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MIL and My Dear Daughter

My MIL is a very very selfish woman. She expects to be showered in gifts all the time by my husband. MIL feels this is her entitlement, so in time I figured out what my daughter was to MIL.

MIL viewed my daughter as a gift, especially created for MIL to play with. A real live doll in essence. MIL views people as objects rather then human beings, my daughter was no exception.

MIL started to become obsessed with my daughter over time, I thought this was odd and I didn't quite get it. But there were also some things that just did not make a whole lot of sense to me either.

You would think that a gramma that loved her granddaughter would treat her like a princess, but not my MIL. Instead my MIL tried to make my daughter a boy. MIL was more like the jealous old witch that you read of in fairy tales towards my daughter. Keep in mind this is a 73 year old woman, doing this to a little girl not even 3 years old.

My daughter has blonde curly long hair, she is beautiful. MIL once tried to sneak my daughter back to the cottage so that she could put a bowl around her head and cut off her hair. MIL would also go to the value shop and buy the ugliest boy clothes she could find, she would take off the outfits that I put my daughter in, dress her in the boys clothes instead and then go on and on about how much my daughter prefers the boy clothes. MIL would actually argue with me over what clothes my daughter should wear, it was ridiculous.

We went to visit at MILs cottage and every afternoon we would go for a nap. The one afternoon we woke up and MIL and my daughter are missing. So I go down to the beach to find MIL in deep water with my daughter dipping her in by her arms, it looked like they were playing, no one was crying for help or anything. But what got me about this is that MIL is not a good swimmer and neither was my 3 year old. Why would someone who is not a good swimmer take a small child and play this way with them in deep water?

MIL would do her best to take off with my daughter everytime we were not looking, she got away with this twice. The second time MIL took her out on a tricycle with no helmet in a very heavy traffic area. We told MIL countless times how kids have to wear a helmet, so MIL knew, but refused to put it on her head. Why would a gramma do this? why is she constantly trying to sneak off with her?

This was the last summer we went to the cottage due to MILs behavior. There are other cottage antics that I will post later on that don't have anything to do with my daughter but are pretty ridiculous so worth the story.

Summer came and went and next it was fall time. MILs sense of entitlement towards my daughter increased in time. I also noticed at this point that MIL is obsessed with defication. I think I will post that separate though, it is pretty sick.

MIL starts doing something odd, she starts to show up at my daughters daycare, she goes to watch my daughter. I talk to the daycare as I don't like this but they say that she can do this, there is nothing that stops her from being allowed. MIL continues this trend and the one day she states that my daughter was so tortured in daycare (not true at all- it is a great place but you see MIL wants to be the one caring for my daughter during the day so she is pretending and lying to try and make it happen). MIL then states that if only she had a car seat, she would have taken my daughter out of daycare. See how MIL sees no boundaries between me being the mother and her being the mother, as if she has every right to take my daughter out like this on her whim.

The next thing, I notice a new car seat has been purchased for MILs van. I ask what this is about and FIL claims that it is for the new baby ( I was pregnant with DS at the time). I was thinking, but what if we want to choose our car seat. FIL lied to protect MIL, the car seat was for MIL, it got installed in her van.

MIL is constantly trying to get my DH to give her permission to take my daughter out of daycare so that she can spend the last 2 hours of the day with her. The way daycare works is that if the parent gives permission then this can happen. MIL never asks me, the one day my husband gave her permission and I go to get my daughter to find her not there. MIL does not even call me to tell me that she has her. It is 7pm before there is a message from a very chipper MIL about how she has my daughter. My husband and I have spoken about this and this has not happened since. MIL loves to cause trouble, she was trying to cause a rift between my husband and I by getting him to give her permission without my knowledge. The reason this one slipped through the cracks is that I was very close to delivering my son and DH and I were wrapped up in that. MIL seen a weak moment and pounced all over it.

