Mother In Law Uses My Husband Against Me

My mil has hated me without cause from the moment her son wanted to marry me.
We married, and we were invited to pay rent for a bedroom at her house.  She bossed me around, and being young, I tried to please her.  She was never pleased.  She talked to her daughter about me while I was there as if I wasn't even there.  I gave her a beautiful jacket that was a gift to me from my own mom.  I just wanted her to like me.  She took the jacket, didn't thank me, commented to her daughter about its beauty and then criticized me for the type of hanger it was on. 

I had to work late every night, I was terrified to eat anything in the refrigerator and so I would eat at the joint around the block.  My husband never waited up for me.  When I told him that she was mistreating me, he took her side.  I was as hurt as if I was stabbed in the heart. She watched every move I made, if I went to the bathroom she'd go in there and scream that the shower was wet after I had just showered and so I had to go in there and dry the shower.  After 2 weeks of sadness, I called my mom.  She said, "you don't have to take that, you have a home, come home".   I tried to tell my husband what was going on, but he didn't stand up for me.  So, I went home.  He didn't talk to me for a week.  Finally we got an apartment.  It turned out that my sister in law was jealous of the rent we paid for the room and she and her husband wanted it.  She had been renting the condo that belonged to my mil., so mil kept abusing me until I left so she could get her own daughter in.

Then, mil would call my apartment and bad mouth me to my husband.  He began to treat me like dirt.  One day I picked up the phone and she said to me, my poor son, is he eating a balanced meal, are you taking care of him, (who the heck took care of me, nobody) then she said, you can't maintain my  son in the high standard to which I raised him, you are not good enough for my son. 

I got the shock of my life after being married to her son.  Turned out he was a verbal abuser and an alcoholic and spent every night out with the boys and never any time with me.  Wow, I guess those were the high standards to which she raised him.

My husband has improved over the many years I've remained married to him, working my butt off to make sure we stay together but he is still a pill.

Mil has started many fights over the years.  She got into a fight with her own daughter over a lot of money and then mil's husband died.  At the funeral she had all the family snub her own daughter.  I was the only one who showed her any kindness.  Mil has the "talent" to lie and get other people to fight her battles.  She plays innocent and helpless and all the guys especially my hubby run to her aid.  She's as helpless as a scorpion!  One day she told me that was the trick she uses.

Well, she moved in with her other son, and his wife and mil fought all the time.  She and her other son would bad mouth his wife.  What's wrong with these guys?

Finally, she cried to my husband that her other daughter in law was making her miserable.  My husband brought her to our house to sleep over.

Then my sister in law decided to move out of state as a way of getting rid of mil.
My husband ran to the rescue and against my wishes brought her to my house to live.

She had him build her a little house in the backyard.  Every day she says something bad about me and my husband who was never all that good in the first place, gives her an ear. 

He comes after me with anger, saying his mother said I said horrible things about him in front of our child.  I tell  him it isn't true but he believes her! He fights with me.  I was so angry I went to the mil's house and pounded on her door and told her to tell me what were the horrible things I said, and she had no answer, and she had no answer when my husband asked her earlier, what had I said.

She stuck her fingers in her ears and walked out her door.  She said to leave her alone, get out of her house.  I said, its on my land, so it belongs to me.

She called me names.  All I wanted was for her to get caught lying about me, that I caught her.  She took a swing at me and scratched my arm, then she did a karate chop and chopped my shoulder. She ran at me to do this.  So I slapped her cheek.  She looked shocked that I would even fight back. 

Then my husband came out and shoved me three times and yelled "get in the house!"  I told him to quit shoving me.  He thought I was on her but it was the other way around. I told him that she struck me twice and first and my mil  yelled out "Liar, Liar" and he believed her!  Then she played helpless and said "oh please save me, get her away from me she's making me sick and shaky" And my husband shoved me in the back.

I am so upset.  I can't stop her lying about me.  This is the first time in my life that I have ever confronted her and she got away with it.

My husband won't apologize for pushing me and he cursed at me.

I am so upset, I can't even feel anger at my husband.  Tomorrow, she will be in his ear again and he will be listening. 

I told him to do something about her and he says, "I'm not getting in the middle of this" and then accused me of stuff I never did.  Between the two of them, I don't know why I am still alive, I feel so hated. 

I told him that he brought her here when he knew all the trouble she's caused in the past.  I told him it's his fault she's here causing trouble when he knew all along she's been mean to me.

I told him that he must tell her the next time she gossips about me, to stop talking about me, that he's not going to listen.  He didn't say he would do this.
He just told me to shut up, that I am the trouble maker. 

I have always been kind to my mil.  I don't know why he says these things to me.
He only defended that old witch.   I could go on and on. 

I wish my mil would go live with her other favorite son and leave my life in peace.
I have no emotional support.  I feel so betrayed.

You might say, why don't you leave.
I married young, I have no education, I stay home and take care of everyone and now I am getting old.

Why does a man prefer his mean mother, the one he said he couldn't stand as a young man and moved out of the house to get away from, and not his wife who is full of love and kindness?
innocent innocent
41-45, F
4 Responses Oct 13, 2007

i live that now only in her house and she plays the same thing with my fiance -its been 4 years ive been called every name in the book and when i go to defend myself he backs her-you live and are married too a mommas boy hunny. i dont care what you have too do, get out it will eat at your spirit and soul remove yourself -theres someone out there for you that will treat you right and stand with you not against you-i feel for you woman i really do

poor dear! i absolutely understand what happens... i too have the same two personalities who happened to me my hubby and mil.... but thankfully we are not staying with that b**** ...but unfortunately my kid hubby have to go to her weekly so that she can shove her breast on him when he sits in the dining table. yes! she will serve food like that only. that means "baby, never forget mama that u had milk from". so............unfortunatly u cant do anything to make him understand. he lives all his life with his subconscious mind which is filled with his mom's teachings. But there are option for u to choose... u can leave the person, or divert your love and kindness to your kids or make yourself busy so that u wont see the faults of them and can ignore them. perhaps start a home ba<x>sed business. financial independence boost confidence.

don't stay! you and your child deserve so much better.

Girl I feel bad for you. You have children or at least a child? Don't let this keep going on. Your child is going to think it's okay to treat people this way. He/She may even start to think it's okai for someone to treat them this way. I know you don't want that. If your husband won't back you up leave. I know you think because you have no school that you have to stay but you don't. Even if you have to live with friends, family, maybe a shelter you have to stand up for yourself. When I was a child and my mother left my father we started from the bottom. Living in shelters. Then she got wel-fare medicare. Then eventually she was able to support us kids by herself. It wasn't easy. You can do it. Take your babies and go. No one deserves to be treated this way. If you want to talk some more just write me back.