What to Do...i Feel I Hate My Mother In Law!

It all started 2 years ago. At first I actually got along with her, she was a nice lady, fun to be around with. But after she got sick and was in the hospital for a while, she came back and she changed.. She has 6 kids (including my husband).... I saw that she started saying things and doing things....maybe jealousy, I don't know. She started telling my then boyfriend (husband now), that if anything were to happen to her, he had to take care of everything, including his brothers and sister, one of which is old enough to work. anyways... I saw that everything had to be paid by him, the enormous light bill, food and everything...no body ever appreciated it. My husband, bitched at that....then his brother (the one who is old enough to work), stole and sold a lot of my husbands things, movies, clothes, PS2, etc... and my husband, then boyfriend, moved in with me. Time where we decided to get married and move to the USA. News that I imagine pissed her off more. anyways, my husband came to the US first, while I left everything in order in my country...I followed...The MIL, got frustrated with the fact that my husband didn't send her any money, and they had a HUGE fight! she said things, horrible things to him, and about me too. he stopped talking to her, it's been two years almost. she's called him, to apologize to him. But has NEVER even mentioned apologizing to me!. He used to not say much, but yesterday, she called him, and the phone call became a bit long. time in which my stomach was being turned inside out, my hands shaking, my blood boiling and my heart raising! just the thought of her, makes my stomach turn. I tried to control myself, but I couldn't. It's an automatic reaction. so the story goes on. my husband and I had a HUGE fight, just like every single time that lady calls... see the thing is, in my mind, all she wants is money. I think the only reason she might want to have a relation with her son. anyways, I told my husband, either I get rid of this feeling (I can't imagine how), go to a shrink to get some help or all the fights will eventually end our marriage. I can't imagine the day they start talking again, mend their differences. I can't imagine how I would feel if I were to see her again. and worse of all, I can't imagine if we have a baby. I would hate for her to be around me or my baby. reason why I have started to give a lot of thought to getting pregnant. i have no children and neither does my husband. we had planned that in 2 years, we will have a baby. But now, I am not so sure. And not so sure I can stand having a life with her in it, I don't think I will risk having a happy life, because of some other person. So my thinking now is, either this feeling goes away or my marriage won't be forever. Another thing that eats me alive, is that I can't talk to my husband about this... we would end up fighting. he does know how his mom crawls under my skin, but he doesn't know that I'm having seriously second thoughts of having a baby. HELP! I feel I HATE my MIL!!! I can't stand herrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!
sadrain sadrain
26-30, F
3 Responses Aug 20, 2007

What concerns me apart from you MIL is that you cannot talk to your husband about it. You must be with a man who you can calmly discuss everything with because once you have children it will be very difficult indeed.

I used to get upset when my husband recieved texts from his sister or parents, most often than not they text him to concur they loved him more than I did, that nothing he could do was wrong, even though they never bothered with him all that time before and after he met me. Now, I don't remark on the text, when he mentions that so and so text, I just say 'am not interested'. When he tries to tell me the event or anything, I remind him 'am not interested'. Gradually the feelings of being sick to the pit of my stomach lessened, as in my mind I readily believed "am not interested" keep saying it, keep doing it and it will be.<br />
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Since she is so far from you, I don't see why you don't want a baby with your husband, the most he can do is to send photo's. She can coo over a photo but will not be able to do what most people want to do, is to interact, being involved, to actually see their grandchild grow up. She brought this on herself, so you have no blame, and you shouldn't be feeling blame or selfish for saying you don't want anything more to do with her.<br />
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It took me a long time to decide to stop the in laws from having anything to do with my children, even now they cannot say a good thing to my children or myself after a year of not seeing them. Don't deprive yourself of having children on the basis that she makes your skin crawl, she can phone, she can text, but she can't be in your life or that of your childs without your say so.<br />
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Hate her, its okay to. As for the feeling well it wont go away but she is not in this country be thankful for that. Realize that he will have a realtionship with her will always be there for her even if you don't like it just make dont be around when she calls and dont talk about her phone calls. alot of it is a consious effort on your part to not let her anger you. I know it takes alot and its not as easy to do as it is to say. but know that you can always vent here.