Living With A Bully Mother

I know what it feels like...
My mom tries to tutor me at math, but whenever she starts to do it, she gets pissed like INSTANTLY, even though I've only done the mistake once or twice. Today, she told me to "shut up" which is the worst she has said to me.
You may think it's nothing, but it really hurt my feelings.

Such a lot of pain on here. Suggest locating the book, "Toxic Parents" and read it cover to cover even if you think a chapter doesn't apply to you. Then explore EFT/Tapping, and Reiki healing. It took me years to address within myself the issues of my mother's abuse (which sometimes still crops up even though she's dead- the script is in my head), but Reiki took me further in two hours than I got in 10 years. EFT/Tapping is also very helpful, and then finding positivity (why you experience it, and what to do with it such as Abraham-Hicks), and knowing you can get beyond that is immensely powerful. Good luck everyone.

You have done your best. I believe that is all that is asked. The fact you did not hit the door and keep moving when you turned 18 says much about your desire to "honor" your parents. It is hard to forgive someone who is still hurting you.
That you don't go around and set people straight about the situation takes great maturity. Forgive yourself my dear. Move on.

Im not tryna **** anyone off or anything, but most of these stories I found on here, are just a bunch of girls over reacting about their mother taking crap away from them, and when they see sumthing "accidental" that their mother has done, they look at the past and remeber all the BAD things their mother has done to them. I think most of these people on here are just a bunch of cry babies and need to grow up, because i grew up without a mother... U guys just need to relax. And Like i said, not tryna **** anyone off, but it is true

I have a mother that I thought loved me until this year. I started to "grow up", wearing makeup, etc., and started to detach from her. She had always told me that she would love me no matter what I did, but now it's clear that was a lie. Lately I have stopped doing frequent chores and procrastinating some things she asks me to do. No big deal, all kids do that. But she then flips, not letting me do ANYTHING. She will never buy me anything (I have been wearing the same pair of shoes for over 5 months) claiming that I'm a total brat and I dont deserve it. Yet my brother does nothing to help out and he gets new clothes every month. According to her, I'm just too much of a monstorous brat to deserve anything. She calls me fat, telling me to get my big *** off the computer and clean the bathroom. I'm not popular at school, so she tells me that I have no friends because I'm so nasty.

She never lets anything go, never lets me forget anything I've done wrong. She always treats my brother so much better than me and it's really obvious. Her actions have cause my Social Anxiety to get really bad, I literally can't even be around my Aunts or Uncles without being nervous that I'll do something wrong.

The worst part is, I've told her that I'm depressed, I've confronted her about everything. She just makes it into a big joke, laughing whenever I saw anything, being sarcastic at whatever I say. She hits me if I "**** her off" and broke the keyboard to my laptop when she found out I got on her computer. After my keys flew off, she said "Oops." She's seen the cuts on my wrists, seen me cry. She hasnt done a thing about it.

I just started "running away", just walking with no real destination. I left at 6 pm and didnt get home until 8:20. She was on the couch watching tv.

I honestly want to die, I have nobody at home or at school. Anywhere i go I'm tormented and teased. I always felt like I was the only one going through this. But now I know I'm not.

omg i cant believe a mom would do that stay strong you are great but the hard part is making sure you and your kids dont become anything like her

