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I Hate My Mother

Scared To Talk To My Mother

By: Floppops
Written on January 29th, 2013
I often feel I hate my mother . I know for certain I don't like her and I can't remember ever loving her. She acted like she never wanted me and my sister around when we were little. She never played with us or took us anywhere. I remember her saying we had ruined her life. My sister has BPD and lives in a hostel and my mother hates her. My mother has never a kind word to say about anyone.
I am grateful not to have received any physical or sexual abuse but emotional neglect and constantly frightening and abusive behaviour takes it's toll. She was an alcoholic during my childhood and would just ignore us and stare out the window getting drunk and then when we were in bed we'd hear her screaming and raging downstairs. I've always been frightened of her.
When I told her I was pregnant at 36 and in a relationship and very happy she screamed no,no! and implied I should have an abortion.
She calls me all the time and demands to know what I'm not telling her. She said to me last time I saw her that she thought I had breast cancer as I looked so unwell.
She made me cry last Xmas and this new year with hurtful comments.
I'm planning on getting married soon and I have to tell her and I am feeling sick every day at the thought of telling her and what she will do. I know it'll be awful.
By: Floppops
Age: 36-40
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2 responses
  • whatusernameisnttaken
    whatusernameisnttaken

    You don't have to tell her. Although the role she plays, as your mother, is significant; the relationship doesn't always need to be. A person is a person regardless of their role in your life. You wouldn't stay with your fiancé if he treated you and made you feel like how she does. Same goes for her. She'll always be a mom but is still just a person.

    Jan 30
    1 like
  • NorthernStar1980
    NorthernStar1980

    I am so sorry you have a tumultuous relationship with your mother. However, since you are no longer under your mother's care, what difference does it make how she feels about the decisions you make in life. You're a grown woman, and I'm sure you handle yourself with respect. Before you tell your mother another thing, you must forgive her first for everything she has done to you. When you forgive her, you're not excusing her behavior, but you are deciding to let go of all the pain she's caused so that you could live a life worth living. It'll make things easier when you need to tell her something of importance...if she doesn't agree, let it roll off your back and keep going. I know you want your mother to be open, understanding and loving....but she's not, and you have to deal with what you have! Kill her with kindness....but you can do that from afar if need be. I hope things work out. By the way, congrats on the upcoming wedding....I know you will make a lovely bride. :)

    Jan 29
    1 like