Can't Get Out Of This.

Hii. Just wanna share my story with you. I suppose that some of you had story like this. My dad died when I was 8, since then I live with my mother and 2 brothers. Problem is that she hugs me once in a year, only when she wants me to do something. She always calls me like : youre stupid, no one wants you, look- youre ugly! , and who would ever want you to have as daughter. She also have a drinking problem. Since dad died she drinks when ever she have money to. And ofcourse she borrows money from every neighbour that we know. She have large debts to everyone we know. When I was little I remember that kids in school were yelling something like: haha, don't fall like your mother on the street last night when she was drunk.
There are some minutes in a week when she is acting like a normal mom. I too remember that what ever I was crying about when I was little she always slapped me and said: will you cry now? There was never a question like why am I crying. For ten years she didn't allowed me to see older brother and sister. Last summer finally we 'meet' each other. I said meet cuz separation was too long. And yesterday she told me that I can't go to see my brother and sister cuz I'm a ****. And I ask her why do you think that? She said, look at you. All the womens in our family were ***** except me. I wonder does she see herself? She have a boyfriend. And it's like I never seen her with another guy. Ofcourse I did. And it hurts when you know that I never had a real mother next to me, to talk about bothers me. Oh yea. So for this almost 10 years since dad died we still live in the same old room with no bathroom, or hot water. Soon they will turn off the electricity. I just can't wait till I'll be 18 to live my own life, whitout her harassment. You know what? Every mom smells nice, warm.. My mom never smelled like that. She smells on alcohol. That's the thing I'm gonna remember her for.
endofme endofme
18-21, F
Aug 6, 2010