No words to DESCRIBE HER..

Straight off the bat, SHE'S EVIL -  Vendictive, selfish, self centered, child-ish control freak that she is!! She is a 61 year old woman, who throw's TEMPERTANTRUMS when she doesn't get her way, or things ARE NOT ABOUT HER

I've been with her son for almost 4 1/2 years now, and have been engaged since Dec '05 (which she was TOTALLY AGAINST) So here is some "filler info:"

 I moved from MA to FL in '03 to finish up my degrees, completed them, ended up switching careers, found a new job, and my now fiance. After taking some time to get to kno each other we decided to move in together (he was living at home, and I was living w/a friend from school at this time) MIL was against it, since he was still at home, (who would do her dirty work for her, ie gas up her car, bank trips, lawn/pool maintence - since she can't figure out any) w/her and his twin bro. Right off the bat she accused me of "taking him away from her" and he was "making a big mistake by leaving his mother" (since she didn't leave her mother's house until the divorce of her 1st marriage, shortly after the mother died, and her father TOLD my MIL it was because she left home) meanwhile, we live 25 mins north, 2 towns away from her, BIG MISTAKE RIGHT? This went on for almost 1 yr, until I think she got sick and tired of hearing the same response from the DH, that it was "his life, and he's a big boy now" that ended finally.

Then he decided to buy a ring an purpose to me, that's when the $hit hit the fan, BIG TIME. Since she's been divorced 2x (the 2nd time being the FIL- WHO IS AWESOME, SO UNLIKE HER, I MIGHT ADD, HE's the SANE ONE)  Everytime he came over she started in with "marriage is wrong, it's a waste of time, and a loss of money in the end" well despite her theories, he went ahead and did it anyways, that sparked a 4 month fued between the two of them.  Meanwhile, we're in no great rush to get married. We're getting married on a cruise in '08. This started a whole new issue, anytime we brought it up. She wants us to have a lavish reception (she she can show off to HER FRIENDS) because it will be fun, mind you - SHE IS AGAINST MARRIAGE. Well we're doing things are way, which means we get to invite who we want, and who ever decides to come, comes. Nice easy, simple cheaper on us. Since the FIL & Step-MIL are comming, she chooses not to be a part of the wedding. SHE'S TOLD ALL OF HER FRIENDS THAT WE NEVER INVITED HER. SINCE THE DH THOUGHT THIS WOULD HAPPEN, WE SENT HER INVITATION REGISTERED MAIL. Which I feel is PATHETIC.

We decided to start saving  for a house quite sometime ago, since we very much enjoy the town-house we rent now, we're in no rush to move out of it right away.  Anytime she would come to our home, she had a comment about how it was decorated (atleast the fiance and I agreed on everything, she has NO DECORATING SINCE AT ALL), or that it was "to clean", "taking your shoes off is un-called for" or how SHE would have done something, they way I cooked, the food I cooked, she metnioned that I do laundry THE WRONG WAY?? One day she had crossed the line about a picture, (a cousin of mine had passed and away) it was hanging on the wall, "in a bad spot" I guess she didn't like where we put it) I told her to get out, and please do us a favor and DON'T COME BACK, anytime soon. The fiance got up and opened the door for her. I stopped doing b-days and holidays at her house after that event, everything seemed to mellow out for me, she still gave the guilt trip - saying that I was making HER SON CHOOSE SOMEONE OTHER THAN HER. The fiance had enough of the BS she & the twin bro were pulling, since EVERYTHING had to go the MIL's way, he stopped talking to both of them for a few months. Since the BIL live(s) with her off and on, he takes her side, with out knowing the whole story, or will make comments (from the MIL) when she's not around. He also runs back and tells her EVERYTHING.

Last year I found out I was pregnant, everyone (including my family in N.E.) was excited, even the MIL for a VERY SHORT TIME.Although I think deep down inside she was GREEN W/ENVY - she knew she would never have "CONTROL" again over the DH.  My pregnancy wasn't easy, I was very sick alot at first, and she didn't do things that made it any easier, on ANYONE. At my baby shower, she tried to "run things & play boss" even tho it was NOT AT HER HOME, and I have no idea who invited her or how she found out, I DIDN"T WANT HER THERE, niether did my family!! Since they met her 1 time and didn't want to be in the same rm for very much longer.

