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Living With A Bully Mother

My mother didn't want me.  She and my older sister bullied me and made fun of me.  They had a little song they originated and sang:  "WITCH way? who NOSE?" which they used to taunt me about my nose which was broken when I was three and fell out of a second story window.  They would sing it on the way to church, on vacations and generally any time they wanted to reduce me to tears.  My dad and brother didn't join in, but they did nothing to stop it either.  I can remember not wanting to get out of the car because my face was tear-streaked and swollen but my dad would threaten me with his belt if I didn't.
She would also make fun of my height telling me that I "towered over all of the boys" that she could always spot me (I am 5'9").  I was ashamed of my height and for years slumped over trying to make myself shorter.  Now all I have is a crooked back to show for it, but I do stand up straight and tall.  She and my sister would tell me that boys didn't like tall girls anbd that I would never have a boyfriend.
Now that mother is old, she gives all of the family heirlooms to my sister because she says I don't deserve them (which may be true because I pretty much stay away from them).  Then she tells her friends and family that she split everything up equally.  Please don't get me wrong, I don't want anything that reminds me of her, it's just that she misrepresents what she did and then lied about it.  She even tries to convince me how "fair" she has been with her valuables and belongings. 
The few times a year (holidays) that I have gone to my parents' apartment I have noticed that they have no pictures of my family.  The dressers and tables are covered with pictures of my sister and her family and my brother and his wife, but none of my children or family. 
I feel guilty because I know I am supposed honor my parents.  My dad will not cross her and so I find it difficult to have a relationship with him as well.  It wakes me up at night because I feel like God will never forgive me for not following this commandment but I just can hardly stand to be around her. 
I have honestly tried to love her but I just cannot.
oogler oogler 51-55 58 Responses Mar 6, 2011

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After I had my own family, I forgotten about the emotional hurt inflicted upon me as a kid. My mom and sister made fun of my weight (called me "Baby Huey"), made fun of my crossed eyes (before they were corrected) and other things like exclude me from their conversations, love, jokes, etc. If my sister started a fight with me and I fought back, my mom would tell me I shouldn't fight her (but it was fine if she ripped my hair out or kicked my shins and bloodied my face).

When mom got remarried during our teens, my stepfather showed my sister special treatment, and my mom and stepfather put her in modeling classes for a short time. They promised to put me in some class but never did fulfill their word.

Later, my sister had children first. During family gatherings, I was invisible. My sister was treated as some fertility goddess. A few years later, after I had two of my own kids, my kids got some attention and conversation from my stepfather while mom retreated to kitchen to smoke. I never connected with her and that connection was what me and my kids were seeking.

I am now disowned by my mother. After my stepfather passed away, she had me and my kids move in to help with money. When my kids showed normal signs of life, such as talking, laughing, etc., my mom labeled it as inappropriate and told me to get the **** out. Me and my kids had just escaped domestic violence situation from my ex-husband, so I knew to get out right then, it would not get better. No contact with her since, though I tried to talk to her at my aunt's. My mom acted as if I was the most evil and vile person and left my aunt's crying (creating drama).

I believe she has a personality disorder of some sort. It hurts at times that I do not see my mom or sister, but I am healthier emotionally without the abuse and craziness.

wow i feel sorry for you

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There is a difference between hate and dislike, kind of. If your family has been unfair to you, I think it's best to avoid visiting them because even though that may be unfair too, it might wake them up and make them see how whatever we do we get it in return. It's the same with liars. If we lie and get discovered that we lie, then it should be reasonable that we won't be trusted or believed in anymore, no matter how much we may sometimes or start meaning it and no matter how true, how serious it can be, and how necessary it is to know about it all due to the fact that we lied. Another example is when the African Americans were discriminated against there were boycotts and those who hurted the African Americans got hurt too, not physically but economically which jeopardizes their possibility to maintain themselves and to even continue owning the house, so they had no choice but to stop discriminating against the African Americans to be able to continue maintaining themselves. So whether we like it or not, we still get to deal with the consequences for our actions, and if you avoid visiting your family and even refuse to say hi to them whenever you see them, it will hurt them, but not physically and as I already said they might think about how badly they treated you, or they may judge you in their brains and just complain but one thing for sure is that our unlearned lessons are more likely to be learned after we pass away and hopefully we have learned all of our lessons by judgement day. So this day is the day for you to start over and fresh and leave behind everything that bothered you in the past, and you will surely live happily.

