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My Mother Had a Daughter

And that daughter was me...  I often sit and wonder, now that I'm an adult and have my own 2 beautiful daughers, how could she have done those awful things to me? 

I vowed when I became pregnant with my first child, that I would be the one to break the chain... they cycle of abuse... that demeaning black cloud that robs you of your childhood and breaks the spirit of a little girl who only wanted to desperately be loved. 

You see, my mother was an abuser.  She was an abuser from the start, which, as I grew older didn't make sense.  Her mother and father were not abusers... they were kind, loving grandparents to me and I loved them both more than anything on this earth.  Her brothers were wonderful uncles and neither of them ever raised a hand to their children...  So what happened with my mother???  Why was she the one who instilled all my fears in me?  To this day, I cannot answer this...

I remember a time when I lived with my mother and one of her many boyfriends, and she blurted out to me that my father was NOT my father... he was my STEP father... I, being only 11 years old, and very isolated, did not even know what a step father was... All I remember was wanting to go back and live with my dad, but, he drank a lot - and couldn't have me there. 

In my mind, the countless times of the beatings with leather belts, the broken bones of my cousin, the mental abuse, 'you're so stupid!' , 'you're so ugly', and the ever popular, 'who ever would want YOU?'.... still remain as echos when depression hits.  I always think, maybe she was right.  Maybe I AM stupid, ugly, and maybe that's why I'm in my 2nd marriage - and still not happy.  What a vicious cycle...

My 2 daughters are wonderful... I love them so much and could not imagine my life without them.  I would never do anything to hurt them, or make them feel inferior to anyone - they are secure with themselves and me... they are told daily, several times a day, the mommy loves them so much!  They are hugged, and kissed, ALL the time!  They KNOW they are wanted and loved.  And it is THIS treatment of children that helps their self esteem, their grades at school (both are A/B students) and gives them the confidence needed to deal with life even at the tender ages of 6 & 9... 

My girls are the world to me.. and I would die without them...

Cheleanne Cheleanne 66-70, F 61 Responses Jul 27, 2007

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Yeah, I feel you, and I'm glad you turned out to be a caring person.

My mother is a ***** too. The worse is being a part of culture where it's okay for parents to be verbally abusive to their kids. There were times me and my mother used to be best friends. I helped her with cooking, cleaning, gardening, and whatever else. I was able to tell her everything. And then she became this evil, disgusting, mean woman I didn't know. She would become so jealous and envious of others that she would lash it out on me and my younger brother. She would constantly compare me and my brother to other, smarter and more successful Indian kids, saying that there was nothing special about me and my brother. She said me and my brother made her life depressing and that it was all our faults. I became angry and reminded her I had depression too. She would say I used depression as excuse for my "bad" grades...that I was a fake. I suffered with depression since high school and I had been in therapy.

Those weren't the only things she say. She would constantly complain I'm too dark skinned, too short (I'm 5'3" mind you and she's the same height), and all sorts of stuff. She told me and my brother the other day to my father that we weren't worth their money. I guess birth pill and condom weren't worth it them at the time, huh?

I know how you feel. My father abused me, too. He is a rapist and molested both me and my sister and my mother did not do anything.

you are not alone. there are many more moms out there, like mine, who has said and done worse stuff. stuff i dont know where to write and tell people.

I just stopped talking to my mother like 6 months ago. I had a child when I was 15 and I let her manipulate me into letting her raise her.
I just found out a few weeks ago that she abused her too and I don't know how to fix our broken relationship.
I had two more children that I just adore that are secure in themselves and get straight A's every year. I wish I had raised my oldest daughter. She has emotional problems and a son of her own now. I don't have much of a relationship with either one of them.
My oldest lived with me for a time and I had to put her in foster care because she was corrupting my other two children. She still has a relationship with my mother but I refuse. I get depressed sometimes when I think about it but I don't want to be sad. I do tell her when we speak that I love very much even though for years my mom has been telling her I don't love her or care about her.

