Living With A Bully MotherMy mother didn't want me. She and my older sister bullied me and made fun of me. They had a little song they originated and sang: "WITCH way? who NOSE?" which they used to taunt me about my nose which was broken when I was three and fell out of a second story window. They would sing it on the way to church, on vacations and generally any time they wanted to reduce me to tears. My dad and brother didn't join in, but they did nothing to stop it either. I can remember not wanting to get out of the car because my face was tear-streaked and swollen but my dad would threaten me with his belt if I didn't.
She would also make fun of my height telling me that I "towered over all of the boys" that she could always spot me (I am 5'9"). I was ashamed of my height and for years slumped over trying to make myself shorter. Now all I have is a crooked back to show for it, but I do stand up straight and tall. She and my sister would tell me that boys didn't like tall girls anbd that I would never have a boyfriend.
Now that mother is old, she gives all of the family heirlooms to my sister because she says I don't deserve them (which may be true because I pretty much stay away from them). Then she tells her friends and family that she split everything up equally. Please don't get me wrong, I don't want anything that reminds me of her, it's just that she misrepresents what she did and then lied about it. She even tries to convince me how "fair" she has been with her valuables and belongings.
The few times a year (holidays) that I have gone to my parents' apartment I have noticed that they have no pictures of my family. The dressers and tables are covered with pictures of my sister and her family and my brother and his wife, but none of my children or family.
I feel guilty because I know I am supposed honor my parents. My dad will not cross her and so I find it difficult to have a relationship with him as well. It wakes me up at night because I feel like God will never forgive me for not following this commandment but I just can hardly stand to be around her.
I have honestly tried to love her but I just cannot.