Need Some Advise Please
Help! I really want to get away from my mother
and have a healthy relationship with my husband. I am 32, have been married for 4 years, together for almost 10. Several years ago, my mother and sister started talking bad about my husband, to me and the rest of the family, because he didn't want to go on a trip with everyone in my family and I opted to stay home with my husband. That's what seems to have really started everything between my mother and myself and my husband . I want to destroy this sick hold she seems to have over me. I don't want to be this way, but it seems like every time I try to stick up for me or my husband, I worry that I am going to make her mad. Unfortunately, my husband sees this as me caring more about what she thinks than what he does, which isn't true, but his argument makes sense. How can I get the idea out of my head that I NEED a relationship with her just because she's my mom??? I don't need her driving me crazy or making me feel guilty or trying to get me in on some kind of family argument or to be gossiping about others to me. I know all of this, but somehow, I still feel like I need to make an effort to make everyone happy. I am losing my husband over this......my biggest fear. He is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me & I am so afraid that I won't be able to keep him because I am worried about telling my mom how I feel and hurting her feelings. Yes, I know that my story shows all kinds of ways that she has hurt my feelings & that I need to remember that when speaking with her. My husband now says that I just don't know what I want. I do know what I want; I want to be with him. Am I crazy, or is being 32 & worried about how my mom will feel if I tell her what she is doing to me just plain sick? I have told her, several times, about specifics that she has said and/or done that make me feel hurt, disrespected, or guilty and she always says she's sorry, but at the same time, it's like she doesn't believe these words are actually coming from me & not my husband. She thinks he's "making me" think & feel this way. Sounds like I am placing blame on her, but in all reality, it's my fault that I feel this way. I want to just stand up and say to her that this is my life & I am going to live it, & if that means that she isn't in my life, then so be it, but..... How can I break this hold?? Why can't I just grow up and be my own woman instead of worrying about what mom thinks????