We had a boy in Oct '06. That's where it DRAMATICALLY started to go DOWN HILL. I went emergency C-Section, so I was in the hosptial for a little while longer. My mom came down the wkend I came home to help w/cooking & stuff. After comming home from the hosptial she would invite her self over 24-7, no phone call, just show up and ring the door bell until someone answered, even if it meant WAKING UP MY SON, just so she could see him, she couldn't hold him (he weighed to much, she was weak, later had heart surgery and became weaker) so she basically would come over and "torcher" him, as I liked to call it. From a very early age my son DID NOT LIKE "OLDER PEOPLE", they made him very un-easy and he just didn't like the appearences of some, for what ever reason? So he never took to the MIL very well, and still doesn't now, I think he's just a good JUDGE OF CHARACTER!

Now my parent's (divorced, thank God) live in MA and they would come down, separatley, when they could. Everytime they came down, she HAD TO COME OVER Un-ANNOUCED to "SUPERVISE EVERYTHING" This would BOTHER the MIL, (my FAMILY visiting) since this was HER ONLY GRANDSON (in her UNIVERSE SHE'S THE ONLY GRAND-PARENT OR FAMILY THIS CHILD HAS, SCREW MY FAMILY/FRIENDS OR THE FIL/STEP-MIL - my best friend says she has 'Only GrandParent Syndrome") she would make catty little comments about my parent's holding him, or them being "invited" to stay periods of time w/US in OUR HOME - since she's asked on SEVERAL occasions to stay the wkend so she can spend time w/"HER GRANDSON" Um hello, she lives 25 mins away, WHY ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH WOULD I WANT THIS WOMEN TO SPEND THE WKEND IN MY HOME???? She also got very "snippy" when it came time for his Christianing, she felt that just because I am Catholic, my son didn't have to be. She suggested putting names of religions in a hat, and pulling one out??

This past Oct, things have REALLY GOTTEN out of control. It first started off @ the beg. of the month, when we took OUR SON up to MA for his FIRST B-DAY, how dare I take my son to meet his (MY) WHOLE FAMILY? That just didn't fly w/her. She was pissed right off  cause he wasen't going to be in FL for the b-day, it wasn't going to be spent the way SHE WANTED IT DONE !!  Ok so - 1) NO ONE ASKED HER IF SHE WANTED TO COME UP WITH US (MY PARENT'S HATE HER) AND 2) NO ONE ASKED HER IF SHE WOULD MIND HER GRANDSON SPENDING HIS 1ST BDAY W/(AND I QUOTE) "OTHER PEOPLE" Like I'm a MIND READER, and I knew I WAS suposed to ask her this? So to her my family is "other people" She expects that every holiday.birthday, sport game WHATEVER is going to revolve around her, and only her (she's an ONLY CHILD, can you tell?)

I am SELFISH for taking him away from her and not taking my son to see her in her home. FIRST OF ALL HER HOUSE IS A PIG STY, (We call it the PIG PEN - She HAS MANY CATS, THAT SHE DOESN'T CLEAN UP AFTER) SHE DOESN'T CLEAN IT, AND DOESN'T KNO HOW TO CLEAN, AND 2NDLY HER ROOF HAS BEEN LEAKING (BADLY) FOR ALMOST 3 YRS NOW WHICH HAS CAUSED BLACK MOLD TO GROW ON HER CEILING IN MANY SPOTS OF THE HOUSE, but in her eyes that's an ok enviroment for my son to hang out in, so in essence, I'm selfish for keeping him out of that. She has "mentioned" many of her "troubles" to all her "bar buddies" they all agree that she is in the RIGHT, and I AM IN THE WRONG. In reality, they don't know what kind of HOME SHE REALLY LIVES IN.

