My Mother Calls Me A Mistake

My mother beat me as a young child and now she's emotionally hitting me. When I was 14 I came out to her and told her I was lesbian, she was fine with that. About the time around my 15th birthday, she forgot me entirely, she said I'm not her daughter, she refuses to look at me most of the time. She forgot about my 15th and 16th birthdays, even Christmas. She said she wishes I was never born and that I am a burden. She said that because of ME she cant follow her dreams. I tried confronting her and telling her how much it hurts, I showed her how much I've cut myself because of what i said. She found a suicide note I wrote the night I tried to kill myself, she didn't care. This isn't a cry for help... She's just been ruining my life.. I went and told other people close to me, they didn't know what to do because they know what my mother is capable of. I hate my mother
Ahlmann Ahlmann
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 12, 2012

Okay, you have to listen to me right now. Suicide. Won't. Help. Try to endure the time you have left before you move out by avoiding your mother as much as possible and try not to let what she says get to you. She can't follow her dreams because of you? Well, isn't that too bad. She PUSHED to give birth to you, it's not like you dug your way to her vagina. I'm serious, it's like buying a puppy and then punishing it because it lives in your house; it just doesn't make sense, since it was her choice to keep you! I'm not saying in any way that she should have had an abortion, but since it is an OPTION, she can't blame you for CHOOSING to keep you. And if she doesn't care about you - so what? Tons of people will love you in your life, and your mother does not have to be one of them. I know it hurts that the one person that is biologically programmed to love you doesn't, but you really don't need her love to survive, lots of people are doing just fine without their families.
If you think you can't tough it out for a couple more years until you can live on your own, find another relative or friend to live with - hell, even try living on the streets before you decide to kill yourself. Just remember that your one personal goal in life should be to be happy. To accomplish that you have to have around you people that make you happy and if your mother isn't one of them then she is the one that is missing out on something, not you. Even though it's a parent's duty to love their child unconditionally, for the child itself that only lasts for the first years of its life. If after that the parent can't keep the love of their child, then that is their own failure as parents and nothing more.
I know all this sounds a little jammed together, but I am really really sleepy and I can barely make sense of my thoughts, let alone what I'm typing. In any case, I hope I got my point across, and I hope I helped as much as you can be helped by a random person on the internet. Best of luck to you, and remember that even though a perfect family is something we'd all like to have, it's not a basic requirement for a happy life! And if your mother is so terrible at doing a job every woman is basically programmed to do well, then make sure that you will be nothing like her with your own children! Good luck!