If I Had Been The Right Gender

The night's will held mine as the girl's breath held me to her, so I became, in stubborn defiance of the one who shunned the light of a girl for the son of her ideal, for her the right thoughts, for me, everything wrong, for I was before and I will always be, out of her reach and furthest of her desires.

The thanks I give for this is bountiful, for in no way do I wish to clothe and coin myself to her tune, to dance for her joy, for joy was not my solace from the moment she knew I was not to be. Still in moonlight reverie when the thoughts of my innermost desires lay at their resting peace, I wonder if I had been a boy would this family have been happier?
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4 Responses Jan 9, 2013

Do you wish you were born a boy?

Many feel they should be the other gender.

That's good.

You are the right gender and no sex is inferior. But I still remember in young age that I would have preferred to be a girl as I was so shy and never dared to speak to a girl. So I though being a girl would make it easier as it would be the opposite gender that had to speak to me. That was another time 30 years back.

Hi, (^_^)/, you are the right gender, and atleast from my perspective every life form flora or fauna is equal with equal rights to live, so there is essentially no such thing as a right gender, if it makes you feel better you are superior to men in that females are immortal, you are a living instance of the mother who birthed you a million years ago and the time before that, and your daughter will immortalize you, this fact is a scientific research subject and till now all evidences nod in agreement to what I said.

For the person you have become, you were born the right gender, life is such a drag if you continually see it as 'what if'. Is your family happy now?, are you happy with what you have created?

I guess I wonder how much of your life, joy and true happiness to be the antithesis of anything that would provide her solace. It is your life baby doll, live with disregard for her, it appears she is still controlling you. I know I have gotten a lot of solace writing on these pages, and maybe that is what you are using this as a cathartic to expunge the memories, I sure hope so, it sounds like you have a beautiful life if you could put your hurts to rest.

Good, that in itself is suffient spite to make your life happy :-)

Thats the spirit, I hope you have a smile. By the way, your english is superb, could not tell it from a native

ha ha ha, met a girl many many years ago in Alcapulco Mexico, she was French and spoke no English, me, American and spoke no French, so we communicated in Spanish. It was a fools errand at best, but I still smile when I think of it.

Ahh, and I was smitten, the jet black hair, the bright startling blue eyes and a skin as fine as china showing the pulse of the veins beneath as they tracked across her bosom. Yes, I was very young, between her throaty voice and a smile that made my blood rush, it was my first encounter with a woman who could do this to me, my pulse rushed until my ears throbbed, and I would ask her silly questions just to hear that voice, and have her look into my eyes. :-) god that was long ago, it seems another life.

God, if I had put it like that, I would be heading for a cold shower ;-), you have a lovely way with words.

Strong, graphic and sensual, if you ever write a book let me know, your passion seems to even put a pulse back in my hardening arteries :-)

I had read that in one of your confessions of your feelings for your mother and how she thought it was a worthless venture of a worthless child. I had or have no idea of how published you are, but I find communicating with you to be evocative and a pleasant exercise on this board. Your delight in life shows through in your writing when you choose it to be so. Language is such a rich, beautiful tapestry to paint on it is a shame so many are immune to its pallet. Good luck on your eros, it seems to be quite the rage now. 50 Shades of Grey and its sister volumes have been on the best seller list for a good while selling over 65 million copies. A laudable sales for the author E.L. James. I find it prophetic it should take place in the same city my morals were beaten senseless.

Have you ever cold scripted for work?
Yes, morals are subjective. I have sat here for a good 10 minutes trying to put into words my feelings on this, and I have no better way of experssing it than, "what did I do", maybe the same you would be saying if the chair had broken or you had taken the table leg to your mother, something came out that otherwise lay hidden, dormant and unmoving. The only way to come to grips with it, is it is done, move on, there is no one who can speak of it any longer, it will not ever come up, so kick it down and move on.

Dreams, stories, tales, projects to engage the mind and imagination things to make getting up each morning a worthy effort.. It never goes away, that feeling, I don;t know if it will, but today I still dance to its tune and my eyes ablaze with creation. I still like designing, I still like cutting a new stone to view its secrets.

I am glad we met today, you have been a fascinating communicator and I have greatly enjoyed the discourse. I need to head to bed, you have a good evening, and thank you for sharing your time with me.

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