I thought I would be nice, and let her come over the nite before we left, to see him, breifly (as a longer stay would interupt her drinking schedule, she's a "social drinker" wed-sun only) we that turned around to BITE ME IN THE A$$. She INFORMED(never asked or mentioned to) us, as she gave us an invatation to a "b-day party" that she had planned for the day after we returned, AT HER HOME. The fiance looked at me, and laughed (as he is fed up w/her BS and "everything my way/about me" attitude) and told her "NO" flat out. Well she then replies that invations had already gone out (to who we don't know) and people told her they were comming, so the fight goes on for about an hr over this party.

 Finally I (and my neighbor next door) had enough, I took a peice of paper, wrote down holidays/b-day's and made a list of "who gets what" (since we tried to explain to the MIL that she doesn't get all of them, he does have "OTHER FAMILY" - and she didn't UNDERSTAND IT, she also can't deal with the fact she's been divorced for almost  6 years now the FIL has re-married and she can't be MATURE ENOUGH to SHUT UP, keep her STUPID comments to herself, and GET ALONG with OTHER PEOPLE for her grandson's sake) holiday or bday and handed it to her, and she started to cry and told me I was "picking" on her. I asked her if us spending this Christmas/New Years in MA w/my fam. would be a problem or an issue with her, the woman looked me straight in the face and told me "YES!" Then she had the nerve to stand there and TELL ME that we were in MA for the holiday's last year, and she should get them ALL this year. I had a pneumoina (how ever u spell it) last year, and didn 't make it to work for 2 wks, let alone fly to MA. (this is typically the $hit she comes up with)

My fiance's reply was "get over yourself" she accused him of "abandoning his mother, and not putting her and her feelings FIRST anymore", once again he laughed. I simply reminded her that there are 2 names on the birth certificate, mine and his, next to mine has the state of  MA on it, which (LEGALLY ) means I or WE can take him there anytime we please, and we can MOVE there, anytime we please, that didn't go over to well. I also reminded her that 3 of us are going up, and 1 can come back. I kindly told her that WE ARE THE PARENTS, WE MAKE THE DECISIONS, and SHE IS THE GRAND-PARENT, which has no LEGAL RIGHTS to OUR SON, so she needs to BUTT OUT!! If she wants to raise more kids, she need to adopt more or go have some of her own! Leave mine ALONE

She took her paper, and off to the bar she went, to get drunk and hit the corner of the house, trying to pull into the garage on her return back to her house, later the next morning. And that was OUR FAULT for getting her SO UPSET, she drank to much. She's an alcoholic, I kno she is. She may not drink 24-7 but she's semi-what TOTALLED her car once already (not including the house incident). My mother WAS an alcoholic, so I kno that it's not "her" it's the "alcohol" - but seriously if YOUR SON ASKED YOU TO CHANGE (even tho she has admitted she doesn't deal well with CHANGE) to be in your GRAND-SON'S LIFE - you think someone would? Nope, not HER.

While on vaca, one of her "drinking buddies" had the nerve to email me and tell me that I have BRAINWASHED HER SON, AND I HAVE BROKEN THE LAW (does anyone know about the 'Grand-Parent's Rights law') BY NOT LETTING MY SON SEE HIS (ALCOHOLIC-DELUSIONAL) GRANDMOTHER (since she has come to see him once or twice w/the smell of beer on her breath) SHE CONTINUES TO TELL ME I AM SELFISH, AND I SHOULD LISTEN TO HER SINCE SHE'S BEEN THRU 3 DIVORCES (I wonder why?) AND KNO'S HOW TO RAISE KIDS (even those that aren't hers!!)  KEEPING MY SON AWAY FROM HIS (SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED, PSYCHOTIC) GRANDMOTHER WILL DO HIM NO GOOD, HURT HIM IN THE LONG RUN, AND ONE DAY I WILL BE THE ONE STANDING ALONE? WTF? My response to her email, was "Go drink another one"

