My Abusive Mother And How I Ended Up Hating Her

well i came to the united states when i was 7, as i was not an english speaker i struggled through school, when i came home with bad grades my mom beat me up so badly i had to miss a week of school just so that my classmates would not noticed my injuries. I have 2 younger sisters and 1 older sister. me and my older sister though were always the ones getting the beatings. I can recall one time when i was young i had to do a since project and i was having trouble doing it. my mom came into my room and beat me up with a ruler until the ruler broke. i could not breathe and she was asking me something and i could not speak, i tried but the words would not come out. i can't mention one happy time of my childhood, i remember even seeing my mother breaking the bathroom window and asking me for a hammer so that she could hit my father. my parents divorced when i was 13. i tried thinking of 5 reasons to thanks my mother in life just 5 things that am thankful i can't mention one. i cant even thanks her for giving birth to me because she put me in a life of hell which i had rather not lived.

my mother always blamed us (her children) for ruining her life cause she had my sister at 17, in fact she ruined her own life, her mother (my grandma) always tried to lead her the right path and never laid a hand on her.

now am 19 years old all i see is hate, i have not talked to my mom in years. last time i talked to her she tried to hit me but before she got the chance i grabbed her arm and i told her "someone is about to get really hurt and it's not me.

i am 19 and i have hate only toward mankind. when my parent's split and i left to live with my dad, my sisters stayed with my mom. when i moved with my dad i realized there's a better world out there and now i can't settle for good enough i need perfection it's the only thing that will take me to peace.

i learned long time there is no god, all the times i prayed for god to save me from that crazy *****, and never got a reply, all the times i asked him to save me or to kill me already, the only thing that saved me from my mother where my decisions, i guess i am god.