I myself have a bullying mother. When I was born, she "knew something was wrong with me". She never truly embraced me as her own daughter or my sister (I am a twin). For most of my life, she has embarrassed me countless times in front of her guests; tormented me with cruel comments; purposefully lied to me and my sister in attempts to turn us against my own father (and him against me and my sister); and so many other things that I can't think of right now! One time when I was 16 or 17, she told me I would make a horrible house wife because I was not interested in learning how to cook and was not a fan of cleaning. Yes mom, I aspire to be a house wife when I am living on my own anyways (not!).
I am 22 years of age. Unfortunately, I was undecided about what I wanted to do career wise which set me back a couple of years with regards to graduating from college, getting a decent-paying job, and getting the heck out of my house for good. When I am able to (which will be ASAP), I will move out and will have minimal contact with her. I will contact my father on a regular basis (whom I have a very positive relationship with) but she will have minimal contact with me until she learns to treat me as the wonderful person I am.
I agree we should respect our parents as they did raise us, give us food, etc. but we do NOT owe them our lives nor should we have to put up with bullying B/S (they did afterall CHOOSE to have us, or keep us [if conception occurred as a result of an accident lol]). It is one thing for parents to set rules and expectations upon us in the form of chores, curfews, and setting REASONABLE limits on what is and isn't "allowed". Perhaps some "nagging" or "teasing" in a playful manner should be expected too as long as it does not hurt or drain you. It is entirely something different if parents (in this case, a bullying mother) demand things from you, bully you, harass you again and again about things, deliberately embarrass you in front of others, put you down, etc.
I have tried telling some friends about my mother's behavior and all some think of is "she is your mother, it is expected of her to behave this way" and some have even said I am some kind of free-loading spoiled brat who gives her parents crap. What, since when is me being upset about my mother's bullying ways and not putting up with it being a free-loading spoiled brat?!
At the end of the day, I don't think me trying to talk to her about it will do me any good, as she is also very prideful and is certainly not at the point in her life where she wants to change. I could talk to her and "get it off my chest/shoulders" yet having the discussion with her will be very emotionally and mentally draining for me and I know this with a lot of certainty.
My advice for everyone who reads this? If you want to talk to your mother about her behavior and believe it will help, do so. If you don't believe it will help at all, do your best to either ignore her atrocious behavior and/or find a way to get the heck out ASAP. For short-term purposes, try to have as many social connections outside of the house as you can; this can be a challenge if you are shy and/or an introvert such as myself but it can be done, trust me!

My mother plain hates me. She tries to convince all the members of my family to hate and loath me. She is so mean and evil sometimes I fear my own thoughts... I know she had a rough childhood and that my grandfather was abusive, cruel and machista towards her for being a woman and the first child, but it doesn´t mean she can bully me all the time just because she hates her own father. Right know I don't want to kown anything about her, I try to ignore her because when she talks she always belittles me by comparing me to other "successful" people I don´t even know or heard about and that´s her most used bullying strategy. I hope she someday would change a little, until then I'm living a nightmare. Thank God I have a girlfriend that loves me. I really need to be SINCERELY LOVE without it what is life reduced to MONEY, SEX, TV, OPRAH, BEYONCE... life would be worthless.

My mom bullies me too. She wasn't always like that -- I was so close to her when I was young. But she has something negative to say everytime she sees me, I'm not joking. On the computer? I need to go for a run. Going for a run? I'm crazy for running on the road. I'm only a teenager and she still reduces me to tears and blames me for my own depression. My brother does nothing about it, and he's just as lazy as me, but is my mom's favorite because he has a 99 average in school and doesn't have a social life like I do. I can't stand her. When she forces me to stay home on weekends I hide in my room and do my best to defend myself from her words, but it's not enough at times. I pretty much live in my room and in my own thoughts and I can't wait until I can leave.

That's so cruel.My mom is so mean to me.When I'm upset and trying to get over something she'll keep biting and bringing it back up.She lives on my brother more than me.She torchures me.When I'm sad and need a moment she pushes me and yells at me to go into the school.She'll roll her eyes at me when I want a hug or kiss.My mom has taken her anger out on me and she'll get nasty at me and make fun of me because I'm sensitive.Sometimes I try to defend myself and she'll scream at me.I made her breakfast once.She only took a bite before telling me to go throw it out.She'll taunt me and rudely imitate me when I'm crying.I am crying as I type.

There are two things that happen when one grows up with terrible parents. One, you yourself become a terrible parent, or two you completely change the flow of things and love your child unconditionally. I think everyone here who has been hurt on such a deep emotional level will have a healthy, supportive and beautiful relationship with their own children. God Bless.

