What Did I Do Wrong For My Mom To Hate Me?

I always thought a mom was suppose to be there for their child, love their child, take care of there child, comfort their child, etc. no matter what there child does, but not my mom. my mom just stopped loving me when i turned 13 and hasnt shown me any love since. She calls me maybe once a year or when she calls me its because she does its just to yell at me, she only came to my home twice in the last two years, she never has watched my kids, but she has watched my sister kids, she kicked me out when i got pregnant but she helped my sisters. she just has never really been there for me like i wanted her too. i just want to know why does she treat me so different? why she is never proud of me? like she is with my sisters? wasn't i pretty enough? why did she find me from her in-laws. why did she push me away. why was she there when i needed her the most? why did she talk so do to me? want to get over the past but i cant cause so much that i want her to answer but i know she wont. So i dont know when am i gonna get over this? its been 15 years already and i just dont know what to do
mija1983 mija1983
2 Responses Jan 22, 2013

I think we have a lot in common. I was the child my mother couldn't love. No reason -- none that anyone would ever admit to, antway. She just couldn't. She just didn't want to. She had three children. She obviously only wanted two. What is horrible is that society instills the belief that if your mother doesn't love you, then you're not loveable. There really isn't anything wrong with us except that we can't accept that weren't loved by our mothers. It's not fair. But there are people out there with very, very deep emotional problems. And two of those people happen to be our mothers. I refuse to make excuses for her anymore. She's wrong. She's bad. Not me. Took me 52 years and hundreds of thousands of dollars paid to counselors to learn that. I'm still learning. I'm still hurting. But slowly I'm believing I'm worth something. The problem was always hers, not mine. I hope you'll give yourself some love -- the love your mother would never give. It's not your fault. It never was.

Then you must ask yourself what happened when you were 13 that fundamentally made her lose respect for you? Also, compared to your sisters, is your way of life/income/occupation/dressing style/partner/... very different from your sisters? Some people get very rude and mean over very superficial things.
My hypothesis would be that she developed a certain idea of you -which she found horrid or not worth her love and respect- and unconsciously you have been reinforcing said idea throughout the years that followed. Analyzing the trail of cause and effect may lead you to the source.
A question you should ask yourself is, I think, "do I really care?". If she somehow disapproves of the lifestyle that makes you happy... Is trying to regain her respect worth giving up the things you like for?
And if you can find no reason at all... you can ask yourself -again- do you want to be acquainted with someone who treats you bad for no reason? Don't bother over her anymore.
Hope I didn't insult you or anyone with my little heap of advices and hypotheses...