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My Mother Had a Daughter

And that daughter was me...  I often sit and wonder, now that I'm an adult and have my own 2 beautiful daughers, how could she have done those awful things to me? 

I vowed when I became pregnant with my first child, that I would be the one to break the chain... they cycle of abuse... that demeaning black cloud that robs you of your childhood and breaks the spirit of a little girl who only wanted to desperately be loved. 

You see, my mother was an abuser.  She was an abuser from the start, which, as I grew older didn't make sense.  Her mother and father were not abusers... they were kind, loving grandparents to me and I loved them both more than anything on this earth.  Her brothers were wonderful uncles and neither of them ever raised a hand to their children...  So what happened with my mother???  Why was she the one who instilled all my fears in me?  To this day, I cannot answer this...

I remember a time when I lived with my mother and one of her many boyfriends, and she blurted out to me that my father was NOT my father... he was my STEP father... I, being only 11 years old, and very isolated, did not even know what a step father was... All I remember was wanting to go back and live with my dad, but, he drank a lot - and couldn't have me there. 

In my mind, the countless times of the beatings with leather belts, the broken bones of my cousin, the mental abuse, 'you're so stupid!' , 'you're so ugly', and the ever popular, 'who ever would want YOU?'.... still remain as echos when depression hits.  I always think, maybe she was right.  Maybe I AM stupid, ugly, and maybe that's why I'm in my 2nd marriage - and still not happy.  What a vicious cycle...

My 2 daughters are wonderful... I love them so much and could not imagine my life without them.  I would never do anything to hurt them, or make them feel inferior to anyone - they are secure with themselves and me... they are told daily, several times a day, the mommy loves them so much!  They are hugged, and kissed, ALL the time!  They KNOW they are wanted and loved.  And it is THIS treatment of children that helps their self esteem, their grades at school (both are A/B students) and gives them the confidence needed to deal with life even at the tender ages of 6 & 9... 

My girls are the world to me.. and I would die without them...

Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 59 Responses Jul 27, 2007

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you are not alone. there are many more moms out there, like mine, who has said and done worse stuff. stuff i dont know where to write and tell people.

I just stopped talking to my mother like 6 months ago. I had a child when I was 15 and I let her manipulate me into letting her raise her.
I just found out a few weeks ago that she abused her too and I don't know how to fix our broken relationship.
I had two more children that I just adore that are secure in themselves and get straight A's every year. I wish I had raised my oldest daughter. She has emotional problems and a son of her own now. I don't have much of a relationship with either one of them.
My oldest lived with me for a time and I had to put her in foster care because she was corrupting my other two children. She still has a relationship with my mother but I refuse. I get depressed sometimes when I think about it but I don't want to be sad. I do tell her when we speak that I love very much even though for years my mom has been telling her I don't love her or care about her.

i would never abuse my child, i'm just gonna yell at them

I don't to be a joy killer, but if I can give you an advise, don't ever, ever, tell your kids you would die without them, even though it's true. I understand what you mean by this, but a child doesn't. Let me explain to you, my mom once told me that she probably would have comitted suicide if I wasn't there, she didn't actually meant it that way, but that's what she said. And in the first place I felt very important like "wow, Mommy loves me so much, she would die without me" but unconsciously I became responsible for her happiness, that also ment that, whenerver she stopped being happy, it was my fault, I wasn't good enough to make her happy anymore. And this kind of crushed me pretty hard.

I think this a good thing to think about. A child's mind is so young, naive, and tends to mix-match things around. I remember as a child, my dad did not like that I was upset all the time by the littlest things. He wanted me to be happy and I did not like that I was known as the 'mad' child. My parents could not give much as a child, so I was always comparing myself to other kids and what they had. Eventually, my dad told me that the more I keep getting more, the bigger chance this huge ball of hot energy will just crawl out of the wall and go through my stomach. And I believed him! :p

GREAT LOVE GIVEN TO YOUR CHILDREN BY YOU.

Thank you for that I am in a similar situation <3

My story sounds similar to yours. You are so lucky that you have two beautiful kids. I am so afraid to have children incase i turn out like my mother, abusive, emotionally blackmailing and one who doesn't have a good relationship with their kids. I'd rather not risk this since i've had an awful relationship with my mother. Stay strong and move on, your mother is in your past you can be happy you've moved so far.

