My Problem Too!!!

I have been married for 28 years and believe me it doesn't get any better, in fact I think it probably gets worse. Only because in the beginning you are naive and try to please everyone starting out. Then you finally realize something is wrong with this picture. My husband is the favorite son among three other siblings. How they don't recognize the special treatment he gets I don't know. They must be stupid is the only thing I can figure. My husband is serously ill now with a potentially fatal disease so that makes it doubly hard. She goes to the doctor's appointments with him and everything. I am just pushed to the side. I think most of the time, it is like she is his wife. She does everything with him. And there is no talking in the world that is going to change it. NONE. If God came down to earth, I don't think my husband would listen to him. I have begged, pleaded and gotten angry and none of it does any good. But what is really bad is it does something to your self esteem. The one person who should put you first doesn't. So it makes you feel like you are not loved or cared for like you are supposed to be in a marriage. That is why I have bent over backwards to be the best mother-in-law to my son's wife that I can. I would never treat her like I have been treated. I am glad to find this site. You feel so alone most of the time and just reading these entries makes me realize that many people go thru the same thing I have gone thru all these years.

abbytabby abbytabby
51-55, M
2 Responses Mar 13, 2010

it must be really frustrating for you to not have your husband stand up for you. some mothers act so controlling and they just cant let go of their perfect little baby boys. ugh. its so exasperating!

I agree there are so many emotional steps we go thru with these messed up MILs. I too have decided it will never be better and only become worse so I've given up and my MIL is no longer welcome in our home or lives. My husband speaks to her on the phone, but it's stilted and limited. Luckily, I guess, DH is not her favorite and that must be alot easier than having the chosen one for a husband. I shiver to think what it would be like if DH didn't stand up for us and limit her contact. I agree it dimishes your self esteem to have a MIL who acts like the other woman in your husband's life.....DH has acknowledged that is just how she speaks and behaves, like a scorned lover. She treats me like an outsider who doesn't exist and I'm the troublemaker, yet my husband knows better. He has willingly established boundaries with her, which p!sses her off. After 9 years there is emotional distance, but whenever any holiday rolls around my MIL pesistantly tries to cause disharmony in our marriage, sometimes she succeeds, mostly she fails. Now we recognize her patterns and intentions, her ploys are quite translucent, usually, we chuckle at her evil and predicatable behavior and our lives go on......until the next time.