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Living With A Bully Mother

My mother didn't want me.  She and my older sister bullied me and made fun of me.  They had a little song they originated and sang:  "WITCH way? who NOSE?" which they used to taunt me about my nose which was broken when I was three and fell out of a second story window.  They would sing it on the way to church, on vacations and generally any time they wanted to reduce me to tears.  My dad and brother didn't join in, but they did nothing to stop it either.  I can remember not wanting to get out of the car because my face was tear-streaked and swollen but my dad would threaten me with his belt if I didn't.
She would also make fun of my height telling me that I "towered over all of the boys" that she could always spot me (I am 5'9").  I was ashamed of my height and for years slumped over trying to make myself shorter.  Now all I have is a crooked back to show for it, but I do stand up straight and tall.  She and my sister would tell me that boys didn't like tall girls anbd that I would never have a boyfriend.
Now that mother is old, she gives all of the family heirlooms to my sister because she says I don't deserve them (which may be true because I pretty much stay away from them).  Then she tells her friends and family that she split everything up equally.  Please don't get me wrong, I don't want anything that reminds me of her, it's just that she misrepresents what she did and then lied about it.  She even tries to convince me how "fair" she has been with her valuables and belongings. 
The few times a year (holidays) that I have gone to my parents' apartment I have noticed that they have no pictures of my family.  The dressers and tables are covered with pictures of my sister and her family and my brother and his wife, but none of my children or family. 
I feel guilty because I know I am supposed honor my parents.  My dad will not cross her and so I find it difficult to have a relationship with him as well.  It wakes me up at night because I feel like God will never forgive me for not following this commandment but I just can hardly stand to be around her. 
I have honestly tried to love her but I just cannot.
oogler oogler 51-55 53 Responses Mar 6, 2011

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So sad. I'm in my 50's too and by now, I thought my mom would have thrown off the evil in her but she had yet. You can honor your parents from afar. Your post ( although three years old now) does not contain a hint of bitterness, only disappointment and heartbreak as well as longing. The bible charges parents to not exasperate their children among other things. Sometimes I don't get why God let these women be our mothers, I feel ripped off but maybe that draws us closer to Him and we find unconditional love. Still, it would have been nice to have a mom who was sincere and not phony, double minded or an outright bully. Google FAMILY SERIAL BULLY and be enlightened and healed. It is NOT you. It is their own inferiority that causes them to do this for life. nothing you can do to change it. honoring them IS loving them from afar, forgiving them from afar and not engaging in disputes. God DOES know your heart and pain...seek refuge in his forgiveness and love. I do. It's awesome. Leave them to their own misery.

Dear bullied ,, bless ur sweet heart! Nothing could be worse than the people who are supposed to honor and love u unconditionally and protect u from any harm are the ones terrorizing you. Let me tell u something a very spiritual person said to me, just because u were born to someone or with someone does not mean they deserve ur honor or respect. These people are very very sick and u do not have to honor or respect anything about them. All u have to do if ur parents and siblings are not worth honoring is go to your next father, your Heavenly Father. God also said that children are. Gift from God and they are to be loved and cherished. That is not happening for you. Don't u dare let anyone tell u that u have to honor or be a doormat to family just because u were born into it! U r a child of God and he made u to be loved and cherished as he sees u!! They are jeleous and envious and those are two friends of the devil!! Jealousy and envy live deep in the heart of the devil and he loves it when someone is hurt by these two evil monsters!! U just keep looking to God For love and hopefully u have a wonderful husband and children. Live for their love!! Forget those horrible people. Never go back and never let them take up anymore of your precious time. Soon enough they will have to stand before God for their judgement and they will have to answer when he asks, ' why did u treat my precious child with hate and why did no one stand up and protect her!?' Then he will cast them out to suffer as they made u suffer! Live your life in spite of them!! Be beautiful and joyous and free!!

I have a similar story. But not as bad. My mother tells me everyday that I'm too fat or lazy. Or if I try to tell her how I feel, she will tell me I'm a jerk or just get real upset at me and look with those "you should feel really guilty" eyes. My little sister is a problem too. She beats me up and says so many things. But when I fight back, I'm the one who gets in trouble. My mom is super involved in school lige and when I have below an A, she flips out. She blames my teacher for decrease and she blames herself for letting us watch tv diring the weak. But the only reason I can think of is all the stuff going on at home. This story gave me hope for when I finally get out of my horror house. Thank you so much.

