More Than Words Can Say

I never had a problem with my mother until I started getting older and I started seeing her for who she really was. By the time I was 15 we were constantly at each others throat. She lost my respect when she told me it was my fault that I let some random man in this world put his hands on me and molest me. And did the same thing again when I was 17. She blames me for her f*cked up life because I got sick. She made me feel as if no one loved me and I was just born to be hated by everyone. That messed me up completely. She said I was the reason she was doing drugs, when she was doing drugs since she was a teenager. She wished I was dead and she wanted to die herself because she was tired of me. According to her, I was a mistake she tried to get rid of but my great grandmother talked her out of it. We constantly bang heads because she forgets how old she really is. She shouldnt even be a mother to begin with. She said she never wanted to even be one in the first place. I was a constant failure and headache to her. Honestly the only thing I ever did that might just **** people off is I stopped taking medication that I needed and I ended making myself more sick. And when I couldnt deal with it I turned to another alternative. Either than that I never gave her any reason to hate me but shes given me a life time of reasons of why I should hate her. Now I moved out from under her emotional death grip and she says the next time she sees me, she is going to be wearing a black dress. So motherly and caring.
poeticdiva poeticdiva
26-30, F
4 Responses Sep 27, 2012

Thats very messed up.i cant understand why a mother of all people would treat their child that way.

Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you were abused in the first place, and then did not have support. You see things for what they are. That is a gift. Some don't have that ability. She is very sick. You are a gift. Keep on keepin on. Thanks again for sharing your story. You will help many along your path.

I read your story and my heart breaks for you. I am glad this forum is here to help us vent and realize that others have experienced some of our same hurts and challenges. Knowing you're not alone is a major step in finding peace. I too experienced some of those damaging statements from my mother. The one person who had an innate responsibility to love us without conditions somehow became the antithesis of that. For that I feel your pain. I am so happy that you've moved on from your mother and know that you are doing nothing wrong. Your priority now is to take care of yourself. In adulthood we have choices of who we have in our lives, choose wisely. You owe your mother nothing. Take care of yourself. Be well...

Your mother sounds cruel and irresponsible and has made you the scapegoat for her own problems. You've done the right thing moving out and being independent. In a previous post I mentioned you should "define the problem" so we could understand your feelings. You have certainly done that here. Unplanned pregnancies often ruin the lives of the innocent child being born. This is, without doubt, a terrible form of child abuse and neither the Pro-Life or Pro-Choice groups are addressing this problem. I hope your message reaches many and I hope they will read all your essays, you have an important message for the world.