Self-centered Mom

I live in the east coast. My mom lives on the west coast.
My father is currently ill and is in a medical nursing home in los angeles (he's been hospitalized for the past 18 months).

She calls me on my cell phone today multiple times today when I was asleep. I've been down with the flu, as well as having an iron rod fall down to my head last week during work, so I was so tired that i passed out when I came home.

Apparently she tried to call me 5 times, but I was asleep.
Then,she calls my husband's cell phone. He thought it was an emergency, so he shook me awake and handed me the phone.

When I answered, she yells "why are you picking up HIS phone and not Yours!?"
so i tell her I was asleep, what's the emergency about?
She ignores me, and yells at me again, how I wasn't picking up my cell phone, and how she just emailed me now and I wasn't replying to that as well.
I tell her again, that I've been sick, I was sleeping.

Then she flips out again, and saids that i've been ignoring her. When i explain to her again, she replies "fine. go back to sleep. But don't think you can see your dad again" and cuts the phone on me.

i've called her back. Nothing.

btw, i've gone back and forth from here to los angeles at least 5 times in the last 18 months, sometimes just for 3 days because she wants me to "run errands" and she'll disown me if I don't go and never let me see my father again. When I told her last time I couldn't go back (she wanted me to sign her house rental agreement since she didn't want to be responsible for the rent) on such short notice (1 week) since I had work, she told me to just quit work or that she'll come to the east coast for 1 day, make me sign her rental agreement, and then I would never see her or my dad again.

I have a family to support here as well. Every time my mom freaks out, I have to leave my husband/family to go take care of her duties. And when things don't go the way she wants/plans--its' my fault. Doctor's not good? My fault. Because I didn't search for a better doctor in the area. Bad nurse? My fault. Because i should complain to the head nurse how this nurse is bad (because s/he's not on my dad 24-7).

It's been like this since I was a kid. She's fat? my fault since she gave birth to me (she's a size 4 btw). She's been abusive since I was a child. I couldn't remember all my times tables at 1st grade (yes, First grade of elementary school) so I was stupid. She would make me stand in a corner of the house, and have me recite each row of the times tables. If I got it wrong--whack with a stick. If I couldn't finish that row? I was thrown out of the house to the back yard from 8pm to 12am. i had till the next day to rememorize that row, rinse and repeat if i didn't.

She would always say to me that I was stupider than all the other kids, so I had to work 10 times harder. When I got strait A's in school, she would say that it wasn't an "A+" (despite the fact that our school didn't give out A+'s). If it went down even a bit the next report card/semester (even from A to A-), i would get whacked with the stick again (usually hands or buttocks).

I would only be able to go out with children of her friends. All my friends from school were "bad because they aren't asian" or I wasn't worthy of being with them. When our high school went on a science field trip, she wanted the driver's license number and car license number of every person driving, their names and phone numbers. She's a control freak as well sadly

She would get mad at the stupidest things ("because I asked her a question") and unless she got her stuff done first, I wasn't allowed to even question the validity of it. it's do everything for her first, then the rest comes....

I don't ever recall hugging my mom, or getting a kiss from her. She calls me stupid more than my name.

I despise her, but at the same time she's my mom. I don't know if it's right to ignore her as well.

There's so much that I despise about her. Yet she's my mom too so I don't know if I should just ignore her.

Every time she starts her yelling on the phone, I feel like I want to hang myself. Every time this happens, my husband and I get into a fight as well. She keeps on telling me that I'm too stupid to have such a good husband.

It's sad that it's so ingrained in me all the negative stuff that she's been repeating to me for the past 30 years of my life.
kakyou kakyou
31-35, F
4 Responses May 11, 2011

OMG my moms like that when i was a kid she would open the mail make a mess on the floor then make me clean the mess.Right after she tells me to clean up all my things ONLY MY THINGS. GOSH I HATE HER and when i was sick and i was on the laying down,the phone rings she doesn't evan look at it evan though i felt like throwing up she makes me pick it up(im like 20-25 feet away) so i had to do that :'( .

Your mom isn't worth it. <br />
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She's not worth you getting upset, or frustrated. She is not worth your attention, or your worry. She is not even worthy of being called your mom. When I started reading this, I had a hunch that she was another one of those psychologically stunted Asian moms who are whiny and bitchy because they're getting closer to being buried in the Earth and they know that nobody would willingly want to be at their funeral except for her children and it's only because she's bullied them all her life into obeying her. <br />
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Seriously, I can tell that you've done so much for your mom, and she is just an ungrateful, bitter old woman who is desperate for company but she doesn't know that she is driving you away. <br />
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The sad part is that a lot of Asian kids don't know how to stand up to their parents because they've been conditioned from childhood to take in the abuse and call it "love". It's sickening. Asian moms think that just because they've managed to live through childbirth they deserve a little reward and that reward is a little slave for the rest of their lives. I'm not trying to be racist, but if you compare an average Caucasian mother to an average Asian mother, you'd find the Caucasian mom much more friendly or at the least more tolerant of their child's mistakes. <br />
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Your mom is selfish and manipulative in the most petty way. She basically dangles your ill father over your head like a carrot, and she doesn't even give any consideration to how her husband might feel about never seeing his daughter again before he dies. She is ob<x>jectifying both you and your dad. She sounds like she thinks you owe her your life or something. <br />
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I think you should tell her how she is acting like a spoiled two year old with how she treats you and your dad. She is taking your and him for granted by treating you like you're a servant than a daughter and him like a carrot at the end of the stick. Tell her that just because she is your mom, and she brought you into this world, does not mean that she has the right to make you her indentured slave, and what's more is that she has NO RIGHT to butt into your life with your husband. Just because her husband is sick and her life is miserable does not mean you have to suffer the same. Tell her that like it or not, you are now an independent individual, and as such, you have the right to pay more attention to your own family than to her. <br />
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If she doesn't like it, she can keep her husband with her, and she can find someone else you do all the tasks that she makes you do for her. You may be her daughter, but you are not obligated to do everything she tells you to do, ESPECIALLY if 1) she can't appreciate your efforts and 2) she keeps thinking that she is the Queen and that the world revolves around her.

Wow, I really feel bad for you!!!<br />
I just can't imagine!!!<br />
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My life wasn't perfect, but my Mom was supportive, and proud of me.<br />
(I'm not trying to be hurtful....I'm just saying this because I can't wrap my head around what you are going through!<br />
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Your Mom sounds very selfish. <br />
I wish I had advice for you.<br />
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My sister has treated me like this, at times.<br />
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I would feel like hanging myself too, with all the negativity, but please don't!<br />
Sounds like you have a nice husband that loves you!

My mom is sometimes Crazy too! I am south asian! 25 and getting married in 2 weeks! My mother says the same things. Your mom seems to be very weak and helpless emotionally. Her life was probably not how she wanted to live and most likely wanted different things and didnt get them. My mother too says I am stupid! She is not nice. But remember shes going to leave the world soon and learn from her mistakes and bitterness and make a difference in your children's lives!