"I am supposed honor my parents" is not for people who are NOT parents, and giving birth to a baby does not automatically grant someone parenting abilities. A woman ridiculing her own daughter for a nose that would not have happened if she were cared for properly, is NOT a mother. I have disowned my mother because of her own inability to take responsibility for the horrific things she has done and cannot apologize for. Forgiveness should only be granted to those who ask for it, and it doesn't sound as if your mother minds a bit.

My used to tell me that I was worthless and that it was better for her to not have kids. She humiliates me and my other siblings evey time she gets a chance. She slapped me once when we had a family vacation and told every one I was being a little *****.
I didn't get a hug or a kiss from her, not even one. When I try to defend myself I would get spanked and got locked in a room by myself. She won't let me out until I promise to not ever do that again.
Everyone got gifts when they turned 16, I got a black eye and a swollen knee. She humiliated infront of my friends and I fought back.
I just turned 23. I now have a stable job and a house away from her and I'm never coming back.

I hate my mum wish I could run away she horrible

My mum is like that too. My sister is the worst for it. Makes me want to rip their hair out but there's nout I can do. Don't get me wrong, you're in a worse situation as me. But I understand where you're coming from. Just the other day my sister said I was nasty and no wonder I have no friends. What she doesn't know is that every comment she makes breaks me a little inside. I have many friends - if not too many! But she doesn't know me at all so tries to point out my weaknesses, saying that you could play dot to dot on my forehead because I'm quite spotty. I'll never forgive her for what torture she's put me through and I hope you find enough strength to confront your family about it. My heart goes out to you, it really does. 😊

This is so sad to read. My mother is a bully too but maybe not quite as bad as these stories, although ita still made an emotional scar on me. Please check out www.daughtersofnarcissticmothers.com for some relief and eye opening, and support, and advice. It has really helped me feel like its not ME that isnt good enough, its my mother's own issues and pschology.

My moms emotionally bullying me and singles me out ans treats me like Cinderella. I go to sleep crying at night afraid if I'm going to wake up the next morning due to such stress and other household people and problems..what do I do...

Wow this completely sounds like me and my situation. Im a introverted, non confrontational person..why the bullying is all I wanna know..its like im talking to a screaming wall when I try and find out...can't handle this anymore.

I have a similar story with my mom and older sister. My mom wanted a boy and I don't believe she wanted me or even likes me. Children can feel this without being told. I also hope God isn't dissapointed in me for not liking her, but I can't stand being around her. My sister is constantly tries to keep my mom on her side and I don't know why, because I don't want her. Now that my mom is getting old and needs somewhere to live, suddently my sister is trying to get her to live with me but is interested in renting out her house. My sister is a major manipulator. The thought of living with my mother despresses me.

Hi there. I just wanted to say a few words because I want you to be able to move on with your life. I won't be saying I can relate to you, because the truth is... I haven't had similar experience in "family"... although I feel like telling you that I think you are a Good person, and because you by telling your story have refused to accept that behaviour. You know they are nothing like you. You may be by blood but you are not related in certain respects, and you will evolve above this eventually... whatever you chose to do and believe. You will learn and know that material possessions and money are a part of life but they are not the be all or end all and you will not be controlled by them or affected by their callous decision to make a cloudy attempt at stifling your happiness. You will make your own way in life and be stronger (than can be known) because of it. You do not have to love them, for you have probably already done all you could and so may decide. You may show them that you love yourself and your family and care not if they realize it. Take care of yourself now, and by allowing yourself the proper judgement of the company you keep... in whatsoever you may mean well, make sure to not give away the rest of yourself that can be kept for yourself. I trust you can make the steps to higher ground.