I've been very fortunate , my mother is my best friend, we are very close and I'm very lucky, qiv read all your stories and it breaks my heart all your mothers treated you the way they did, I had a wicked step mum growing up, she would get drunk and say very nasty stuff to and about me to others, she was very jealous of my mum, I just felt sorry for my step mum and she would never have what me and my mum have as she can't have children. I'm now a mother myself and my little boy is my world. I feel for all of you that didn't have the mothers love you deserved

I hope you read this. I have also been bullied by my mother and didn't even realize it until lately. Doesn't matter the age, you should confront your mother about this. Remind your mother the things that she has done and then tell her how they made you feel. Odds are that your family didn't bully you on purpose but because of ignorance. Although confronting your mother may not change her, it'll lift some weight off your back (because you have confronted the problem). To be realistic, your mother may never change but you yourself have to clean your mind and soul from all this damage caused through all these years; so speaking to an counselor may help you a lot. Whoever tells you "you HAVE to forgive your mother" it's normally not a good person to listen to. A person who understand will try to look from your side and your mother's side. I personally don't think you have to forgive your mother, but it'll be best for you to forgive and try to forget about all the damage caused. Good luck, and don't feel alone in this situation.

Why should you honor a big bully who has tormented you for years?

I understand your problem and know your problem very well, I have a mother who says the most harshest words and acts inconsiderate. How she insults me without thinking twice whether about the words she said, or complaining about all the money she spent back when I was kid, or she complains before that I spent too much time with my dad but whenever I needed something she'd say go ask your father (they're divorced). Imagine living with parents using you for money and even now I'm grown-up she still continues it. The most harshest word she ever said was you don't deserve anything, or that one time when I was crying she shouted at me saying "Baliw ka na ba!" which means are you crazy? I wish I had some advice for you but I also experience what you exp, please know that you are not alone.

I don't hate my mother, but sometimes it's hard to be next to her. I want to be that perfect child, but I can't. She pushes me away,likes he doesn't need me. Then she complains I'm not there for her. I am an only child, and my whole life had just been filled with lies and confronts. If she could of been even a little supportive, even attend my plays and field trips once, it would of made my day.
But she's a grown up. It's what they do. And I love my mom and dad more then anyone or thing in the world. I really, REALLY do.
But I feel like a mistake.

hi.. i'm 12 years old and my whole family bullies me.. one time i was gonna self harm myself but then I thought of God and didnt... I hate my family. I dont know why God puts me through pain and tears everyday. they dont realize what they are doing to me.. im only a kid.. a girl. they call me fat, ugly, hairy, big butt, and ugly hair. they always talked bad about me to outsiders. they break their promises at me. they yell at me when I ask something so nicely. But they treat my brother like a king. when my bird escaped accidently and died somewhere when he was a baby, my brother and mom just laughed at me and told everyone else and they laughed at me too. i feel like running away. i cant stand to live in this household.

Man, I'm going to give my opinion. The fault is not yours, it's your mother and sister. They sang that horrible song, made ​​you mourn them, they made ​​fun of you. They should apologize. If your mother does not have pictures of your family, is why do not you consider your family. And you should talk. You should yell even. You should tell your mother that you did not deserve that, and if you do not want to you as a child, to commit suicide, because you are their child.

And as for your sister, does the same thing with your m, mother talk, even gritense. If your mother gave her most of the family inheritance, you should tell him how you feel about that. Do not go away, just talk with them, be together, shout, insult, as they want, but talk about it. Tell them how you feel and if you miss a blow to your mother or your sister is fine, because they deserve it and also you are defending and expressing

Hi I'm 41 years old bachelor (boy or man, you decide :P), my mother has been bullying me for the last 41 years, my father, brother and sister have bullied me off and on alongwith her. My mother made me cook, wash utencils, do odd jobs for entire family etc. She sees to it I don't attend any party and family function. She holds me responsible for my father's death. She ill treats me in front of everyone. I drowned myself in alcohal & cigerettes, last month I was diagnosed with pancreatitis means 24/7 pain in stomach. Her latest salvo : She repeats 'Die' atleast 100 times a day, she has literally locked me on 1st floor of home, I cook for myself buy my own vegetables, medicines etc. goto hospital for medical tests and to see doctor. Oflate she has asked me to vacate as soon as possible. I wonder what will happen when I run out of money. Yes, she has debarred me from property rights also. But, I'm hanging in, I still nurture dreams of a life without her, a nice companion .. never say die .. this too shall pass :):) .. yeah, don't feel sorry for yourself -- rather buy rat poison ;-) there's no market for sorrows & tears .. you gotta hang in and fight for your rights