I felt like that for many years and then I met a lovely man (who's mother is just as bad as mine)and we had our son and I love him so much!!! He is like me and his dad and not like our mothers....and he loves us...I thought my mum would finally love me and accept me/leave me in peace if I gave her a grandchild but it actually made it worse....The feeling of being a mum is so overwhlmingly protective and loving and I find I cannot forgive her for how she is with me...I have a brother (the golden child) who had a child 1 year or so later and she EVEN FAVOURS HIS CHILD!!!! I am not speaking to any of my family now .I know I am a nice person and they are not - I have my own family and the love I need comes with it....Kids are just great - choose someone who wants a child and who you get on with rather than a passionate love to coparent with you....So many parents cause probs for their kids with their relationship and its avoidable....You will find true love - i wish Id done it sooner...

My mother is a verbally and emotionally abusive woman. I'm now 45 and still, I feel stressed and harassed after I talk to her or receive any text messages. I just blocked her phone no. on my cell phone so I don't have to receive any text messages or calls from her. I am having my landline's phone no. changed. The only thing I can do to keep my sanity and peace of mind is to avoid her.I used to think there was something wrong with me, but now I know there is something wrong with my mother, not me. As a mother myself, I wonder how she could do the things she did to me. I have two kids and we have a very good relationship. I don't know how a mother can be so abusive with her word and actions. I love my children very much and I would never dream of treating them the way I was treated. We, as children are often powerless to do something about it. The only sane thing to do is AVOID our abusive mothers and not let them continue making our lives miserable.

Your story of your mother is heartbreaking. I had the most wonderful mother and I cannot begin to imagine how awful that must have been for you. You are in my prayers. It seems like you are a great mother yourself, despite your own childhood. Your daughters are very lucky.

That's one amazing story. I hope you'll be happy :)

I meant 56?!

Wow you gave birth at 50?!

I understand you completly. My mother was a horrible person. Herion addict and she put me in the position to be molested for years by sick and disgusting child abuser she called clients. i was abused physcially by my mother actually lets say tortured and neglected but as a child I did everything she told me too in the hopes someday she would love me.

reading your story was is like reading my pass .

just like you i have to lovely and strong girls.

im so happy in life with my hubby who is my best friend my soull mate my love my heart so he is. and let me tell u why im so happy . cos i promist my self never to be like that evil woman i use to call mother to . i will never ever let her break my soul . she did it when i was a kid but not now never , and thats why im happppppppy . let go of her let go of the pass it will make you a better person and give you a clean soul - you are lovely and i love you xxx GOD BLESS YOU sweet lady may the good LORD shine his light on your girls always xxx

I loved your story - You are doing good. It seems a lot of marriages become unhappy - i don't know what the magic or continual happiness is other than diversity in efforts and feeding a positive attitude by getting emotional support from more sources than just your spouse -



You know it's paradoxical to me that me and my sister grew up with a single mom but we recollect a completely different experience. We had different dads and she and I are were as different as day and night.



My mom tried so hard to do everything she could to raise us well. She fell short in some areas because she was a college student , an apartment complex manager and a maid for some rich and famous people. But she was only trying to feed and house us - she wasn't a workaholic. She was loving and kind and thoughtful.



My sister claims my mom was an abuser and a tyrant - my mom was none of those things - my sister was a very selfish person until her later part of her life.



I always wonder if anyone else knows someone like this who seemed to live in a different reality ?

I completely relate to your story. Our mothers sound a bit similar. Being a mom myself, I love my two girls more than anything. I don't have the ability to feel anything else but that love, even when I get angry at them. Our mothers are just sick people who will never experience the beauty of love for your child. Too bad for them.

My mom was also physically and mentally abusive. I am not a mother but my sister is and I love my nieces and nephews. My mom would also hit us with a thick work belt and slap us in the face. I never felt love towards her and she never showed me much. She prided herself on us being terrified by her and one of her favorite things to do when our friends came over was degrade us and say how worthless and ungrateful we were. She lies and feeds on our tears. The more I cry the more she gets in my face and yells. I will b 29 years old nd I still have nightmares of my

Mom. I had another falling out with my mom on sat. And she begged me before to take over payments with my sister on her old house and now that I broke my lease for her she is kicking me out. I miss my dad.RIP

You are a wonderful mother, not like mine. The only reason she stopped abusing me physically is because I got old enough to take it. She still treats me like dirt though. I have tried to love her, but she makes it impossible. Her insults cause a pain in me that cripples my soul. Her words cut me where the scars never heal.

