Constant Doubt

I don't know if this is because I've been forced to live with my mom again or what, but I am so angry with my mother all the time.  Mostly it's the mother in her that frustrates me.  I'll be 28 years old tomorrow, and she still thinks that I need to be reminded (almost constantly) about all of the bad things in the world.  I can't remember the last time she said anything positive or encouraging that wasn't followed by, "just be careful, you never know."  It is so depressing to not even allow yourself to be completely happy or excited about one thing.  No one assumes that you are oblivious or not cautious... why does the one person who is supposed to support me and believe in me always knock me down?

I am constantly reminded about what can happen when I'm driving, the worst possible scenario when I have a new idea on what to do with life, or living situations, or going to the airport, traveling...all the good stuff in life she douses with just enough water to ruin it.

I excitedly talk about traveling the world. 
My mother's reply:  "Oh God are you kidding me?  I can't stand to think of you all the way over there."  That's all she said.
Thanks for sharing my joy mom.

I find a possible roommate, a couple that sounds so nice. 
My mother's reply: "Are you sure it wouldn't frustrate you to live with someone else?  Make sure you don't go to their house alone...it could be a ploy for that man to get you alone.  Make sure his wife is there."
Yes, I am 28 years old.  I am aware of the things that people may do...I choose to not dwell on the bad things, it doesn't mean that I am completely oblivious.

I go on a short trip within the states.
My mother's reaction: "Call me when you get to the airport, call me when you get there."
Do you not even have enough faith in me to get myself to the airport without incident?!?
If I don't call even one day while I am out of town, trying to enjoy my vacation, or trying to get around an unfamiliar airport...I also have to factor in the added stress of making a phone call, and entertaining my mother's many other worries.

She assumes that New York City is still full of nothing but criminals and vagrants.  If I told her I was about to go in the subway, she wanted me to call her when I got to my destination!!  My only choice?  Don't tell her.  I bet you can guess how she feels when she realizes that I don't tell her things.  Every time I tell her about something I'm going to do or thinking about doing, she makes sure to remind me of something to worry about.  A simple trip across town to a friend's house keeps her up at night until she knows for sure that I am home or staying put at my friend's house for the night.  I could understand if I was 16.  Really, I could (and I did). 

At this point, I am beginning to see the effect that the negativity has had on me.  I talk myself out of doing things by myself because I have no confidence in myself.  The day I got married (divorced now), is supposed to be the happiest day of my life, right?  My mother reminds me at the last minute that I have the option to change my mind.  At the time, there was no cause for this.  She implants this seed of doubt EVERY GOD DAMN TIME that sucks just enough happiness out to ruin it.
Sooozie Sooozie
26-30, F
3 Responses Jun 25, 2007

Yeesh! OK your mom sounds worse, Treefroggy. My relationship with my mother deteriorated so much so that I ended up moving out. I presented the idea to my mother that our relationship would improve if I moved out, and perhaps if I found a place with cheap enough rent, she could pay the rent as it would cost just as much as the money she was spending to feed and house me. The idea of us having a better relationship was appealing enough to her to foot the bill for a year and a half.

I completely understand. I am 32 and my mother is the same way. I, too, am having to live with my parents again and I am about to crack from the strain. I have literally shut myself up in my room like a moody teenager because I can't bear her constant nagging and worrying. I am a graduate student, but I cannot get started on work because I have no freedom of movement when she is around. She needs to know my every move, and then she has to second-guess it, as if I haven't survived without her for the last 15 years! She is controlling, negative, joyless, and exacting. I only have to deal with this for a few more days until I leave for a conference, but I cannot think of a long-term solution for this. The only thing I can think of is to be grateful that I am nothing like her. She is one of the reasons I never want to have children.

Your awareness of what she has done to you is a first step in becoming your own person...persue it.