I hate my mom so much. All she does is drink her alcohol. She doesnt care about me as long as she has her stupid money and alcohol. She has made me feel like she doesnt give a damn about me for so long now that I have thought that my only way out of here is to kill myself. She has neglected me all my life and has never cared about me. It's gotten to the point where I'm so depressed, the sad part is that no one knows. You know today is my birthday and she has only had about 3 conversations with me the entire day. I got home from school, she gave me a birthday present, said happy birthday and just left. I went to my room and she made dinner, for her. She didnt even ask me if I wanted anything. We cant even have a simple dinner together on my birthday! It seems that I can never be happy. I would rather be at school than come home. When I'm at school I actually feel safe and I'm somewhat happy. But when I get home I get all sad for no reason. I just want to be happy. I'd rather be any where but at home. I dont even feel safe here. She always leaves me here all alone, I hate it. I cant help but think all the time that I should kill myself. I need help, but I know that even if I tell her she just wont care. Then she'll go off and drink herself to sleep. I really do hate her and I cant wait until I move out.
Becca Becca
18-21, F
17 Responses Mar 26, 2007

Sorry to hear that. I have never felt happy at home either. I hate how home is suppose to be a haven but mothers don't try to make sure of it.

don't judge your mother,she needs help.don't kill yourself,this will come to an end but you have to tell someone..maybe your teacher,try with that,i'm sure he/she will help you.i'm not an expert,but i know it's always better when you tell somebody about your problem.

I know how depressing it can be when the one person who is supposed to be there for you the most, your mother, is as selfish and cold as they come. I am angry at my mom everyday that we will never have that mother-daughter relationship that I have yearned for my whole life and I am 26 years old. DONT give up on the rest of your life because someone else is wasting theirs, even if that person is your mom. This is just a part of the life you were dealt but it doesn't have to be all of it.

get help from CPS I did and now i am in a good home with a good family who i can actually call my parents i can call them mom and dad because they are more of a mom and dad then my parents were before

No stop, no person is worth you taking your own life for! I hate my mom too! My solution is to be totally honest with her. Get your feelings out and don't fail because of your guilt. If she still does not see you as her daughter, a person she should love unconditionally. To bad for her, turn you anger in to the love that you want from her to the love you can give to others, your partner, your children. Stop the cycle now! Love, Peace

stay srtong girlie. dont commit suicide. my brother did.<br />
i dont want you to end up like him.

hey, dont even think of taking away your own life. no matter what position you stand in, you have so many oppurtunities ahead of you! the thought that keeps me going is that one day, I will have my own house, my own loving family that I can depend and rely on. One day, that will happen. Our goal for now is to keep living. Hold on!

well first of all happy birthday!..and dont kill your self the thought runs through my mind sometimes but it realy wouldnt get you anywhere and what about your father? you should tell us about him to,and at least your not lonely i mean you have friends.besides it wont be to much longer till you can move out things will get better.

Happy Birthday well even if it is too late :).ok anyways a suicide is never the answer NEVER!.<br />
first of all maybe you should bring up a conversation instead of waiting for her<br />
to talk to you,second hang out with your friends dont be lonely at home its not good for you health<br />
although im not the one to talk i live in a geusthouse with practicly no one around except<br />
the owner my mom owners wife(they are divorced she can be here about one month more)and<br />
two cats! and two hamsters!.i dont really feel all that lonely thou i read other ppls stories<br />
and entertain myself by watching animes and drawing.You can entertain yourself the same way<br />
by doing the things you like without interruption if your mom doesnt talk to you,i mean my mom<br />
tells me to do a lot of stuff,wash her car mop the floors and a lot of other stuff and i just wish that she would leave me alone once in a while!.and i really do hope this helps!.<br />
And btw if you die you are mistaken that your mom wont care<br />
believe me you wont only destroy your life but you will mentaly<br />
destroy your mothers to soo think about everyone who loves you if you would commit suicide then everyone you love will be sad and there will be concequences to face as your mom<br />
might go crazy.

i am thinkin about suicide 2<br />
but she just told me go 2 hell<br />
i mean.. really... if i die it wouldnt bother her a little <br />
i really hate her and my dad got divorced with her since i was 4, he doesn't live in the same country we do.<br />
so he can't help. but i cannt take it anymore. i think i will find a good way to die.