Wow ...not cool

i would never abuse my child, i'm just gonna yell at them

Just be careful of what you say.

I don't to be a joy killer, but if I can give you an advise, don't ever, ever, tell your kids you would die without them, even though it's true. I understand what you mean by this, but a child doesn't. Let me explain to you, my mom once told me that she probably would have comitted suicide if I wasn't there, she didn't actually meant it that way, but that's what she said. And in the first place I felt very important like "wow, Mommy loves me so much, she would die without me" but unconsciously I became responsible for her happiness, that also ment that, whenerver she stopped being happy, it was my fault, I wasn't good enough to make her happy anymore. And this kind of crushed me pretty hard.

I think this a good thing to think about. A child's mind is so young, naive, and tends to mix-match things around. I remember as a child, my dad did not like that I was upset all the time by the littlest things. He wanted me to be happy and I did not like that I was known as the 'mad' child. My parents could not give much as a child, so I was always comparing myself to other kids and what they had. Eventually, my dad told me that the more I keep getting more, the bigger chance this huge ball of hot energy will just crawl out of the wall and go through my stomach. And I believed him! :p

GREAT LOVE GIVEN TO YOUR CHILDREN BY YOU.

Thank you for that I am in a similar situation <3

My story sounds similar to yours. You are so lucky that you have two beautiful kids. I am so afraid to have children incase i turn out like my mother, abusive, emotionally blackmailing and one who doesn't have a good relationship with their kids. I'd rather not risk this since i've had an awful relationship with my mother. Stay strong and move on, your mother is in your past you can be happy you've moved so far.

I felt like that for many years and then I met a lovely man (who's mother is just as bad as mine)and we had our son and I love him so much!!! He is like me and his dad and not like our mothers....and he loves us...I thought my mum would finally love me and accept me/leave me in peace if I gave her a grandchild but it actually made it worse....The feeling of being a mum is so overwhlmingly protective and loving and I find I cannot forgive her for how she is with me...I have a brother (the golden child) who had a child 1 year or so later and she EVEN FAVOURS HIS CHILD!!!! I am not speaking to any of my family now .I know I am a nice person and they are not - I have my own family and the love I need comes with it....Kids are just great - choose someone who wants a child and who you get on with rather than a passionate love to coparent with you....So many parents cause probs for their kids with their relationship and its avoidable....You will find true love - i wish Id done it sooner...

My mother is a verbally and emotionally abusive woman. I'm now 45 and still, I feel stressed and harassed after I talk to her or receive any text messages. I just blocked her phone no. on my cell phone so I don't have to receive any text messages or calls from her. I am having my landline's phone no. changed. The only thing I can do to keep my sanity and peace of mind is to avoid her.I used to think there was something wrong with me, but now I know there is something wrong with my mother, not me. As a mother myself, I wonder how she could do the things she did to me. I have two kids and we have a very good relationship. I don't know how a mother can be so abusive with her word and actions. I love my children very much and I would never dream of treating them the way I was treated. We, as children are often powerless to do something about it. The only sane thing to do is AVOID our abusive mothers and not let them continue making our lives miserable.

Your story of your mother is heartbreaking. I had the most wonderful mother and I cannot begin to imagine how awful that must have been for you. You are in my prayers. It seems like you are a great mother yourself, despite your own childhood. Your daughters are very lucky.

That's one amazing story. I hope you'll be happy :)

I meant 56?!

Wow you gave birth at 50?!