Please, keep loving your daughters with all your heart. Knowing that somewhere in this world children are loved, is a thought that helps me soldier on. No child should have to live the way you or I did.

oops I posted it twice, sorry :/

My mother is also a very mean, extremely irritating person, ETC. For example, she doesn't even care about me. When I get hurt and scream "Ouch!" she doesn't pay attention. Also when I try to do my homework she walks by me all the time for reasons that are excuses just to annoy me. Also, if I get mad at her and call her a bad word, she purposely annoys me back in any way she can besides saying something, DIRECTLY mean to me. She also sends me to my neighbor across the street, a retired psychologist, to make me be nicer to her. She's so stupid she doesn't understand that SHE is the bigger problem in my life. She's also not fit to be a mother. She gets our meals from her work, her job is a Preschool asistant. Why does she do that when she has a college degree in Engineering!?!?!? She's also plain stupid. She has no common sense!!! She's also conceited, and lies ALL the time! She wasn't abused or anything when she was a kid. What the Hell is her problem?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I get almost all A's. I play soccer and the trombone. And I am a leader of a group of 7 boys in Polish Boy Scouts ( Harcerstwo ). I often cry, and sadly wonder why God had to give me this son of a ***** mother who just... is a complete moron with no life, and cares about no-one but herself.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My sister is also turning into my mother. ( A conceited son of a ***** ). I don't want to explain, and don't have to... it's all above, pretty much.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is so many bad things about my mother, I can't even explain!!! Uh!!!

I tried waiting it out until I can leave forever ( Hell yes!!! ) It's too hard, she won't EVER change cuz' she's just a complete retard!!! I have 6 years ( I'm 12 ) till I graduate!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What can I do, there must be something, to just plain ignore her or, I guess... somehow MAKE her have to change. The problem is... that whenever I try to tell my neighbor about what she does... I forget it all. I have no idea why, and I wish it didn't happen to me... but maybe... I have an idea! For my psychologist neighbor my mother has a journal she rights all the bad things I do in. If I wrote the bad things she did, that might help. But still... please give me an answer, not just nurturing. Please!



Thank you!

- A very sad twelve year old

Hi I was wondering if things got better for you. Its been s year since you posted. I might have some advice for you

My mother is also a very mean, extremely irritating person, ETC. For example, she doesn't even care about me. When I get hurt and scream "Ouch!" she doesn't pay attention. Also when I try to do my homework she walks by me all the time for reasons that are excuses just to annoy me. Also, if I get mad at her and call her a bad word, she purposely annoys me back in any way she can besides saying something, DIRECTLY mean to me. She also sends me to my neighbor across the street, a retired psychologist, to make me be nicer to her. She's so stupid she doesn't understand that SHE is the bigger problem in my life. She's also not fit to be a mother. She gets our meals from her work, her job is a Preschool asistant. Why does she do that when she has a college degree in Engineering!?!?!? She's also plain stupid. She has no common sense!!! She's also conceited, and lies ALL the time! She wasn't abused or anything when she was a kid. What the Hell is her problem?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I get almost all A's. I play soccer and the trombone. And I am a leader of a group of 7 boys in Polish Boy Scouts ( Harcerstwo ). I often cry, and sadly wonder why God had to give me this son of a ***** mother who just... is a complete moron with no life, and cares about no-one but herself.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My sister is also turning into my mother. ( A conceited son of a ***** ). I don't want to explain, and don't have to... it's all above, pretty much.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There is so many bad things about my mother, I can't even explain!!! Uh!!!

I tried waiting it out until I can leave forever ( Hell yes!!! ) It's too hard, she won't EVER change cuz' she's just a complete retard!!! I have 6 years ( I'm 12 ) till I graduate!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What can I do, there must be something, to just plain ignore her or, I guess... somehow MAKE her have to change. The problem is... that whenever I try to tell my neighbor about what she does... I forget it all. I have no idea why, and I wish it didn't happen to me... but maybe... I have an idea! For my psychologist neighbor my mother has a journal she rights all the bad things I do in. If I wrote the bad things she did, that might help. But still... please give me an answer, not just nurturing. Please!



Thank you!

- A very sad twelve year old

Let me just say, and I think I can speak for many people reading this post, we feel your pain. Eventhough you are young and you may have emotions that you cant explain. Just hang in there. Study hard, focus on bettering yourself so you may remove yourself from this painful situation when you are old enough. Dont let her stresses in life affect your future. I cant say it "gets better" just know that you can make a life for yourself if you stay focused towards a goal. Keep your chin up, you will find a life of wonderful friends that will love you even if it is later in life, just get there and hold tight for the bumpy ride!

thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. i know how hard that is.