Two days before my wedding anniversary in February I get a call from the daycare, MIL and FIL were there, MIL had attempted to take my daugther out without permission. Since her last stunt, my husband refused to give her the permission anymore, so MIL decided she was going to just go take her without permission. The daycare stopped her at the door and got her to leave and then called us. My husband and I went to get our daughter and my husband proceeded to tell the inlaws that trying to take a child without permission is against the law.

MIL claimed she meant no harm, MIL even lied and said she did not try to take her (despite daycare reports that she did), MIL denies any of this happened to this day and claims that the problem is that I woke up one fine day and for no reason at all just decided that I don't like her. It is not that she has ever done anything wrong.

We found out later that MIL went into daycare one day told them she was their grandmother, asked if she could take her for a walk around for a few minutes. MIL lied to them, instead she removed her and came back 6 hours later with her. MIL kept this information to herself, DH and I found out from the daycare later on.

When these events happened, MIL and FIL were on the list. What that means is that if a  parent calls and gives consent that if they show ID they can take the child out of daycare. But you see my MIL does not respect boundaries, to her boundaries are challenges to overcome rather then something to be respected. MIL would try and take her without permission. The PILs have been removed from the list now and are on red alert with the daycare. If their vans are even in the parking lot the police get called on them.

MIL sees nothing wrong with what she did and to this day tells everyone that I am the one victimizing her, that she is the poor mistreated soul who only has goodness in her heart.

These stunts by MIL caused alot of arguing between my husband and I, almost tore up our marriage. Her behavior is unacceptable and yet this is still his mother, talk about being between a rock and a hard place. We at this point found a counsellor to save our marriage from the hell that MIL was causing.

This was one of the events that lead to MIL not being allowed near our children unless strictly strictly supervised and on a very restricted bases in terms of terms of exposure to her.

The other event that I forgot to mention was the munchausen by proxy thing. MIL was always diagnosing my daughter with ailments she did not have then concaucting herbal remedies to medicate her for these ficticious ailments and was trying to feed her herbal remedies to my 3 year old behind our backs, she was sneaking this. Very dangerous, MIL has not been allowed near the kids strictly unsupervised since all these antics. This was 2005-2006 time frame and these are only the antics around my daughter. There are more that don't involve my daughter at all, but MIL bullying me and she ramps up again when my son is born.

 

 

AwayFromHer AwayFromHer 36-40 3 Responses Jul 9, 2009

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Just have to say, hello my floral friend. Your story has always horrified me. I hope you u find some closure soon hun. <br />
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P.s, In case your wondering who? i'll pm you with my handle from a different site. I'm sure you know which one! lol ;)

That is the problem with Grandparents rights legislation. It assumes that all Grandparents are sweet dears, as if Grey hair immediately means they are good people. Sometimes Grandparents rights boil down to an abusive person who is now a grandparent wanting to inflict their abuse on yet another generation.<br />
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In saying this, I understand that there are some wonderful grandparents who do get cut out due to divorce, but my MIL is not one of the wonderful ones.<br />
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My MIL has significant mental issues (as you can tell) yet she refused treatment and denies it. But refusing treatment and denying it does not make her behavior any less mentally disturbed in nature.<br />
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This is just part of the story unforunately, I have so much more to report and this is just an overview of things I remember the most, there are nasty things she did more specifically that I would have to search for to remember. <br />
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Her behavior has been so horrendous that I have been logging it, just incase she breaks up my marriage and I need the information to ensure she never gets near my children in the event of a divorce.<br />
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My husband and I love each other very much and we have come so far and communicate about her fine, usually. There are still some fights about her, he still acts like a child some days, but in the grand scheme of things we are winning this MIL battle.

Oh My! When our child was born I had issues with my MIL being alone with GC. I broke down and allowed her 2 hours alone w/GC, once. A complete disaster which we'll never allow again. Grandparents have no rights. Thank goodness. My MIL also claimed she was only doing good by the way she has treated/spoken to our child. IMO if a person has to claim they only have pure and good intentions, its a red flag of the opposite. Somebody who is truly caring wouldn't behave in a manner that woud hurt an innocent child nor go against a parents wishes.