Abuse. And What Ive Went Through

Hi. im tamara .. i tuned 14 on june 20th. i thought i would take this time to summerize  about one the woman in m life that i dispise. my mother. i could write about my dad too, but that would be to much for they are both messed up too. since i was little i have been in an abusive family , were they believe that abuse is a way of raising children. so i would be slapped. i did get punched by my father when i was just 5-6 and my mom till this day. me and her cannot be in the same room without screaming, and fighting. she is never happy with what i do. she loooveees to have that feeling of control that she is supiroir and anythinggg even the littlest things she controls me on . i tell her what she does and orders is useless and i tell her she just wants to control me and she sais yesssyess she does . then she starts lecturing on how soon she will disown me and kick me out .. how im a ***** and a ***** and i have no respect.. which really i dont know what i do thats bitchy..i bare with so much i have to beg her to drop me at the mall or anything or if not ill have to take the bus whitch i dont know how to take it. while allll my friends parents drive them werever and care about them. my mom always makes me as if im the bad one she curses me and everything, puts my self esteem loww.  i do nothing. and how she threatens to let me be on the streets and how she doesnt care anymore even if it means i would kill myself she said .. "i dont even care if you want to commit suicide it would take a load off my shoulder haha" she slaps me. spits on my face . words cant describe how i feel. i feel like im no good im worthless . i ask God every night about what did i do in life to deserve this. to deserve verbal and physical abuse. i want to get out and be free from this . from the shouting, cursing,hitting,beating . i take suicide as an alternative but then i think about my friends that would be hurt . i just release my stress through cutting myself. and when my mom sees that she asks whyy i cut myself , when shes the main reason . i want to make enough  money to flee when im 18 just get away i wishh i can. please anyy tips on a way i can escape this 

thank you, sorry for any mispelling or punttuation i cant really see what im typing with tears in my eyes.

tearstained tearstained
13-15, F
Jul 31, 2010