Mixed Feelings

I'm not a spoiled brat or anything. I don't ask for much, I spend my own money for the things I want, and I don't bother my mom with my problems. Lately I've been going through drepression and it seems like my mom tries to ignore this fact. I scar myself and when I get into the worst of moods I push myself away from people, yet she does nothing. Once I stayed home from school because I had a horrible headache, and she forced me to sit down and she berated me on how I was such a disappointment to her and she started crying really hard. I stayed emotionless so I wouldn't encourage her. According to her, I had a poor time schedule (my depression made it really hard to sleep but she ignored that) and I only cared about my friends and sports. I do track and field and I love it; she threatened to cut me from the team and make me move in with my aunt. Then she cried some more. I was acting uninpressed but inside I was exhausted. I usually don't talk to my mom because she'd use conversation as an excuse to bring up yet another one of my problems: my moodiness, my growing independence, my emotional detachment from family, how I spent my money and not hers, my sleep schedule. She also doesn't like how I enjoy going out with friends more and more; she's overprotective and doesn't deny it. She conpares me a lot to my brother, a year older than me, who is always tolerant, never sick, gets outstanding grades and stays at home every weekend to be with my mom. My mom especially hates my guy friends and sees me as a magnet for trouble. Her teenage years were spent in Asia, however, so how would she know what to experience? She continues to have temper tantrums at me and I try ignoring it but all it does is worsen my emotions and it makes me force myself to detach from my family. I understand she works just to pay for a roof above my head but she does it angrily. I wish someday we could settle our differences and I could have her understand my sadness and need for independence.
AshAsh21 AshAsh21
13-15, F
Jan 7, 2013