Total Mil Nightmare

So apparently I was brain dead when I thought it would be a great idea for my mil to move in with my husband and I (and my three children from a previous marriage) right after we got married.

Well she has the normal issues with just being a pia in general and I can live with that...but I realized after my 13 y/o asked me "Mommy, why is that we always have to clean up our plates and help in the kitchen but Nani doesnt?"  That's when I realized that not only was I the only one in the house that had a full time job....cooked 3 meals a day...and was expected to clean up after everyone but my own children, because they new better, but I was also paying all the bills and this was expected of me. 

That really kind of pissed me off and when I spoke to my husband about it, he said "oh well, honey be christian and charitable" of course he wasn't/isn't working either.

Then it got really bad, she ate on our new living room furniture, spilled food on it and never cleaned it up, now understand she has a 1 bedroom apartment in our house with a full kitchen, she has everything she could possibly need down there, yet she was eating my food on my couch. Of course the children would never consider such a thing.

Then she started inviting herself to our marital arguments, and nobody but me saw anything wrong with this.  Now I have put my foot down and I'm the bad guy. Whenever I get into an argument with my husband he runs down to mommy and she caudles him. He's an alchaholic and when I'm out of town she buys him beer because mean ol' wifey won't let him drink.  This has turned into the worst nightmare of my entire life.

Today she came into my office and started a fight with me when I was alone, understand I'm 2 months pregnant and not supposed to be under stress, yet she came in and started on me. Then threatened my children.  I'm in the process of a custody case with my ex, and she actually had the gall to threaten to "write a scating letter to the court"  Now I don't know about you, but that sounded like a threat to me.  When I told my husband, he completely defended her and said "it wasn't a threat at all, she said 'of course that would never happen'".  So now I'm the psycho because I'm tired of paying for her to live, she makes 50k a year, she can afford to live on her own, I get her **** in the mail, and I'm expected to feed her, clean up after her, allow her to have a say in my marital arguments and pay to have her bugs exterminated because she's such a filthy pig that I know have cocaroaches that have come up from her kitchen.

I'm at my witts end with both my husband and my mil....I just want to get in my car and drive away from both them and never look back.
meagainstthem meagainstthem
36-40, F
3 Responses Aug 21, 2007

Your husband should be giving you moral support whether he agrees or not. When you get over-bearing mothers, it is often the son who allows that situation.

Remind DH that he married you and his loyalty is to you first and foremost now,plus he sleeps with you not his mother .His mother needs her own place and dh needs to understand that she is also undermining him as a adult,husband and father.Get dh on the same page as you and then give mil 30 days to vacate.Also go into marriage counselling with dh or by yourself.

I think it is obvious now that the arrangement isn't working, maybe now suggest she finds her own place to live in. You meant well, but now realised it is more trouble than it is worth.<br />
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Good luck with the cusody battle and the new baby.<br />
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Batty