I Can't Have Sex With My Husband Because I Hate His Mother!

My MIL is the most self absorbed person I have met! Everything has to be her way, and my husband never takes up for me! He always takes her side in everything, and I am never right. I wouldn't care so much if it wasn't for my daughter. We actually pay my MIL $500 a month to watch my daughter a few hours after school everyday, then if we want a night out, we have to pay $40 extra. Is that insane to anyone else? She feeds her nothing but sweets, and when the Dr. told us she has a high BMI and the stop giving her juice (only water from now on), my MIL refused saying the Dr. didn't know what he was talking about. She is 5, and I have been fighting with her about my daughters care the whole time. Of course, my husband doesn't say anything to her, he just laughs, sweeps it under the rug and hopes it will go away. Five years of sweeping has built up a pretty big mound under that rug and it is about to explode!

I try not to say anything to her because I am the type of person that doesn't like conflict, especially with someone I am seeing everyday, who is helping with my child. After all this time, I don't think I can say anything because how much weight will it really have. She wouldn't care much anyway and would just keep doing what she wants. The straw that broke the camel's back(as they say) happened today. My husband and I made plans for Valentines Day. A nice dinner, which I had to get reservations for, and a movie. We hardly ever get to spend time together as it is, because we both work and have alternate hours. She was going to watch our daughter for us. Then today, yes 3 days before Valentine Day, she tells us she can't watch her now because she has to travel to pick up her other grand children who live far away. They are on break...what? Who the hell ever heard of spring break in Feburary? Why couldn't she go on Saturday? Why can't she take our daughter with her? Am I being unreasonable? We pay her for goodness sake. Non of her other children pay her when their children come to visit for weeks at a time!

So now I can't find a babysitter because their are non available, our reservations are for 2 and I'm not sure if they can change it to 3 because of the capacity ( it's Valentines Day) and we won't get movie time. I mean who wants to see Alvin and the Chipmunks on Valentines Day? I know it's probably not a big deal and its another time to spend with my daughter, who I love very much. But at the same time, sometimes mommy and daddy need a little couple time! We hardly have any intimacy anymore because of our work schedules, but when there is an opportunity, we are always fighting about my MIL. What wife wants to get intimate with her husband who is a momma's boy, can't be a man and won't take up for his wife. When you get married, your spouse should come before anyone else, but unfortunately my MIL is wedged in between us.

antibk antibk
31-35, F
5 Responses Feb 11, 2010

Thank you for caring. I have tried everything. I was raised to always be the better person. For years I did everything to get along with her including swallowing my pride, standing up for myself everything! I totally agree with you that it is my husbands place to stand up to her and to tell her to but out and to give her boundaries. We have been to a marriage counseling to talk about her. It is SOOOO strange, he for a lack of better wording. LOCKS UP and is intimidated to say anything to her. I do not know why for the life of me she is uneducated, mean spirited, judgemental, and the least charitable person I have ever met. She puts this guilt on him and plays this lonely victim. He has no reason to feel guilty. Anyway, we are now seperated and she could not be happier. She only thinks of herself and how happy that makes her( she acts upset about it to his face), but our 4 year old little boy is the one the is suffering. We still love each other but he cannot even discuss her without going into a rage so I realized where his priorities were. She visits him constantly in his new house now. It is kind of creepy,did I mention she is still married to his dad but ignores him totally. OH and one more thing his sister who lives in another state who has been married for 25 years now practically lives with the mom now too. Her children are in college so she too leaves her husband to be withmom and they both come and play house in my husbands new rental home. Sorry for rambling on. I just did not know if you had any advise for me. You sounded like you have a kind heart. Thank you and God bless you for your helping words.

Woops! I sent before I was finished. I was wondering how you were doing. I laughed when I read your title! I have said that before! My mother in law is so obsessed with my husband she would love for be to get run over by a train. She sounds a lot like yours, will lie about giving things to my son, her way is the only way. She is so judgemental and rude that even Mary freaking Poppins would slam a bottle of vodka after spending 3 minutes with her!!!!! My husband is way to spineless to stand up to her and it makes me CRAZY!! It is doing a number on my marriage and it has been going on for 15 years. If you need to vent,contact me- take care!

I must first comment on "putwendels" remarks- I will start by saying to her that i am truly very sorry for her loss. I would never want to speak in poor taste when someone is greiving, however, she is in the WRONG GROUP! Everyone butts heads w/their MILs, this group seams to be for those of us who are batteling the beast to keep our marriage afloat on a daily basis!!! She needs to understand that she was blessed to have a close relationship w/her MIL, but for a lot of us, there is not any "good" in it to appreciate.

I just lost my mother in law last week. I was close but we butted heads quite often. I miss her more than ever. APPRECIATE HER WHILE SHE IS HERE. BLOW OFF THE BAD AND APPRECIATE THE GOOD. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO GET MINE BACK.

Since you stated this has been going on for 5 years. Has your sleeping arrangements change too or does it go back for and forth. It also took me 5 years to get my spouse to see his mother and sill's are all liars but I kept on pointing out their motive and words and of course my child will tell me know what they've said about me or their plans with my child when she turn 18 yrs old cause my mil and sill's wants my daughters' inheritance that is in a trust fund by her grandpa. She and the sill's just happen to step in their own **** one day recently .-they forgot that I would tell my husband about all of their games and he happen to have remembered one will she (his mother, the grandma was using it again. He told his mother do not call our child anymore she'll call you "If she wants too."Now he said she was crying. I said "Good"