my mother is incredibly overbearing. she constantly makes jabs about how I talk, how I walk, what I wear, and I eat. When I used to cry when I was a child because it would hurt me (this started when I was 10) she would call me a 'wuss' and 'overly-sensitive". whenever I was sick she would belittle and tell me it's my fault I'm sick, and that I was weak. this was for everything, from headaches to viruses.
she's gotten used to the term "abnormal" now. whenever i do something she doesn't like, she calls me that.
I don't know what to do anymore, when I was younger it used to severely affect my self esteem , and now , that I'm an adult and realise it's not my fault the way she thought about me. but she still continues. and I just dont want to be apart of it anymore.

I used to genuinely think there was something wrong me. I didn't like eating infront of her because it was just too stressful.

My mom is a bully to she calls my a selfish brat and makes fun of me all the time for the littlest things like how I dress (hipster kind of) and swears at me and I can't do anything about it cause if I do my mom will hit me she's done it before I mean my mom is a police officer I would think she wouldn't be like that cause they get calls about parents miss treating their kids but no so stay strong and your not alone

Your family is toxic, and missing all the components and behaviours that make people human. Cut all ties; you deserve to be happy and free, your children need that from you and you have no obligation to people who cruelly and maliciously mistreated you all your life and continue to do so. For your own mental, physical and emotional health, GET OUT from under and stay out. God loves you and there is nothing to forgive. Don't underestimate this love He has for you. Don't reject this gift, embrace it. You are greatly loved.

So sad. I'm in my 50's too and by now, I thought my mom would have thrown off the evil in her but she had yet. You can honor your parents from afar. Your post ( although three years old now) does not contain a hint of bitterness, only disappointment and heartbreak as well as longing. The bible charges parents to not exasperate their children among other things. Sometimes I don't get why God let these women be our mothers, I feel ripped off but maybe that draws us closer to Him and we find unconditional love. Still, it would have been nice to have a mom who was sincere and not phony, double minded or an outright bully. Google FAMILY SERIAL BULLY and be enlightened and healed. It is NOT you. It is their own inferiority that causes them to do this for life. nothing you can do to change it. honoring them IS loving them from afar, forgiving them from afar and not engaging in disputes. God DOES know your heart and refuge in his forgiveness and love. I do. It's awesome. Leave them to their own misery.

Dear bullied ,, bless ur sweet heart! Nothing could be worse than the people who are supposed to honor and love u unconditionally and protect u from any harm are the ones terrorizing you. Let me tell u something a very spiritual person said to me, just because u were born to someone or with someone does not mean they deserve ur honor or respect. These people are very very sick and u do not have to honor or respect anything about them. All u have to do if ur parents and siblings are not worth honoring is go to your next father, your Heavenly Father. God also said that children are. Gift from God and they are to be loved and cherished. That is not happening for you. Don't u dare let anyone tell u that u have to honor or be a doormat to family just because u were born into it! U r a child of God and he made u to be loved and cherished as he sees u!! They are jeleous and envious and those are two friends of the devil!! Jealousy and envy live deep in the heart of the devil and he loves it when someone is hurt by these two evil monsters!! U just keep looking to God For love and hopefully u have a wonderful husband and children. Live for their love!! Forget those horrible people. Never go back and never let them take up anymore of your precious time. Soon enough they will have to stand before God for their judgement and they will have to answer when he asks, ' why did u treat my precious child with hate and why did no one stand up and protect her!?' Then he will cast them out to suffer as they made u suffer! Live your life in spite of them!! Be beautiful and joyous and free!!

