girlfriend that he was with when he was 14 and she was 12 was his first love. My BIL is dating my husbands ex gf so it makes it really difficult for me and MIL knows this. When I say my husband doesn't like a certain food because he told me he didn't, she'll argue with me that he does like it. If I say he does she'll say he doesn't. When I cook the dishes that everyone always loves she'll tell me that she could show me a way to make it take less time or a way there won't be as much grease. In Aug. she came to live with us for a little bit. My husband got back from Iraq in July and she came in Aug supposedly because she couldn't find a job and if she didn't get one she was going to lose her house and there were no jobs in her small town. So I thought it might work out if she came, she got a job and I also got a job and she watched the kids while I worked. Well, she came. I put in apps all over and about 3 weeks before I got my job I got hurt. My knees locked up and I couldn't bend them. So a couple days before I got the job is when they finally figured out what was wrong and I had to go to physical therapy. By then I could bend them but I was still in pain. So she's here, I'm working and going to physical therapy 3 times a week and taking care of the kids when I was off. My husband had to leave again to go throught training. She then decided that my BIL needed to come stay with us to get a job also. Then about a week later decides that his gf needs to come too! So I had all 3 of them there, I was the only one with a job. I would go to work at 5:30am and get home at 4:30 pm. My house would be trashed, nobody cooked anything for dinner, the kids were a mess and I was tired and in pain. I would come home, cook really quick get the kids to bed, clean everyone elses messes up and try to straighten up. Nobody once helped me clean. They were there for 3 months! Nobody swept or vaccumed. They ate everything, even the kids snacks. My couch ended up ripped somehow, she let the kids get into everything, the kids ended up having furniture moved, things broken, they even got into medicine because she was SLEEPING!!!!  My BIL would yell at the kids, his gf wouldn't want them near her. I was going through hell! All I wanted was for my husband to come home and see it and deal with it. Finally one day my BILs gf got her food stamps and my MIL told her she would get $60.00 worth of food for my house and the rest would be for my MILs house. The food stamps were almost $300.00! That was all we got. So I was pretty much working to buy food for everyone. On top of that I would have to put gas in her vehicle because she couldn't make it back to her house every weekend and they would steal my cigs!!! They finally left because they saw a text message from my husband that said 'if they don't pay they don't eat'. She didn't tell me she saw it but I figured it out. She tells my BIL oh I sent your brother a message and let him know you guys did buy food for this house. My husband is also supposedly an identical twin, I say supposedly because they don't look identical but they do look similar. My MIL and BIL think that because they share a Birthday together they should always be together on their Birthday. I've had to fight to have my husband to myself on his bday! And then everyone thinks I'm horrible because I want to be with him on his bday. My MIL has also fed my 2nd son peanut butter cups at 2 weeks old and my family has peanut allergies. My 3rd son she wanted to feed cheesecake. We got into an arguement. He was born on jan 31 and didn't come home from the hospital until march 4th. When he did come home he was on all kinds of medicines and a heart monitor. He had acid reflux and a hard time digesting things. It took him forever to learn how to use a bottle and until he learned how he was on a feeding tube. I was VERY protective of him! (not as much now, he's perfectly healthy and fine now.) But I told her not to feed him the cheesecake and she argued that he could have it and she was going to give it to him and when I told her no that he can't have it he has enough problems already and doesn't need more she told me I was too protective of him and I'm not like that with the other kids so I shouldn't be that way with him and I needed to lighten up and she was going to give it to him anyway. I was sooooo upset. She seriously thinks the world revolves around her. That she's Gods greatest gift to everyone and we should all bow down to her. Just recently my BIL and his gf found out they were having a girl due in may. The first granddaughter. She called the other day to let me know my husband's grandmother sent them $200.00 for the baby. Yes, it upset me because nobody's ever done that for any of ours! I wonder if she'll put my kids last because of her new baby girl. We really haven't been talking to them much or seeing them much since they left here in November. My husband has never defended me or backed me up but recently he's been trying to be understanding. He's told me to talk to her and tell her when I'm mad. He also didn't spend his bday with his brother or any holiday with his family. We've only seen them maybe 2 times a month and hardly talk to them on the phone. She tries to guilt trip us for not calling her also. She tells me she's depressed and she doesn't want to get out of bed to try to make me feel sorry for her. They are coming here this weekend and I know she'll be b!tc#y because she usually is. I want to defend myself and say something when she ****** me off. My only problem is I HATE confrontation, I clam up, I can't find the words and I hate making people upset or mad at me. I know she's put me through hell and back and I really shouldn't care but I still don't know what to do. How do I say what I want without caring if I upset or hurt or make her mad? I need to let it out before I explode! And so I can stop complaining to my husband so much. Someone help me!

KevinsAngel KevinsAngel
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 5, 2009

wow. that's a lot of stuff to handle. do you really care about your mil's feelings? she doesn't seem to mind hurting yours. since you're not a confrontational person it's harder for you to let your true feelings out but sometimes it's needed so those people who tries to walk all over you would know that you're not going to put up with their crap. i was in a similar situation with you. my mil is the devil. i was raised to be respectful towards elderly but that bi*tch doesn't deserve any. i still managed to keep my mouth shut. now, when i look back i deeply regret doing that. although i fought her towards the end, i still blame myself for keeping my thoughts mostly to myself. i tell her off once in awhile, but it wasn't enough. presently, i havent talked to her or allow her to see/meet her grandkids for two years. thank God my husband stands by me. don't get me wrong, it took him awhile to do it since he's also not confrontational but he hd to choose between his mom or his family. i hope given time your husband will fully support you and tell his brother and sil off. ---by the way, that's so gross his own brother is dating his ex..<BR><BR>i wish you luck with everything and hope everything turns out for the better.