I Hateeeee My Mother

My mother is the most cruel, manipulative, jealous, childish, immoral, vindictive, sadistic, hateful, lying person I know and I hate her. I hate her so much that I know I wont get closure until shes 6 ft under the ground. My relationship with my mother can be described as Joan Crawford and her daughter Christina in the movie mommy dearest minus the alcohol and substance abuse. Shes so mean to me and I dont know why. She favors my older brother more than me and not only did my brother acknowledge that fact but so did our father and both sides of my parents family. She's always wanted to see me fail and has never supported me or shown me a glimmer of love and at 28 years old I dont want it anymore. Asking her for help isnt good enough, she would expect me to beg and still wouldn't do it. An I dont mean help as in buying me anything I mean help as in my car broke down, im stranded at work can you drive 10 minuites from where your at and give me a lift to the bus station so that I can get home safely. An even in that scenario she didnt do it and would rather watch "hordors" than help me out while im stranded 11pm at night. I hate her so much I cry because im so angry with the control she has over me. She's had such a hold over me that its hard for me to trust anyone and function with others in the real world. I cant keep lasting friendships because im constantly reminded of her telling me never to trust anyone and that no one in this world loves me. Jobs because shes always told me to never take crap from my supervisor and if that means cutting off all communication than do so. My relationships "ha" non existant because of the body image issues she gave to me by telling me if I try out for any sport Id be a laughing stock because I wouldnt fit into a cheerleading or softball uniform so I shouldnt try out because it would be a waste of time... and thats just the half of it. She's mentally and physically abused me my whole life. I was in and out of foster care because my school counselors got involved. Even at the age of 28 her comments are even more visceral, shallow and downright disgusting and mean. She gets joy from seeing me sad or in pain. I know that my life would have been so different if I had different parents but there's nothing I can do about that. I just have to find a way to get her out of my life permanently and try and start over again. So I think changing my number and possibly my location (perhaps moving out of state will help) will bring much happiness to my life. As it stands right now I plan on starting therapy to find out why she's treated me so poorly but mostly how to shake the mental abuse she's caused me for the past 28 years. I hate her, I hate her so ******* much. I hope when she dies, and when she dies I hope its a miserable slow painful death and in those moments I hope she gets to experience an ounce of the pain she's caused me. I want her crying and staring at a bed pan she cant even **** in because shes in so much pain. I hate her!
UsedNBroken UsedNBroken
Sep 5, 2012