God also wants you to Love Yourself.
Continuing to subject yourself to your "mother" is Self-Abuse. So why continue to do it?
Tell her how you feel If she continues her abusive behavior - than why go back for more abuse?
If you choose to forgive her, it does not mean you must continue to allow her to mentally abuse you, and make you miserable.
God would not want that.

i hate bully mother and father

Forget honor, keep these people out of your life.

i'm the only kid in the family and my family means only me and my mom. yet we don't get along and she started hitting me when i was 7, she quit doing that about 4 years ago (I'm 22 by the way). and still we can't understand each other and she always keeps me away from my friends and the other family. it's kind of her thing, keeping me away from world outside and ruining my plans

You are a grown adult. No one can keep you from reaching out to family and friends.
You deserve to peruse these relationships.
It is hard to stand up for yourself when you have been beaten down, but you are your own person.
If you are still living at home, and she is paying the bills, you may have to live by (most of) her rules.
Keep your head held high, and pursue your independence in a positive way. Good Luck

oh dear I have been throught the same when I was 12 my mom made fun of me in front of my friends they start teasing me I feel so much hate for her deeply

First of all let me say that I feel for you. I also grew up and suffered in an abusive home. It's very difficult to change or even understand an abusers mindset. So all I can say is love the people around you who support you. And love God and love yourself. And when the Bible says honor thy mother and father. It means to honor them for giving you birth. You should forgive them but it does not mean that you have to have a relationship with them. Have no fear if you have Christ in your heart you'll be forgiven. Good luck and God bless.

SUCH A BAD MOTHER

Dear friend,
You are not alone. There are a million similar cases out there including mine. I have a peciuliar type of narcissist for a mother who is totally self absorbed, handles people with money and / or guilt because nobody can stay near her any other way. She also shows a clear prejudice in favor of my brother merely based on the fact that he is male and i am female. Although she always declared how beautiful i am and how much she loves me, her actions and comments suggested otherwise. I don't know which is worse having an openly and clearly hostile parent or having somebody that pretend that love you while in fact uses you, lies to you and undermines your every effort with desrespect behind your back. As for the love we feel for them dispite their mean attitude this is because we are good people. But we don't have to love them. Check the book of alice miller, phychoanalyst. Best regards. A friend from Greece.

I know what it feels like...
My mom tries to tutor me at math, but whenever she starts to do it, she gets pissed like INSTANTLY, even though I've only done the mistake once or twice. Today, she told me to "shut up" which is the worst she has said to me.
You may think it's nothing, but it really hurt my feelings.

Such a lot of pain on here. Suggest locating the book, "Toxic Parents" and read it cover to cover even if you think a chapter doesn't apply to you. Then explore EFT/Tapping, and Reiki healing. It took me years to address within myself the issues of my mother's abuse (which sometimes still crops up even though she's dead- the script is in my head), but Reiki took me further in two hours than I got in 10 years. EFT/Tapping is also very helpful, and then finding positivity (why you experience it, and what to do with it such as Abraham-Hicks), and knowing you can get beyond that is immensely powerful. Good luck everyone.

You have done your best. I believe that is all that is asked. The fact you did not hit the door and keep moving when you turned 18 says much about your desire to "honor" your parents. It is hard to forgive someone who is still hurting you.
That you don't go around and set people straight about the situation takes great maturity. Forgive yourself my dear. Move on.

Im not tryna **** anyone off or anything, but most of these stories I found on here, are just a bunch of girls over reacting about their mother taking crap away from them, and when they see sumthing "accidental" that their mother has done, they look at the past and remeber all the BAD things their mother has done to them. I think most of these people on here are just a bunch of cry babies and need to grow up, because i grew up without a mother... U guys just need to relax. And Like i said, not tryna **** anyone off, but it is true

i undersrand you say most and not all but whether you have a mother or not there are those who have genuinely terrible mothers- its like someone who says they dont have a husband/wife that those who do and complain about them are just whining needlessly- it is possibly true and hw statistically true from the submitted claims on this website- i dnt knw -it is true people use these excuses bcoz they are too coward to solve their simple problems- but we miss the reality for those who are genuine

I'm deeply sorry you don't have a mom but you have to understand, there's a difference between having a mother,mom, mommy etc. and having a women who gave birth to you, i'd rather live without a mom then live with the monster of a mom who tried numerous times to kill me by "accident."