I understand you completly. My mother was a horrible person. Herion addict and she put me in the position to be molested for years by sick and disgusting child abuser she called clients. i was abused physcially by my mother actually lets say tortured and neglected but as a child I did everything she told me too in the hopes someday she would love me.

reading your story was is like reading my pass . <br />
just like you i have to lovely and strong girls. <br />
im so happy in life with my hubby who is my best friend my soull mate my love my heart so he is. and let me tell u why im so happy . cos i promist my self never to be like that evil woman i use to call mother to . i will never ever let her break my soul . she did it when i was a kid but not now never , and thats why im happppppppy . let go of her let go of the pass it will make you a better person and give you a clean soul - you are lovely and i love you xxx GOD BLESS YOU sweet lady may the good LORD shine his light on your girls always xxx

I loved your story - You are doing good. It seems a lot of marriages become unhappy - i don't know what the magic or continual happiness is other than diversity in efforts and feeding a positive attitude by getting emotional support from more sources than just your spouse - <br />
<br />
You know it's paradoxical to me that me and my sister grew up with a single mom but we recollect a completely different experience. We had different dads and she and I are were as different as day and night.<br />
<br />
My mom tried so hard to do everything she could to raise us well. She fell short in some areas because she was a college student , an apartment complex manager and a maid for some rich and famous people. But she was only trying to feed and house us - she wasn't a workaholic. She was loving and kind and thoughtful. <br />
<br />
My sister claims my mom was an abuser and a tyrant - my mom was none of those things - my sister was a very selfish person until her later part of her life.<br />
<br />
I always wonder if anyone else knows someone like this who seemed to live in a different reality ?

I completely relate to your story. Our mothers sound a bit similar. Being a mom myself, I love my two girls more than anything. I don't have the ability to feel anything else but that love, even when I get angry at them. Our mothers are just sick people who will never experience the beauty of love for your child. Too bad for them.

My mom was also physically and mentally abusive. I am not a mother but my sister is and I love my nieces and nephews. My mom would also hit us with a thick work belt and slap us in the face. I never felt love towards her and she never showed me much. She prided herself on us being terrified by her and one of her favorite things to do when our friends came over was degrade us and say how worthless and ungrateful we were. She lies and feeds on our tears. The more I cry the more she gets in my face and yells. I will b 29 years old nd I still have nightmares of my<br />
Mom. I had another falling out with my mom on sat. And she begged me before to take over payments with my sister on her old house and now that I broke my lease for her she is kicking me out. I miss my dad.RIP

You are a wonderful mother, not like mine. The only reason she stopped abusing me physically is because I got old enough to take it. She still treats me like dirt though. I have tried to love her, but she makes it impossible. Her insults cause a pain in me that cripples my soul. Her words cut me where the scars never heal. <br />
Please, keep loving your daughters with all your heart. Knowing that somewhere in this world children are loved, is a thought that helps me soldier on. No child should have to live the way you or I did.

oops I posted it twice, sorry :/

My mother is also a very mean, extremely irritating person, ETC. For example, she doesn't even care about me. When I get hurt and scream "Ouch!" she doesn't pay attention. Also when I try to do my homework she walks by me all the time for reasons that are excuses just to annoy me. Also, if I get mad at her and call her a bad word, she purposely annoys me back in any way she can besides saying something, DIRECTLY mean to me. She also sends me to my neighbor across the street, a retired psychologist, to make me be nicer to her. She's so stupid she doesn't understand that SHE is the bigger problem in my life. She's also not fit to be a mother. She gets our meals from her work, her job is a Preschool asistant. Why does she do that when she has a college degree in Engineering!?!?!? She's also plain stupid. She has no common sense!!! She's also conceited, and lies ALL the time! She wasn't abused or anything when she was a kid. What the Hell is her problem?<br />
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I get almost all A's. I play soccer and the trombone. And I am a leader of a group of 7 boys in Polish Boy Scouts ( Harcerstwo ). I often cry, and sadly wonder why God had to give me this son of a ***** mother who just... is a complete moron with no life, and cares about no-one but herself.<br />
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My sister is also turning into my mother. ( A conceited son of a ***** ). I don't want to explain, and don't have to... it's all above, pretty much.<br />
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
There is so many bad things about my mother, I can't even explain!!! Uh!!!<br />
I tried waiting it out until I can leave forever ( Hell yes!!! ) It's too hard, she won't EVER change cuz' she's just a complete retard!!! I have 6 years ( I'm 12 ) till I graduate!!!<br />
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What can I do, there must be something, to just plain ignore her or, I guess... somehow MAKE her have to change. The problem is... that whenever I try to tell my neighbor about what she does... I forget it all. I have no idea why, and I wish it didn't happen to me... but maybe... I have an idea! For my psychologist neighbor my mother has a journal she rights all the bad things I do in. If I wrote the bad things she did, that might help. But still... please give me an answer, not just nurturing. Please!<br />
<br />
Thank you!<br />
- A very sad twelve year old

