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I Am Cracking

First thing, FIRST THING, I see in the morning after leaving my bedroom is MIL standing in the middle of the kitchen.  Yes, she has Alzheimer's.  No, she isn't beyond common courtesy.

I need to feed the dogs and begin my day.  She stands in the middle of the kitchen and I work around her.

I take my breakfast into the computer room.  She spends the next 60 minutes getting her breakfast and eating it.

I am taking the dogs for a walk.  She watches me like a caged animal, with narrowed eyes and an expression I can't describe.  I WILL NOT TAKE HER ALONG ON MY WALK.  It is one of my few times out of the house and without her with me.

DH leaves for work after dog walk.  Then I'm alone with her, someone I don't talk to and am basically a servant to, all day long.  I AM NOT A HAPPY CAMPER.

One thing about our upcoming vacation, DH is around his OWN mother 24/7 and gets a feel for how she sucks the oxygen out of the air we breathe.

gladdy

 

 

 

gladdy gladdy 56-60, F 6 Responses Jul 10, 2009

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Thanks. I am not sure DH will ever see the stages. All he wants is to play hero to this woman. I want a T-shirt with P1 (priority one) written on it, but he would probably hand it over to her.

If you ever decide to take that route, I would personally focus on her benefit, claim she is unhappy there, that she cries because she wants to live elsewhere. Tell him that she said that she feels you are keeping her there and keeping her from her other loved ones and she resents you for it, that she feels you are ruining her life by not letting her free by having her live with you.<br />
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Go read the signs of alzheimers, it is in stages, you can even match up what you say to the stage that would come next, that will make it believable.<br />
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Keep the focus...her moving out.....you will get your life back!

We must be twins. I have thought of telling my husband she has been done all kinds of things (from self-arousal to hurting the dogs and leaving the stove on) I have looked at her meds and had to go for a walk or whatever. . . don't believe I'm that bad, but I feel as if I could be a danger to someone, probably myself.<br />
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I appreciated your support--the whole world sees this kind, funny old lady and all I see is a big black blanket over my formerly happy home. Or an anchor around my neck.<br />
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I do stay away from her. . . I don't talk to her, not a word, and when possible, I am not in the same room with her. I used to read in the closet, but now she has her recliner in the guest room and I have told her she needs to nap, read, do puzzles there unless she wants to go outside. If she comes to watch tv with me, I flip the channel to music only. I do not want her in my house, and I most certainly want an end to this 5 years of nonsense. Thanks for helping.

Gladdy know what I would do if I were in your shoes? I know this is going to sound evil,<br />
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If I were in your shoes I would probably start to claim she is so out of it that she thought I as a burglar and tried to attack me. I would make it up, I would.<br />
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I would claim a bunch of things that lead to the "she needs to be in a home". If you are uncomfortable doing that then make something up that would be of harm to your MIL, and then make the case that for her own safety she needs to be in a home, you only want the best for her.<br />
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Honey this is so hard for you, how much more of this can you take? I know I sound awful, but sometimes desparate circumstances call for desparate measures.<br />
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In reality, she probably really would be better off in a home. You could say she cries alot because she is not comfortable there, something like that.<br />
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I know, evil thought, I am sorry....but I am being completely honest about what I would do. I would play dirty pool back.<br />
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I guess the saying is true....don't battle with monster, lest you become one. Exactly why alot of wise people would say just to stay away from a lady like your MIL, but you are in such a bind, she lives with you.

Yes, we switch off with DH's brother, meaning I do get to live half my life each year. But having lost my other sister-in-law when she was only 61, I'm trying to convince DH that at 60, I deserve to live in freedom, not in bondage. He's at work. . .I don't think he could stand being here all day and IT IS HIS MOTHER. Weekends are even worse because I can't talk to him without an old pitcher with BIG EARS. gladdy

That's kind of scarry. If she has alzheimers then she should really be in a home. It's not fair to you to put your life on hold for her. Does DH have any siblings who can share the burden?