I have a mother that I thought loved me until this year. I started to "grow up", wearing makeup, etc., and started to detach from her. She had always told me that she would love me no matter what I did, but now it's clear that was a lie. Lately I have stopped doing frequent chores and procrastinating some things she asks me to do. No big deal, all kids do that. But she then flips, not letting me do ANYTHING. She will never buy me anything (I have been wearing the same pair of shoes for over 5 months) claiming that I'm a total brat and I dont deserve it. Yet my brother does nothing to help out and he gets new clothes every month. According to her, I'm just too much of a monstorous brat to deserve anything. She calls me fat, telling me to get my big *** off the computer and clean the bathroom. I'm not popular at school, so she tells me that I have no friends because I'm so nasty.

She never lets anything go, never lets me forget anything I've done wrong. She always treats my brother so much better than me and it's really obvious. Her actions have cause my Social Anxiety to get really bad, I literally can't even be around my Aunts or Uncles without being nervous that I'll do something wrong.

The worst part is, I've told her that I'm depressed, I've confronted her about everything. She just makes it into a big joke, laughing whenever I saw anything, being sarcastic at whatever I say. She hits me if I "**** her off" and broke the keyboard to my laptop when she found out I got on her computer. After my keys flew off, she said "Oops." She's seen the cuts on my wrists, seen me cry. She hasnt done a thing about it.

I just started "running away", just walking with no real destination. I left at 6 pm and didnt get home until 8:20. She was on the couch watching tv.

I honestly want to die, I have nobody at home or at school. Anywhere i go I'm tormented and teased. I always felt like I was the only one going through this. But now I know I'm not.

Your "mother" is an abusive, psychopathic *****. She loved you when you were her prepubescent pet, but now that you are have interests and priorities that have nothing to do with her, her narcissistic *** can't handle it. Most likely, she's jealous that you are turning into a young, beautiful girl that she knows she will never be again. That ****** her off. That's why she doesn't hate your brother like she does you. Also, she most likely (tell me if I'm wrong) turns the rest of your so-called family against you too? The way you say that you are anxious about being around your aunts and uncles make me think that ~she~ (your ***** "mother") is afraid of what ~her~ relatives/family might think about her? ~she~ is probably as insecure as she constantly seeks to make you. About the physical abuse--go to the police/authorities. If it has actually happened, reporting it can only mean things getting better for your. Of course the coward that is your "mother" would want to hide this, say such things as "what happens in this house stays in this house" (as did the **** that called herself my mother, who can rot in her own **** in a 3rd rate nursing home as far as I'm concerned). Long story short, you have no mother, and quite frankly, you have no family--(had you, they would have defended you against this ****.) The best you can do is cut your losses, understand that this "person" how crapped you out is dead to you, and live your live to the fullest. Know that doing so, you will be so much happier that this ***** ever will or ever has been.

i dont know whats wrong with her she messes with my emotions way too much. One minute shes nasty the next shes nice.....but really i think she does it because her parents would whip her and her siblings with a belt if they did something wrong, but that was back in like 1960. And its really too hard to accept the fact that I will never have real parents, I just can't deal with it. I will never have the mother giving me useful advice, the dad that calls me his princess and would do anything for me. And I even wish I had a normal brother, he is basically mute when mom's not around because 99% of what he says is chiming in to her beating me down. Yes, I have realized she only wanted a puppet and never really loved me. And thank you for replying, it seriously means alot.

omg i cant believe a mom would do that stay strong you are great but the hard part is making sure you and your kids dont become anything like her

