Wow, There Are So Many Of Us Out There!

Sometimes in dealing with my MIL I think I'm the only one who feels the way I do.  Thank God for this site because now I see thatit's not just me.  So many times my MIL has attacked my character, saying that it must be the way I was raised, or I have these walls...etc.  I'm not the crazy one!  SHE is!  She's walked all over my toes so many times and when I bring it to my hubby he says that he didn't see that happen, or he didn't hear what she said, or what's the big deal? Then he turns around and says that I must be the one with the problem because I'm the one who is upset!  His mother plays the damsel in distress role really good.  When he's not around, she's blunt and rude, but when he's around all of a sudden she's unsure and can't speak and then she'll cry on the drop of a hat.  She always claims that she doesn't understand why I just don't like her.... She should get an oscar.  Anyways, I'm sure all of this rambling doesn't make much sense, but as I'm typing, I'm thinking of incident after incident (10 years worth) and I'm just venting.  Wives, do whatever you have to do to keep your sanity!  I do have a question for you all out there though... When you can't stand your mother in law, and don't trust her, how do you let her spend time with your children?  My MIL was a crappy mother to her kids, and she's an even worse grandmother.  I know that she has a right to see the kids, but I don't trust her with my children at all, and I can't stand to share the same space with her so it's a catch 22. 

ImNotTheCrazyOne ImNotTheCrazyOne
31-35, F
3 Responses Mar 7, 2010

My MIL was a horrible mother to her children and even worse to her grandchildren (unless you were one of her "favorites") I refused to let her continue the family trend with mine. It's too long to get into but I wasn't having it. I wouldn't let that woman near my kids. I saw my 30+ year old niece a couple of weeks ago and she and the other grandchildren still feel hurt and pain over how my MIL treated them. My SIL and BIL let that women abuse those kids emotionally. My BIL did it because 1) she's his mother and he didn't have the cojones to do something about it; and 2) my SIL always wanted my MIL's approval. Something she never got in the 30+ years she's been with my BIL. So, honey... my advice to you is those are YOUR kids, not hers and you do what you feel is best.

Honey, let me get something straight for you, she does NOT have a RIGHT to see those kids. She has a PRIVILEGE that you and your hubby can take away at anytime. Go ask a CPS attorney or a family law attorney and they will tell you (depending on state you live in it can vary) that in mosts states, if you are married and living together, neither sets of grandparents have "grandparent rights". They just have whatever you extend to them. The only way they have a "right" is if one of you dies or if you divorce.<br />
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I made that clear to my MIL when she tried the whole grandparent right thing. Now she knows that she can try to guilt trip us, but that is it. She can't call the cops and say we are denying her any rights, and neither can your MIL.<br />
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I unfortunately have no advice for you on what to do with her seeing the kids, other than don't let it be unsupervised. Make it be where you want when you want and not her choice. I am still trying to work out that too.

We completely cut my MIL off, DH agreed that if she can't treat him and us right then she won't treat our child right either. It's sad and I wish things could be different with her, but the reality is that she will never be a good grandmother and we don't want to expose our innocent child to her.