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l rally understand you fully and l can never judge you for hating her she and your sister made your self estteem go down but that did not make you not live a normal life now that you understand every thing there is always a turning point into your life you can make them see that they are not the ones that define your future its God am very sure that God will make you the best in his own way.and your mum and sister will put into shame but dont hold any gradge towards them forgive them and let your life be your life it does not matter what they said in the past you are now living in the present.Dont drug the past into your present.Make sure your dreams come to past.May the good lord help you to forgive the and bring a new meaning into your life.God bless

Hi, my Mother is a bully too. She called me names (‘****’ was her favorite) and made fun of my shyness and anxiety as a teenager. I think deep down she realized that I’m shy because of all the criticism and that angered her even more. She always smiled at people and said everything is ok, but at home she was a totally different person. She would get mad at everything about me: the way I look, the way I am, the way I look at her. She would explode, start hitting me and then tell me it’s all my fault because I made her this way, and I had to go apologize to her, to make it ok (“Mommy, I’m sorry. I will not be a bad girl anymore”). My Dad was always on her side. And worst of all, she would make up elaborate stories of why there is conflict in the family - she would read Freud and say that’s because I want (?!?) my father and hate her. In every story/theory she created, I was the scapegoat. And now I’m 32 and she is still like this with me. She would accuse me of something bad and then hear me defend myself, and she calls this ‘communication’. I feel guilty for not loving her and I would like my daughter to have a grandmother, but all this is too much.

Thank you for this blog, it’s good to see other people share their stuff.

This is very common nowadays. Where there is one parent that that goes mad with either stress, grief or power and they do stupid things to make other people feel bad. I too had a mother who bullys me by saying verbal abuse like if I don't come to stay with her, also the fact that my parents were divorced and separated, I will never get the things I want or need like my piano teacher. She feels that she can control me and my brother and sister. I am so sorry to hear your story because after I found a documentery about why my mother and father divorced, Realising that she lied to me about everything she said to me, I Hated her of by heart and I don't ever want to speak to her or see her again. My step mother said that there are good people and bad people out there, and we should only hang out with the good people and leave the bad people alone. It's his/her life, and they have a choice. I feel thankful for my father when he said "I'd rather raise my kids alone" to my step mother after she asked whether things could get sorted out.

Dear Ooogler, although it was a long time ago since you wrote this, I feel compelled to respond to you. I too have a bully as a mother. She didnt want me from the beginning and much of the torment you explain is typical of a bullying mother. Isnt it wonderful though to be able to name what is going on. We are not the ones at fault. Your father and brother are too scared of backing you because she would definately turn her bullying on them. They are like my father.....cowardly. In fact they enable her to behave this way to you. Your sister, sadly will be the same to her children. I at least have a sister who loves me and supports me. I also have a brother who has experienced the same as an adult, and understands what she is capable of (he supported his wife and tried to stop my mother from interferring in their marriage....this is not good for our bully mother so she made up a horrific story whereby she was the victim......but this is not the case at all but no one suspected she would make it up) . My mother has no friends. She has bullied her family away, my father's family away, her immediate family away........this is because she bullies everyone now. Dad stands aside so he isnt in the firing line. I'm 48, my mother is 71, dad 73. My mother broke my leg and colar bone on two different occassions due to her rage, while I was an infant. I was sexually abused by my grandfather from the age of three till about 7 but my councelling time was spent talking about the abuse of my mother. The sexual abuse lasted a few years but mother's abuse is still going on. She too plays the "fair" game and pampers our youngest sister with money and gifts and wields her money around like a spiked club at our heads if we dare to oppose her.

