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I Can't Take Much More

My mother has extreme bipolar but refuses to admit it. Everyone sees it but her. I don't know how or why someone hasn't sent her to a hospital yet. I'm the one she always takes her moods out on. My sister is her angel as she often tells me and I'm just "diablo". Things will be going fine than literally nothing will make her snap and all hell breaks loose. The names she calls me are names no mother should ever call their own child. It's because of her I struggle with major depression and anxiety. I've tried to kill myself twice because of her. She laughs about these things and calls me a "trashy sociopath." I really don't know what to do, I don't know how much longer of this I can take. Moving out is not an option because I am currently unemployed do I have to wait till I find a new job, and she refuses to go to therapy.
Ohhaiikatie Ohhaiikatie 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 8, 2012

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wow, I know how you feel my mother is the same exact way, im actually surprised about how similar your situation is to mine, I think my mother is bipolar too, one minute me and her could be playing around and the next shes cursing me out calling me all kinds of ridiculous names some names im even surprised anyone would ever say to someone else then when you tell her how shes acting or put her on the spot about it, it just makes things worse, I dont know why she is that way or how any parent can talk to someone that way but I just have to live with it until I get out her house but sometimes its so unbearable that I do think about killing myself and i think about ways to kill her.

Oh, Darling! I got extremely choked up reading your experience because I thought I was the only one. My mother has Bipolar as well (she is diagnosed), she is on medication but drinks very heavily. She has abused and done these same things to me as your mother has to you. Nobody should have to experience such hatefulness from their own mother, the one person that should love them unconditionally. I have had suicidal thoughts as well, but there are so many things to live for. I know it isn't that easy, of course it's hard, but don't allow her insanity to overpower you. We are individuals, our own women leading our own lives. Please live yours! I wish we could start a group for girls/young women who have to deal with these things. Because helping others is all I want to do. I am so sorry that you are in this situation, but please know you are not alone. This is the email I use for junk (I don't want to post my real one on here.): Ashleyfaith19@gmail.com ...Email me if you would like to talk more about this. I am a good listener.

I completely understand what you are going through. My mom is the same way. She treats me terribly but my sister is the golden child because she's exactly like her. I understand that it can be very painful at times, but please don't kill yourself (or try to) because of it. If you do, you're letting her win. But if you don't kill yourself, go on to get a good job and get out of the house and make a whole new life for yourself, you have the opporunity to completely reinvent yourself and you can completely forget about her. You'll never even have to speak to her again if you don't want to. Just remember that there is always a better option than to kill yourself. It might take a little time, but it will be well worth it.

Thank you so much