I know you noticed the offensive title for this story.  Let me give you a little background.

As I mentioned before, my mother is white and my father is black.  Growing up, my mother raised my siblings and I to be ourselves. Not white not black not even mixed.  So I may be naive but I think that it worked out pretty well.  I have pretty good self esteem and feel comfortable around pretty much everyone.

My husband and I decided to have our youngest daughter baptized at the Lutheran church that we attended when she was 6 months old.  When I called my mil to let her know that we were doing this, she was angry that we were baptizing the baby because my husband doesn't go to church regularly and that we were doing it in a Lutheran church since he wasn't raised Lutheran.  Then she felt that she had some say in who the godparents were and went ballistic when I told her that I was not choosing either one of her daughters.

The week of the baptism, my sister and her boyfriend(the godparents) came into town along with my husbands family.  My mil refused to speak to either one of them and would turn her head away when they would try to speak with her.  My sister in law was just as bad asking questions and then turning away and speaking to someone else as soon as they started to answer the questions.

At the baptism, my mil and sils were complaining that the ceremony was "too Catholic" for them and that they were not going to take communion. Loudly.  Now I could care less how they felt about the ceremony or if they took communion.  I do care that they were being disrespectful during a solemn and joyous event and in our church.

What we did not tell anyone again is that I was pregnant.

Again we waited until about 20 weeks and let everyone know.  This time my mil said that she "knew" that I told my family long before I told her family and that I was showing favoritism.  She then started talking about how she hated half breeds and how everyone thought that half breeds were the best thing since sliced bread.  I told her to shut up.  How dare she say something like that to me when I am mixed and I did not appreciate the comments.  She said to me that she didn't consider me a halfbreed.  I was so upset and distraught.  How could my husband who loves everything about everyone come from this beast???  Then she asked me when my youngest daughter could come to stay for the summer.  I told her that it would be years before I let her go anywhere for an entire summer let alone out of state.  She said that she was my husbands mother and that I should trust her like he does.

Now I know that there are mils reading this and please understand this: just because you are the parent of the wife or husband does not mean that the other spouse trusts you the way that your child does.  To us, you still have to earn our trust and loyalty.

Since that conversation with mil, her racist remarks have gotten more and more out of control and I am extremely reluctant to let any of my children around her.

What are my children going to l earn from this woman? That white people are the devil? What are they going to do when they are sitting on the sofa next to my white mother? How will they treat her if I allow mil to infect my children with this nastiness?

Ihatethatgoat Ihatethatgoat
31-35, F
2 Responses Jun 19, 2009

No she says that they are black and that they only need to know that they are black. Not surprisingly, sil feels the same way. I tell them that regardless of what they may think, my children are partially white. I don't care what "society" says to me they are white and black. What kind of mother would I be to deny them a part of their heritage? To me the important thing is to teach them to be good people, be compassionate, understanding and tolerant. My inlaws don't possess these qualities so it just isn't important to them. I feel that they have a lifetime to learn that people aren't going to like them because of their skin color so why do I need to make a 1 yr old and a 2 yr old aware of race?<br />
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I think that alot of people that are mixed identify with the race of their father for some reason. Personally I think it is because they were told if "if your father is black then you are black" or my all time favorite "one drop of black blood makes you black" or maybe they only had one parent in the home. Who knows. I was raised in a home with a white parent and a black parent. To me saying that I am only white or only black excludes a parent that I love and I am unwilling to do that. When people ask me what I am, besides being irritated at the question, I always say I am white and black. That's part of who I am.<br />
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Sorry for the rant.

Thank god I've never had to deal with race issues so I can't offer any advice to you there but I am curious. Does she call your children things like halfbreed as well?