I have a similar story. But not as bad. My mother tells me everyday that I'm too fat or lazy. Or if I try to tell her how I feel, she will tell me I'm a jerk or just get real upset at me and look with those "you should feel really guilty" eyes. My little sister is a problem too. She beats me up and says so many things. But when I fight back, I'm the one who gets in trouble. My mom is super involved in school lige and when I have below an A, she flips out. She blames my teacher for decrease and she blames herself for letting us watch tv diring the weak. But the only reason I can think of is all the stuff going on at home. This story gave me hope for when I finally get out of my horror house. Thank you so much.

"I am supposed honor my parents" is not for people who are NOT parents, and giving birth to a baby does not automatically grant someone parenting abilities. A woman ridiculing her own daughter for a nose that would not have happened if she were cared for properly, is NOT a mother. I have disowned my mother because of her own inability to take responsibility for the horrific things she has done and cannot apologize for. Forgiveness should only be granted to those who ask for it, and it doesn't sound as if your mother minds a bit.

My used to tell me that I was worthless and that it was better for her to not have kids. She humiliates me and my other siblings evey time she gets a chance. She slapped me once when we had a family vacation and told every one I was being a little *****.
I didn't get a hug or a kiss from her, not even one. When I try to defend myself I would get spanked and got locked in a room by myself. She won't let me out until I promise to not ever do that again.
Everyone got gifts when they turned 16, I got a black eye and a swollen knee. She humiliated infront of my friends and I fought back.
I just turned 23. I now have a stable job and a house away from her and I'm never coming back.

I hate my mum wish I could run away she horrible

My mum is like that too. My sister is the worst for it. Makes me want to rip their hair out but there's nout I can do. Don't get me wrong, you're in a worse situation as me. But I understand where you're coming from. Just the other day my sister said I was nasty and no wonder I have no friends. What she doesn't know is that every comment she makes breaks me a little inside. I have many friends - if not too many! But she doesn't know me at all so tries to point out my weaknesses, saying that you could play dot to dot on my forehead because I'm quite spotty. I'll never forgive her for what torture she's put me through and I hope you find enough strength to confront your family about it. My heart goes out to you, it really does. 😊

This is so sad to read. My mother is a bully too but maybe not quite as bad as these stories, although ita still made an emotional scar on me. Please check out for some relief and eye opening, and support, and advice. It has really helped me feel like its not ME that isnt good enough, its my mother's own issues and pschology.

My moms emotionally bullying me and singles me out ans treats me like Cinderella. I go to sleep crying at night afraid if I'm going to wake up the next morning due to such stress and other household people and problems..what do I do...

Wow this completely sounds like me and my situation. Im a introverted, non confrontational person..why the bullying is all I wanna know..its like im talking to a screaming wall when I try and find out...can't handle this anymore.

I have a similar story with my mom and older sister. My mom wanted a boy and I don't believe she wanted me or even likes me. Children can feel this without being told. I also hope God isn't dissapointed in me for not liking her, but I can't stand being around her. My sister is constantly tries to keep my mom on her side and I don't know why, because I don't want her. Now that my mom is getting old and needs somewhere to live, suddently my sister is trying to get her to live with me but is interested in renting out her house. My sister is a major manipulator. The thought of living with my mother despresses me.

Hi there. I just wanted to say a few words because I want you to be able to move on with your life. I won't be saying I can relate to you, because the truth is... I haven't had similar experience in "family"... although I feel like telling you that I think you are a Good person, and because you by telling your story have refused to accept that behaviour. You know they are nothing like you. You may be by blood but you are not related in certain respects, and you will evolve above this eventually... whatever you chose to do and believe. You will learn and know that material possessions and money are a part of life but they are not the be all or end all and you will not be controlled by them or affected by their callous decision to make a cloudy attempt at stifling your happiness. You will make your own way in life and be stronger (than can be known) because of it. You do not have to love them, for you have probably already done all you could and so may decide. You may show them that you love yourself and your family and care not if they realize it. Take care of yourself now, and by allowing yourself the proper judgement of the company you keep... in whatsoever you may mean well, make sure to not give away the rest of yourself that can be kept for yourself. I trust you can make the steps to higher ground.