This song by called Legacy by Kutless helps remind me that although I didn't hold the pen writing my story for many years. I have now hold the pen and can write my story however I want. I have the power to change the legacy that has been left for me to continue. I decide the end and what legacy I will leave for my future generations to continue. I choose to change the legacy left to me and leave one to my children that will not need to be changed.





Oh the memories

Of all the things that shouldn’t be

They take you away from all you should be

Don’t let it go by as if you agree



Chorus

Nightmares of the past will fade away

The future of your name is what will stay

Never try to blame the past for everything you say

You have the power you need to change your legacy



Do you really want to be just like

The very ones you blame who take you away

From all you should be

Don’t just stand by as if you agree

Think of the future and when you are gone

How will you be remembered then

For all time you can be the one who changed the name

this is exactly how my mother treats me, how can a mother be so wicked?

It's interesting u say afta u say ur in ur 2nd marriage that u r still not happy... maybe its because u r relying on marriage to make u happy. Being single or married or divorced it NOT a happiness status, it is a relationship status. Your relationship with yourself is what will make you happy and yes your mother has probably had a big role in damaging your relationship with yourself but YOU can work on it and love yourself, there is no use in listening to a person as ugly as your mother listen to your true self the self that will always love u

hey i'm samantha , but everybody calls me sam. my parents are nice they buy me things and are fun sometimes but they don't believe in me. sometimes when my mum is angry she says things like ( you worthless, go to your room i don't want to see your face , or you're a loser and you'll never amount to something if you keep doing this ) stuff like that. on the inside i'm suffocating . I'm dying . its almost like im drowning in depression and tears and i have already entered the dark side where i've lost all hope in everybody including myself. my bother is possibly the only one in my house who makes me feel wanted. he makes me believe in my self and that i can be anything i wanna be . if it weren't for my brother i think i would've been dead from my countless tries of committing suicide . thanks to you i feel like theres hope i mean i know my family loves me and all but , they forget to show it oh and did i mention the constant yelling and arguing and bickering in my house its like theres always a new problem and im tired i need someone to talk to .

I wish you were my mom!! Haha

My mother never abused me, but she was emotionalyl dead and never gave me hugs or kisses or 'love you's' or anything.

You're a good mom.

My mother is just like yours. I read your story and I just can't help but to cry. My mother neglect me sooo much it hurst to today. I am happily married with 2 kids that I love and I ask myself why? why can a mother do this one job that GOD put in her hands, to love her child!!! why can they do it? if they knew the damage, never mind , they know. why they keep on abusing their daughters? is not fair.



I was emotionally batter by my mother that til this day I trust nobody, at least female but me. My mother slept with my fiance when I was 21 years old, she told me that it was one of my best friends, but it turned out to be her. she acted as if it was nothing wrong I just lost it and joined the military. After that she never visit me contacted me it was MY job to make things better, by visiting her pretending nothing happened.

Then I found a better man got married, she never came to my wedding never helped me when I got my first baby, or second. waitted 5 years to see her grand son. and some family menbers (her side) tell me to forget and forgive. well I have honestly forgave, but don't want her in my life. she is toxic waste to me. People want me to call her on mothers day - I don't think I can-

too many people have told you to forgive and forget without takin the time to walk in your shoes. there are times when you must prune back the branches on your tree in order to flourish, to grow. your story is your own, and you seem to know what makes you stronger.
i have not spoken with my mother in almost 10 years now, i do not regret that decision, i am a better person for it. but it was not an easy one, and there are those who can't take the time to understand my choice. "those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter"

Yes my mum too is selfish. She even tell others that i am ugly... talk bad about me to others. She has a habit stealing my things. She is inhumane. Whatever that comes out from her mouth is all about wealth and beauty. But i am lucky that i have a have a good mother in law who is totally opposite my own mum. Though my mother in law loves her children more than anything else but she is not mean to others. Nowadays i never give a damn of my mum well being. I dont bother to call her any more because she never talk anything positive. I feel bad for behaving like this to my mum but I really can't stand it coz if I talk to her it would make me hate her more...

Your story hits so close to home for me, thank you for sharing. I know exactly how you feel. The pain never, ever, ever goes away. My Mother has made my life a living hell. Why? Because she's selfish, cold, bitter and soulless. You're fat, ugly, a liar, sneaky, a martyr....all of these I carry with me. You have given me the courage to post my own story....now where to begin???