I am still abused by her, then she will "recover" and pick on someone else (I used to call it flavour of the month or day) and treat me "normally" then she would get into another episode and attack me again and so on and so on. She even bullied my youngest daughter when she looked her on a weeks holiday with her cousin (son of my youngest sister). I will not allow her to be in the same room with her alone at any time. My mother pretended it was my daughter who had the problem and my father lamely let it happen. All over again.

I am not sure what to do myself but I think we have to congratulate ourselves for surving this abuse, we can be better mothers than our own, we can support each other and most of all, we have to distance ourselves from these mothers and let go of any expectations that they will change. My mother lives with guilt and is lonely. My father is still alive but has had many ailments. He is a big strong man (or was), very jolly and happy, used to his own very happy mother who was a teacher and was the only adult in my life who loved me unconditionally. I hope you surround yourself with people who do love you and support you and believe you. Support is what we need in our lives. People who see what is happening and not pulled into and whirlwind of lies and show our mother's spread to poison weaker personalities against us. Sounds melodramatic I know but they are very clever and the unwise are sucked into their games.

good luck with your journey and remind yourself that you are a far greater person than your mother or sister and you deserve to be surrounded by people who love you and accept you.

Andrea Brueck

Just do whatever you have to do to get away. These kind of people are not worth allowing in your life. My mother passed a year ago and I don't miss her. I even pretend that I don't speak the language we had in common, because anyone who speaks that language reminds me of her. Nobody has the right to treat a child like that. Just put them in the rear view and enjoy the present as much as you can.

Just do whatever you have to do to get away. These kind of people are not worth allowing in your life. My mother passed a year ago and I don't miss her. I even pretend that I don't speak the language we had in common, because anyone who speaks that language reminds me of her. Nobody has the right to treat a child like that. Just put them in the rear view and enjoy the present as much as you can.

Just do whatever you have to do to get away. These kind of people are not worth allowing in your life. My mother passed a year ago and I don't miss her. I even pretend that I don't speak the language we had in common, because anyone who speaks that language reminds me of her. Nobody has the right to treat a child like that. Just put them in the rear view and enjoy the present as much as you can.

My mom is like all the others posted here. She will find any reason to get mad and call me names. She drinks way too much. I have terrible anxiety and depression from growing up with her verbal and physical abuse. I am 23 and in therapy and on medication for all she put me through and still does. She will never be happy with anything i do.

My monster raised me to become an attorney to fill her wishes- along the way I was beaten with her fists and whatever she could grab- she sent me to German school where everyone spoke it (she spoke it) and never helped me and beat the **** out of me for failing- that went on for 3 years-I've been whipped with jump roaps, wooded shoes, the pipe from the vacuum- I can go on and on- she told me whenever I was nice I was faking it-My brother was perfect- I could write a book- havent seem her in 3 years- now I have to deal with bipolar and depression- I asked to see a dr at 10- she beat me for that- she just hates me- and now I her

I finally realize what to call it- bullying. My mother has torn me down my entire life and always will. "You're just like your father- no one really likes you- you are so fat". It hurts to think how different my life could have been if I hadn't believed her all these years.

wow that totally sucks. My own mother hates me too and its with a passion. I really have no idea what I ever did to her. The worst hing is that she taunts me and also engages other in taunting me. I remember getting into a fight with my elder sister when I was 13 which was because she had turned herself into my mother's agent to inflict emotional harm on me. She got a new neighbor to then proceed to ***** off my top exposing my chest and she then beat me. I cried all day. I was very upset and distraught. The woman kept yelling at me, telling my sister to slap me and she then proceeded to slap me also. Before then the woman was always embarrassing me and taunting me. That day was a huge spectacle with all the neighbors watching. I would never forget that day. She seemed very happy with it. Then the woman decided that she will start on my sister who was seen as the sweet angel and that's when my mother decided to shut her down by yelling at her. Not too long after, the woman decided to relocate. Her mission was complete and she was going beyond her boundaries. This is just a small sample of the wickedness she perpetrated. Only God can forgive her.