I myself have a bullying mother. When I was born, she "knew something was wrong with me". She never truly embraced me as her own daughter or my sister (I am a twin). For most of my life, she has embarrassed me countless times in front of her guests; tormented me with cruel comments; purposefully lied to me and my sister in attempts to turn us against my own father (and him against me and my sister); and so many other things that I can't think of right now! One time when I was 16 or 17, she told me I would make a horrible house wife because I was not interested in learning how to cook and was not a fan of cleaning. Yes mom, I aspire to be a house wife when I am living on my own anyways (not!).
I am 22 years of age. Unfortunately, I was undecided about what I wanted to do career wise which set me back a couple of years with regards to graduating from college, getting a decent-paying job, and getting the heck out of my house for good. When I am able to (which will be ASAP), I will move out and will have minimal contact with her. I will contact my father on a regular basis (whom I have a very positive relationship with) but she will have minimal contact with me until she learns to treat me as the wonderful person I am.
I agree we should respect our parents as they did raise us, give us food, etc. but we do NOT owe them our lives nor should we have to put up with bullying B/S (they did afterall CHOOSE to have us, or keep us [if conception occurred as a result of an accident lol]). It is one thing for parents to set rules and expectations upon us in the form of chores, curfews, and setting REASONABLE limits on what is and isn't "allowed". Perhaps some "nagging" or "teasing" in a playful manner should be expected too as long as it does not hurt or drain you. It is entirely something different if parents (in this case, a bullying mother) demand things from you, bully you, harass you again and again about things, deliberately embarrass you in front of others, put you down, etc.
I have tried telling some friends about my mother's behavior and all some think of is "she is your mother, it is expected of her to behave this way" and some have even said I am some kind of free-loading spoiled brat who gives her parents crap. What, since when is me being upset about my mother's bullying ways and not putting up with it being a free-loading spoiled brat?!
At the end of the day, I don't think me trying to talk to her about it will do me any good, as she is also very prideful and is certainly not at the point in her life where she wants to change. I could talk to her and "get it off my chest/shoulders" yet having the discussion with her will be very emotionally and mentally draining for me and I know this with a lot of certainty.
My advice for everyone who reads this? If you want to talk to your mother about her behavior and believe it will help, do so. If you don't believe it will help at all, do your best to either ignore her atrocious behavior and/or find a way to get the heck out ASAP. For short-term purposes, try to have as many social connections outside of the house as you can; this can be a challenge if you are shy and/or an introvert such as myself but it can be done, trust me!

My mother plain hates me. She tries to convince all the members of my family to hate and loath me. She is so mean and evil sometimes I fear my own thoughts... I know she had a rough childhood and that my grandfather was abusive, cruel and machista towards her for being a woman and the first child, but it doesn´t mean she can bully me all the time just because she hates her own father. Right know I don't want to kown anything about her, I try to ignore her because when she talks she always belittles me by comparing me to other "successful" people I don´t even know or heard about and that´s her most used bullying strategy. I hope she someday would change a little, until then I'm living a nightmare. Thank God I have a girlfriend that loves me. I really need to be SINCERELY LOVE without it what is life reduced to MONEY, SEX, TV, OPRAH, BEYONCE... life would be worthless.

I could not agree with you more when you say "I know she had a rough childhood and that my grandfather was abusive, cruel... but it doesn't mean she can bully me all the time..." My mother is a very insecure woman who wasn't that well-loved (or rather, was given much affection as a child and is the youngest of 10) growing up. I find it outrageous when people believe we should have to put up with parents' bullying ways because they put a roof over our heads, clothes on our backs, shoes on our feet, food in our stomachs, etc.; they did after all choose to have us (we did NOT choose to be born). We are not meant to be born as punching bags or as slaves to our parents. We are meant to be born as their precious children and meant to be raised as loving, giving adults who do something to help the world one way or another.

It is one thing to have chores, rules, etc. set upon us while we are living with our parents. Does this mean we should have to put up with taunting, bullying b/s? No! I am glad that your girlfriend cares about you. I can certainly say being in a loving relationship greatly helps when life at home is a living nightmare as you put it.

I believe people like us who see through our bullying parents' ways (in this case, bullying mother in accordance with the story's topic) and rise above it will be better off in the end, so long as we don't turn out like them! As long as we rise above this, we will be successful in whatever endeavors we are on.

I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, especially in the rough times in dealing with your abusive mother.