When we returned home, several of these messages were on our home phone from several "drinking buddies" at the bar. My best friend happens to be the OWNER of the bar, she told me how all of the "drinking buddies" were comming up with a "scheme" for her, so she could call DSS on me, and claim child abuse & neglect. (since we have some one come to our home to watch our son while we work, I"m guessing that is the neglect part?) After that was brought to our attention, I so kindly looked up the phone # and contact for our local DSS office, and brought it to her home for her. The look on her face was priceless!! But her response was "what's this for, I have no idea what your talking about - I would never do this to my OWN SON (nothing mentioned about ME)" BIL was home at the time (MAJOR MOMMA's BOY)  so once again, I was accused of "picking" on the MIL, and I'm "selfish, and tearing the family apart" and "everything was FINE until YOU came along, LOOK AT THE DAMAGE YOU"VE CAUSED..PACK UP AND MOVE BACK TO MASS, and LET ME HAVE MY BOYS" (including MY SON) was the song and dance I got. Right in front of me, she made the other son "promise" her that if he ever has kids, (NO GF to date, and SHOULD NOT HAVE KIDS)  she can see them everyday, and whenever SHE LIKES.

Wks ago  we needed to go to the 'Center of the Universe' (her home) to pick something up. Thankfully we were smart enough to leave my son w/a neighbor. She started in on us as soon as we walked thru the door. I was 'selfish, cold-hearted, and MANIPULATING' I'm "alienating" my son from his ONLY GRANDMOTHER, and I'M RUINING the SACRED BOND between them. She (and thanks to Dr. Phil & BIL have diagnosed me w/ PAS - "Parent Alienation Syndrome" - which by definition has to do w/PARENTS WHO ARE DIVORCED turning children against the other parent - that SO FITS ME) and once again, EVERYONE AT THE BAR IS ON HER SIDE. She also stood there and DENIED EVERYTHING SHE SAID (IN OUR HOME) ABOUT ME OR MY FAMILY THE NITE B$ WE LEFT FOR MASS, even w/ her own SON STANDING THERE!! She "announces" that WILL'S HAVE BEEN CHANGED (her and her fathers) since SHE CAN"T SEE HER GRANDSON, HER SON IS NO LONGER IN EITHER WILL. How petty and childish are both of them? I see where MIL gets her MATURIATY LEVEL SON's GREAT-GRANDFATHER (who is of NO RELATION THANK GOODNESS) And I am cold hearted? She has to SIMPLY accept the fact that she: DOESN'T CALL THE SHOTS IN HER SON'S (OR MY SON'S) LIFE, STOP DRINKING, AND ACT HER AGE IN ORDER TO SEE HER GRANDSON. She doesn't want to do either, so there is nothing WE can do. FIL thinks that this is rediculous, since she's acted like this BEFORE they were married.

Recently, DH needed to call "Mommy" to let her know that Christmas plans had been changed. She didn't even ask why. [My brother is in the Navy, has been stationed a few hrs away from us, here in FL. He has just learned that in 16 wks, he will leave his Navy Base, go to VA for "extended training" and will then go to the Gulf on his first tour. Instead of the 3 of us going to MA for Christmas, now my parents will be in FL w/us and we'll spend Christmas outside the Navy base in a hotel. What a wonderful way for a 1 yr old to spend his "first real Christmas". However, my Nana would always tell us to "Make the Best of What You Have", and I do believe we will do that, and things will be ok.] She went right in to the "poor me" routine. No one asked her "IF it was ok that plans change" (since we WEREN'T GOING TO BE IN STATE IN THE FIRST PLACE) and it would have been "nice to NOTIFY HER sooner" I just found out Monday nite. So she starts crying saying that this is all just "HER (me) big EVIL SELFISH plan of trying to cut ME (mil) out of the holidays." She had no idea she was on speaker phone. I told her to pick up the phone and CRY TO PRESIDEN BUSH! Then she had the nerve to tell me that I was over-reacting, and MY FAMILY is not the FIRST FAMILY to have someone leave for the Gulf. "He's probably going to die any way" was the last thing I heard before DH took it off speaker!! Can you BELIEVE THAT BITC*? What SANE person would say such a thing? I'm sorry but I don't care HOW MUCH you DIS-LIKE SOMEONE, THAT WAS OUT OF LINE! The only reason "we" (DH's idea NOT MINE)  considered inviting this TROLL to any holiday even was because she told DH he was out of the will; he wants to "SMOOTH THINGS OVER W/MOMMY" I told him that ALL HOLIDAYS were CANCELLED w/her. That is OUR SON'S UNCLE/GOD-FATHER she is making remarks about!! I mentioned (OUT LOUD) I was going to call the local POLICE DEPT. this wkend and let them kno A CERTAIN DRIVER IN A PORSCHE IS DRUNK. I'm at the end w/this woman. It is to the point that I DON'T CARE IF MY SON HAS NO RELATIONSHIP W/HIS GRANDMOTHER, OR DOESN'T EVEN KNOW WHO SHE IS, IT'S PROBABLY BETTER FOR HIM THAT WAY. I'm not an evil person, but when you say something like that TO / ABOUT someone else's FAMILY what do you think they are going to do, sit and laugh about it? She also mentioned to BIL that she has NO INTENTIONS of APOLOGIZING to me, since my statement about calling the cops, WAS OUT OF LINE. I've mentioned to DH, BIL, FIL that after this "issue" I am going to press blocking her rights from my son. BIL told me that she's going to have me claimed "un-fit" FIL told him to try it.