I know right? My mom never takes the time to lisen and she always thinks that shes right. Just a hour ago I was talking to her about high school when she had the nerve to say "I would never amount to anything" just because I wasn't going all crazy with the paperwork I have for high school, but that's just a little thing. She never helps with anything at all, she even hits me sometimes for getting angry at her when she says something completly rude.

Life isn't worth giving up on. I had a bad mom too and I know how it can make you feel hopeless, worthless among a number of feelings. My mom was a horrible mom she beat me and sold me and when ever she gets wind of where I am at she calls people with wild and crazy stories about that aren't true. I still want her love and have finally realized about 3 weeks ago I will never get it. She has drink bad for the past 20 years drinking nearly two 20 packs a day. It has had to have some kind of affect on her brain. I cut all ties to all of my family as bad as it hurts and still does and moved over 800 miles away. I have worked hard to put myself through college, so my family can have a better life. The thing that will hurt them the most is to know that you succeeded in life. Don't give up.

Hi Becca,<br />
<br />
I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It reminds me a lot of how I felt 6 months ago when I went to the ER because I was going to commit suicide if I didn't. But I can't claim to know what you're going through exactly. Do you have anyone to talk to that you can be honest with? (another relative, a friend, a school counsellor?). Having a good friend around 6 months ago saved my life - I could just go over there and stay over when I needed space and he wouldn't ask any questions or make me talk about things I didn't want to.<br />
<br />
Hang in there - you might not believe it now but it does get better. Taking the step of sharing your experiences here shows tremendous courage.

i have had to do every thing my self since i was 7 im 13 now and my mother has tryed to kill me she threw my up on a wall and strangled me i had to hit her repeatedly to get her off

Good day, i am an adult child of an alcoholic, and it sucks. I am alot older then you 62.I would like to encourage you to find a good support group for young people such as alanon. Children of alcoholics grow up being codependent, with no healthy boundaries. people pleasers. I attend a group for adult children of alcoholics. I have battled major depression all of my life, been to many counselors, and i ended up being hospitalised in Dec 05 2 days after Christmas for clinical depression. Not fun, severe anxiety not sleeping not eating. Since then i have been on antidepressants and sleeping pills,very involved with support groups, very helpful. I do understand why you think you hate your mother, been there. My mother died in 1985age 64. lung cancer and cirrosis of the liver,i miss her. i wish i could have been honest with her about how her drinking hurt our family. I did not have the proper tools to do that am learning every day.You feel like you hate your mom, the truth is you love her you hate her drinking I hope you seek help to deal with your anger.Depression is anger turned inward.Hope you will think it over and do the right thing thank you for listening .

I'm the same way. I used to attend ACOA group meetings when I was in the military. My father was the alcoholic but both of my parents were abusive towards me. I could never do anything right by them. Now I am a basket case afraid of everything I can't talk to people, particurly women I'm afraid of getting hurt again.

i know it is, i hate my mom too and so does my other siblings. she manages to make everyone in her life miserable. i cant tell u that it will get better cuz it hasnt for me, im 22 and after 3 yrs of living on my own had to move back with my mom. i was practically living on the streets bcuz i never wanted to live with her again, she hasnt changed at all. she still screams and obesses about the lil things, shes kinda dumb and ignaorant so talking to her is like talking to a wall. shes as cold as ice and we cant wait untill shes taking out of her misery. my mother didnt even say happy birthday to me because she was too depress about how she couldnt get a new car. the lil bit of joy i posses gets wiped away when shes around. if u ever need someone to vent to about crappy mom i'll ber here for u, hold on and be strong

Happy Birthday sweetheart, my heart aches for you. They say the relationship you have with ur parents and espeacially the one u have wiht ur mom is the most "truest" relationship you will ever have. But I guess in ur case it be to the contrary. Sweetheart please dont try to commit suicide, you have ur entire life ahead of u. And remember evn though U cant control what ur mom does or doesnt do, the only thing u can control is the thoughts in ur head and ur self. Just remember that life will get better for u, just hang on now, we (humans) tend to give up or lose hope too easily, beacuse we want instantaneous satisfaction and results. But remember Good things happen to those who wait. Sigh. I wish I could give u a hug, and I hope I dont sound too patronising or hypocritical. But sweetheart do try to cherish the time u have left with ur mom, because u nvr know when our time will end and I dont want anyone to live with regret. take care and stay strong.