Blessed be,
Sapphyreopal5

My mom bullies me too. She wasn't always like that -- I was so close to her when I was young. But she has something negative to say everytime she sees me, I'm not joking. On the computer? I need to go for a run. Going for a run? I'm crazy for running on the road. I'm only a teenager and she still reduces me to tears and blames me for my own depression. My brother does nothing about it, and he's just as lazy as me, but is my mom's favorite because he has a 99 average in school and doesn't have a social life like I do. I can't stand her. When she forces me to stay home on weekends I hide in my room and do my best to defend myself from her words, but it's not enough at times. I pretty much live in my room and in my own thoughts and I can't wait until I can leave.

i have a bullying family,can u imagine that i had to deal with 5 people.They used to bully me whenever they see me.Always making fun of me,everything my looks,my marks ,my friends everything which connects to me.My sister used to spy me and used to ask me things by becomming nice and then used to disclose my secrets or anything to my mom.My father is always do what my mom says and alwaays defend her.my brothers they are the monsters who makes happy when i cry.Now i am married living in another city,but now away from their clutches.Now i knew that there are a number of people who have lived or living such nightmares which i lived..God has blessed me very happiness.I struggled in my life.i only thought of one thing to study and work hard.That's the only way to get out of their control.My mom still belittles me,my sister still teach me that ur hubby is not good with u,he wil leave u etc etc..(So that i end up in divorce and come back to their home like a looser.No i will make my own decisions and will not listen to them who never think good of me)So make urself strong,work hard ,win over ur fears .U must have somethnig which ur brother dont have,maay be u can sing better,may be u can play instruments anytnig.Excel urself in what u think u have.These narcisstic moms get jealous when their daughters become independent.Dont end up urself n wrong people.People putside of ur home who will only pray u for their satisfaction and then leave u in ur misery..Outside of ur home there are mnay evil vultures who pray such people who are broken,depressed and finding an emotional support..Focus on urself and ur strengths.Stop wasting time in confronting her and crying.Now i dont need my family.I am strong and happy than ever.

Family bullying is the worst especially when they get a sick gratification from hurting you. KNOW this for life: when anyone is that critical of you, they are projecting their own self loathing onto you. It is a sickness you DO NOT have to fix...good that you see it so early and that you are shielding yourself from those evil words. Know those words uttered are more if what she thinks of HERSELF than you.

That's so cruel.My mom is so mean to me.When I'm upset and trying to get over something she'll keep biting and bringing it back up.She lives on my brother more than me.She torchures me.When I'm sad and need a moment she pushes me and yells at me to go into the school.She'll roll her eyes at me when I want a hug or kiss.My mom has taken her anger out on me and she'll get nasty at me and make fun of me because I'm sensitive.Sometimes I try to defend myself and she'll scream at me.I made her breakfast once.She only took a bite before telling me to go throw it out.She'll taunt me and rudely imitate me when I'm crying.I am crying as I type.

This ***** is jealous of you potential. She's is jealous of the beautiful woman that you are becoming, that she will never be again. But she does not know that she is the worst, most loathsome, most miserable creature--the woman who has a daughter who hates her, (because she has deserved that hate). For every insult ~she~ hurls toward you, it is her insecurities. For every cruel thing ~she~ says, know that it is because she hates herself. For every time ~she~ tries to cripple you by telling you of your failings, know that ~her~ greatest failing has been as a mother, and that the best thing you can/will do is to get, emotionally/physically away from this *****. Good luck. You have your whole life ahead of you.

My mother used to do the same like throwing of the meal which i cooked.U know she throw my shawl which i bought for her from my Ist salary and then slap me on my face this is what cheap thing u bought for me.She haates me because i confront her.I used to ttell her that whateveru r doing is wrong.U never hugged me,never kissed me and then she says that because I hate u.I only ask her for love but there was no love for me.For 25 years i waited her to be changed,treat me like she treats other children.But no she never changed.never.So i changed and tell myself that dont cry and make ur own way out of this mess.But outside my home i found people self centered,selfish who needs money,girl,fame but not friend.So I decided to study much harder than before.And now i am away from them .married,happy and living a peaceful life without any sarcasm and bullying (which used to be the part of my everyday life).Good luck..use ur brain,patient and think of urself .

There are two things that happen when one grows up with terrible parents. One, you yourself become a terrible parent, or two you completely change the flow of things and love your child unconditionally. I think everyone here who has been hurt on such a deep emotional level will have a healthy, supportive and beautiful relationship with their own children. God Bless.