Hi I was wondering if things got better for you. Its been s year since you posted. I might have some advice for you

My mother is also a very mean, extremely irritating person, ETC. For example, she doesn't even care about me. When I get hurt and scream "Ouch!" she doesn't pay attention. Also when I try to do my homework she walks by me all the time for reasons that are excuses just to annoy me. Also, if I get mad at her and call her a bad word, she purposely annoys me back in any way she can besides saying something, DIRECTLY mean to me. She also sends me to my neighbor across the street, a retired psychologist, to make me be nicer to her. She's so stupid she doesn't understand that SHE is the bigger problem in my life. She's also not fit to be a mother. She gets our meals from her work, her job is a Preschool asistant. Why does she do that when she has a college degree in Engineering!?!?!? She's also plain stupid. She has no common sense!!! She's also conceited, and lies ALL the time! She wasn't abused or anything when she was a kid. What the Hell is her problem?<br />
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I get almost all A's. I play soccer and the trombone. And I am a leader of a group of 7 boys in Polish Boy Scouts ( Harcerstwo ). I often cry, and sadly wonder why God had to give me this son of a ***** mother who just... is a complete moron with no life, and cares about no-one but herself.<br />
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My sister is also turning into my mother. ( A conceited son of a ***** ). I don't want to explain, and don't have to... it's all above, pretty much.<br />
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br />
There is so many bad things about my mother, I can't even explain!!! Uh!!!<br />
I tried waiting it out until I can leave forever ( Hell yes!!! ) It's too hard, she won't EVER change cuz' she's just a complete retard!!! I have 6 years ( I'm 12 ) till I graduate!!!<br />
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------What can I do, there must be something, to just plain ignore her or, I guess... somehow MAKE her have to change. The problem is... that whenever I try to tell my neighbor about what she does... I forget it all. I have no idea why, and I wish it didn't happen to me... but maybe... I have an idea! For my psychologist neighbor my mother has a journal she rights all the bad things I do in. If I wrote the bad things she did, that might help. But still... please give me an answer, not just nurturing. Please!<br />
<br />
Thank you!<br />
- A very sad twelve year old

Let me just say, and I think I can speak for many people reading this post, we feel your pain. Eventhough you are young and you may have emotions that you cant explain. Just hang in there. Study hard, focus on bettering yourself so you may remove yourself from this painful situation when you are old enough. Dont let her stresses in life affect your future. I cant say it "gets better" just know that you can make a life for yourself if you stay focused towards a goal. Keep your chin up, you will find a life of wonderful friends that will love you even if it is later in life, just get there and hold tight for the bumpy ride!

thank you for having the courage to share your story with us. i know how hard that is.

This song by called Legacy by Kutless helps remind me that although I didn't hold the pen writing my story for many years. I have now hold the pen and can write my story however I want. I have the power to change the legacy that has been left for me to continue. I decide the end and what legacy I will leave for my future generations to continue. I choose to change the legacy left to me and leave one to my children that will not need to be changed.<br />
<br />
<br />
Oh the memories<br />
Of all the things that shouldn’t be<br />
They take you away from all you should be<br />
Don’t let it go by as if you agree<br />
<br />
Chorus<br />
Nightmares of the past will fade away<br />
The future of your name is what will stay<br />
Never try to blame the past for everything you say<br />
You have the power you need to change your legacy<br />
<br />
Do you really want to be just like <br />
The very ones you blame who take you away<br />
From all you should be<br />
Don’t just stand by as if you agree<br />
Think of the future and when you are gone<br />
How will you be remembered then<br />
For all time you can be the one who changed the name

this is exactly how my mother treats me, how can a mother be so wicked?