After having a nice long talk w/the SANE parents (since my parents as well as his, less MIL get along)  we have come to the conclusion, that (we don't need this "drama" in our lives, and don't need our son to be involved in it) we are taking her to court to re-voke visitation and contact w/all three of us. That should go over well when she gets the paper work. Both my FIL & Mother are re-covering Alcoholics, so our "child-hood" wasn't that memorable, and feel that our son's shouldn't follow ours.

In my life  I have met some selfish, self centered people, who try and CONTROL and CONFORM anything/everything to their liking, BUT I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTERED A WITCH LIKE HER!! Is this normal, are ALL MIL's this way....or is she just a "SPECIAL BREED"? Deep down inside I kno that she feels "threatened" by me, because I'm not from FL like her kids, which means we'd pack up and move to MA when ever, and no one would ask her "approval first". For the longest time (and even now) I feel like maybe it is just me (or US) and I've blown things way out of porportion or made to much of it? I've asked several people, told them whats going on, and they think she is nuts! Sometimes I think I'm NUTS just for dealing with her. My parents suggested counciling for Dh and I so we don't ruin our relationship over her, which is what she ultimatley wants, I'm sure.

Thank you for taking half of your day to read about this CRAZY part of my life. Atleast there is such a place that we can all come to VENT about these EVIL TROLLS we have to call "Mother In Law's" :P


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8 Responses Oct 19, 2007

After reading your comment on my story, I came over to read your story and.....<br />
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WOW! We are in similar situations. I am so glad to read that your husband stands by your side and she how his mother really is. My husband knows his mom is crazy, but thinks it is okay because, that's just her. I wish more people could really see her for her true colors, especially the parents that intrust their children to her everyday. <br />
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Thanks for your kind words and support!

And if your not religious..because wow, not everybody is....I think "forgiving" her would be no good..she is easily offended. You can't forgive someone that continuely tries to center the universe around themselves. ..distance yourself. that is all you can do. <br />
I also have a mother-in-law that can sometimes be overbearing and I have had to set up boundaries myself. In no way would I just "be patient" I have a life to live and so do you.

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Your experience sounds very sad to me, not only as a grandmother myself. but as a mother inlaw. Please read my experiences about this subject and try to keep an open mind, also my experiences have been, life is not always a fairy tale. spouses need to step up to the plate be gut level honest with the parent who is being obnoxios and set healthy boundaries to protect the parent and grandparent relationship. It is not an easy task but it can work. Best of luck and keep me posted A mother in law not a monster

well atleast your husband sticks up for you & took your side , unlike others that pretend to be SPINELESS!

I've been married 26+ years, 4 kids and hubby only child of a widowed rich woman who has only become worse over the're story reminds me of her....I don't know what to tell you, just pray that she gets what is due to her!!!! Good luck!!<br />
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P.S. My first year of marriage I was pregnant, and I wound up spending thanksgiving in a diner alone because I could not stand the hubby is and has always been on my side but he feels guilty....she hates me and my mother who is also a widow with no money at all..

Good JOB!!! I'm glad u run the show with your MIL. My MIL is also selfish in the same sense. Apparently my husband and I have abandoned her too. What is with these women ... Grr