God also wants you to Love Yourself.
Continuing to subject yourself to your "mother" is Self-Abuse. So why continue to do it?
Tell her how you feel If she continues her abusive behavior - than why go back for more abuse?
If you choose to forgive her, it does not mean you must continue to allow her to mentally abuse you, and make you miserable.
God would not want that.

i hate bully mother and father

Forget honor, keep these people out of your life.

i'm the only kid in the family and my family means only me and my mom. yet we don't get along and she started hitting me when i was 7, she quit doing that about 4 years ago (I'm 22 by the way). and still we can't understand each other and she always keeps me away from my friends and the other family. it's kind of her thing, keeping me away from world outside and ruining my plans

You are a grown adult. No one can keep you from reaching out to family and friends.
You deserve to peruse these relationships.
It is hard to stand up for yourself when you have been beaten down, but you are your own person.
If you are still living at home, and she is paying the bills, you may have to live by (most of) her rules.
Keep your head held high, and pursue your independence in a positive way. Good Luck

oh dear I have been throught the same when I was 12 my mom made fun of me in front of my friends they start teasing me I feel so much hate for her deeply

First of all let me say that I feel for you. I also grew up and suffered in an abusive home. It's very difficult to change or even understand an abusers mindset. So all I can say is love the people around you who support you. And love God and love yourself. And when the Bible says honor thy mother and father. It means to honor them for giving you birth. You should forgive them but it does not mean that you have to have a relationship with them. Have no fear if you have Christ in your heart you'll be forgiven. Good luck and God bless.


Dear friend,
You are not alone. There are a million similar cases out there including mine. I have a peciuliar type of narcissist for a mother who is totally self absorbed, handles people with money and / or guilt because nobody can stay near her any other way. She also shows a clear prejudice in favor of my brother merely based on the fact that he is male and i am female. Although she always declared how beautiful i am and how much she loves me, her actions and comments suggested otherwise. I don't know which is worse having an openly and clearly hostile parent or having somebody that pretend that love you while in fact uses you, lies to you and undermines your every effort with desrespect behind your back. As for the love we feel for them dispite their mean attitude this is because we are good people. But we don't have to love them. Check the book of alice miller, phychoanalyst. Best regards. A friend from Greece.

I know what it feels like...
My mom tries to tutor me at math, but whenever she starts to do it, she gets pissed like INSTANTLY, even though I've only done the mistake once or twice. Today, she told me to "shut up" which is the worst she has said to me.
You may think it's nothing, but it really hurt my feelings.

Such a lot of pain on here. Suggest locating the book, "Toxic Parents" and read it cover to cover even if you think a chapter doesn't apply to you. Then explore EFT/Tapping, and Reiki healing. It took me years to address within myself the issues of my mother's abuse (which sometimes still crops up even though she's dead- the script is in my head), but Reiki took me further in two hours than I got in 10 years. EFT/Tapping is also very helpful, and then finding positivity (why you experience it, and what to do with it such as Abraham-Hicks), and knowing you can get beyond that is immensely powerful. Good luck everyone.

You have done your best. I believe that is all that is asked. The fact you did not hit the door and keep moving when you turned 18 says much about your desire to "honor" your parents. It is hard to forgive someone who is still hurting you.
That you don't go around and set people straight about the situation takes great maturity. Forgive yourself my dear. Move on.

