Sweet to Your Face Mil

I really liked my in-laws in the beginning. They were nice to me and acted as though they were happy that I made their son happy. Once we were married we had our own life and wanted them to respect our privacy. The in-laws (including the sister-in-law) would never show us (me) the respect requested. We had asked that they call before just showing up. They would show up to our house at any given moment. Quite a few times my husband and I were having sex. They'd show up if we had friends over. They'd show up and have a seat at our dinner table and watch us eat our dinner. They'd show up when we would be leaving to go somewhere or even getting a shower. I'm sure you get the picture. It would always make me mad!!!

Then I got pregnant....Again, my husband told them to call before coming over. We didn't want people popping in once the baby was born. Did they listen? NO!!! It just about drove me nuts!!! Finally, my husband had to be really stern and tell his parents that they must call before coming over. They finally started doing this but complained to other family members about it. My MIL told a family member that she has to "make an appointment" to see our daughter. It was just tacky the way she made things out. Again, I was really mad. This also made my husband mad. They have absolutely NO respect for me our my marriage to their son.

My sister-in-law is just as bad, if not worse. She is 10 years older than my husband and acts like a second mother towards him. She told my husband that he should still go over and have dinner with her and her family not with me. I cook every night for my husband. How dare she state that my husband shouldn't eat with his own wife. She is a total *****. She wants to be right in the middle of our life. Thankfully my husband told her to butt out. However, she absolutely refuses to show us respect. When she does call before calling she, which isn't very often, she doesn't wait for us to tell her to come on over. She'll leave us a message on the machine that she is coming over and just show up. Life that is supposed to make things any better. She has done this a few times. By the time we even get the message, she is in our driveway. They totally anoy the crap out of me.

I have started having anxiety attacks at the mere thought of they coming over. Seriously!!! I do not want to be anywhere near these people. I don't want my daughter around them either. I know I don't have much of a choise in the matter but I try to limit how often they see her. My MIL has even questioned when I will let her carry my daughter off. I don't want her going anywhere with her alone. Not just b/c she annoys me but she is older and has health problems. She can't even pick up my-2-year-old. Which means she can't change her diaper, she can't put her in a carseat, stroller, highchair, or shopping cart! I keep making excuses. This is where my husband and I don't see eye to eye. My in-laws smoke like freight trains. They chain-smoke and my father-in-law has a tendancy to swear. Again, I don't want my daughter exposed to this type of behavior.

I know they must have done a good job raising their son. I wouldn't have fallen in love with him if he was a total jerrk. But so much has changed since he was a little baby. My husband is almost 40. They haven't really been around small children. I feel like they are out of touch. They are in their 70s and the world is a different place than it was when their children were growing up. My mother-in-law smoked with all 3 of her kids. They don't seem to grasp that smoking is very harmful for themselves, let alone my child.

I could go on and on but I have other things to do. This website has been helpful. I know that my in-laws don't seem no where near as bad as some of the others on here but they still annoy me like yours annoys you.  I would love any feedback on how to deal with them and to avoid any "outings" with my daughter and them.

shuggs4ever shuggs4ever
31-35, F
2 Responses Mar 6, 2009

If they don't seem to know how to phone and get your permission before just showing up at your house, I would just leave them standing there at the front door until they do.<br />
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They aren't going to respect your boundaries unless you start insisting that they do so.

They sound very disrepectful and inconsiderate. Unfortunately as your daughters grandparents and aunt, I think they do have a right to see her as long as they aren't physically/emotionally/mentally abusive or neglectful of her. I am a smoker, but I think that no one should smoke around children or while pregnant. It is very unhealthy and if you want to kill yourself, cheers, but you should never let your filthy habit hurt someone else. And as her mom you have 100% sayso about your daughter not getting second hand smoke, someone not being able to lift het, change her diaper, etc.,....and the only way you can ensure that is by having them over to your house, assuming you don't let them smoke inside. I think it is good that your husband agrees with you, and calls them out, it could be worse, imagine if he was passive about it!!! Trying to set boundaries is the best you can do, you can't control if they abide by them or not. Maybe if they pull up in your drive unannounced you can just pop out and say "right now is not a good time, we are just heading out, give me a call tomorrow and we can find a day you can come over" and don't let them in. Eventually they might get irritated enough and start calling ahead as you asked. And I understand its a ***** to have the extended fam think you are a jerk because they tell them stuff like they need to make an appointment...whatever, pick your battles....you can't control what people do/say.