Im not tryna **** anyone off or anything, but most of these stories I found on here, are just a bunch of girls over reacting about their mother taking crap away from them, and when they see sumthing "accidental" that their mother has done, they look at the past and remeber all the BAD things their mother has done to them. I think most of these people on here are just a bunch of cry babies and need to grow up, because i grew up without a mother... U guys just need to relax. And Like i said, not tryna **** anyone off, but it is true

i undersrand you say most and not all but whether you have a mother or not there are those who have genuinely terrible mothers- its like someone who says they dont have a husband/wife that those who do and complain about them are just whining needlessly- it is possibly true and hw statistically true from the submitted claims on this website- i dnt knw -it is true people use these excuses bcoz they are too coward to solve their simple problems- but we miss the reality for those who are genuine

<p>I have a mother that I thought loved me until this year. I started to "grow up", wearing makeup, etc., and started to detach from her. She had always told me that she would love me no matter what I did, but now it's clear that was a lie. Lately I have stopped doing frequent chores and procrastinating some things she asks me to do. No big deal, all kids do that. But she then flips, not letting me do ANYTHING. She will never buy me anything (I have been wearing the same pair of shoes for over 5 months) claiming that I'm a total brat and I dont deserve it. Yet my brother does nothing to help out and he gets new clothes every month. According to her, I'm just too much of a monstorous brat to deserve anything. She calls me fat, telling me to get my big *** off the computer and clean the bathroom. I'm not popular at school, so she tells me that I have no friends because I'm so nasty. <br />
She never lets anything go, never lets me forget anything I've done wrong. She always treats my brother so much better than me and it's really obvious. Her actions have cause my Social Anxiety to get really bad, I literally can't even be around my Aunts or Uncles without being nervous that I'll do something wrong.<br />
The worst part is, I've told her that I'm depressed, I've confronted her about everything. She just makes it into a big joke, laughing whenever I saw anything, being sarcastic at whatever I say. She hits me if I "**** her off" and broke the keyboard to my laptop when she found out I got on her computer. After my keys flew off, she said "Oops." She's seen the cuts on my wrists, seen me cry. She hasnt done a thing about it.<br />
I just started "running away", just walking with no real destination. I left at 6 pm and didnt get home until 8:20. She was on the couch watching tv.<br />
I honestly want to die, I have nobody at home or at school. Anywhere i go I'm tormented and teased. I always felt like I was the only one going through this. But now I know I'm not.</P>

Your "mother" is an abusive, psychopathic *****. She loved you when you were her prepubescent pet, but now that you are have interests and priorities that have nothing to do with her, her narcissistic *** can't handle it. Most likely, she's jealous that you are turning into a young, beautiful girl that she knows she will never be again. That ****** her off. That's why she doesn't hate your brother like she does you. Also, she most likely (tell me if I'm wrong) turns the rest of your so-called family against you too? The way you say that you are anxious about being around your aunts and uncles make me think that ~she~ (your ***** "mother") is afraid of what ~her~ relatives/family might think about her? ~she~ is probably as insecure as she constantly seeks to make you. About the physical abuse--go to the police/authorities. If it has actually happened, reporting it can only mean things getting better for your. Of course the coward that is your "mother" would want to hide this, say such things as "what happens in this house stays in this house" (as did the **** that called herself my mother, who can rot in her own **** in a 3rd rate nursing home as far as I'm concerned). Long story short, you have no mother, and quite frankly, you have no family--(had you, they would have defended you against this ****.) The best you can do is cut your losses, understand that this "person" how crapped you out is dead to you, and live your live to the fullest. Know that doing so, you will be so much happier that this ***** ever will or ever has been.

i dont know whats wrong with her she messes with my emotions way too much. One minute shes nasty the next shes nice.....but really i think she does it because her parents would whip her and her siblings with a belt if they did something wrong, but that was back in like 1960. And its really too hard to accept the fact that I will never have real parents, I just can't deal with it. I will never have the mother giving me useful advice, the dad that calls me his princess and would do anything for me. And I even wish I had a normal brother, he is basically mute when mom's not around because 99% of what he says is chiming in to her beating me down. Yes, I have realized she only wanted a puppet and never really loved me. And thank you for replying, it seriously means alot.