It's interesting u say afta u say ur in ur 2nd marriage that u r still not happy... maybe its because u r relying on marriage to make u happy. Being single or married or divorced it NOT a happiness status, it is a relationship status. Your relationship with yourself is what will make you happy and yes your mother has probably had a big role in damaging your relationship with yourself but YOU can work on it and love yourself, there is no use in listening to a person as ugly as your mother listen to your true self the self that will always love u

hey i'm samantha , but everybody calls me sam. my parents are nice they buy me things and are fun sometimes but they don't believe in me. sometimes when my mum is angry she says things like ( you worthless, go to your room i don't want to see your face , or you're a loser and you'll never amount to something if you keep doing this ) stuff like that. on the inside i'm suffocating . I'm dying . its almost like im drowning in depression and tears and i have already entered the dark side where i've lost all hope in everybody including myself. my bother is possibly the only one in my house who makes me feel wanted. he makes me believe in my self and that i can be anything i wanna be . if it weren't for my brother i think i would've been dead from my countless tries of committing suicide . thanks to you i feel like theres hope i mean i know my family loves me and all but , they forget to show it oh and did i mention the constant yelling and arguing and bickering in my house its like theres always a new problem and im tired i need someone to talk to .

I wish you were my mom!! Haha<br />
My mother never abused me, but she was emotionalyl dead and never gave me hugs or kisses or 'love you's' or anything.<br />
You're a good mom.

My mother is just like yours. I read your story and I just can't help but to cry. My mother neglect me sooo much it hurst to today. I am happily married with 2 kids that I love and I ask myself why? why can a mother do this one job that GOD put in her hands, to love her child!!! why can they do it? if they knew the damage, never mind , they know. why they keep on abusing their daughters? is not fair. <br />
<br />
I was emotionally batter by my mother that til this day I trust nobody, at least female but me. My mother slept with my fiance when I was 21 years old, she told me that it was one of my best friends, but it turned out to be her. she acted as if it was nothing wrong I just lost it and joined the military. After that she never visit me contacted me it was MY job to make things better, by visiting her pretending nothing happened. <br />
Then I found a better man got married, she never came to my wedding never helped me when I got my first baby, or second. waitted 5 years to see her grand son. and some family menbers (her side) tell me to forget and forgive. well I have honestly forgave, but don't want her in my life. she is toxic waste to me. People want me to call her on mothers day - I don't think I can-

too many people have told you to forgive and forget without takin the time to walk in your shoes. there are times when you must prune back the branches on your tree in order to flourish, to grow. your story is your own, and you seem to know what makes you stronger.
i have not spoken with my mother in almost 10 years now, i do not regret that decision, i am a better person for it. but it was not an easy one, and there are those who can't take the time to understand my choice. "those who matter don't mind, those who mind don't matter"

Yes my mum too is selfish. She even tell others that i am ugly... talk bad about me to others. She has a habit stealing my things. She is inhumane. Whatever that comes out from her mouth is all about wealth and beauty. But i am lucky that i have a have a good mother in law who is totally opposite my own mum. Though my mother in law loves her children more than anything else but she is not mean to others. Nowadays i never give a damn of my mum well being. I dont bother to call her any more because she never talk anything positive. I feel bad for behaving like this to my mum but I really can't stand it coz if I talk to her it would make me hate her more...

Your story hits so close to home for me, thank you for sharing. I know exactly how you feel. The pain never, ever, ever goes away. My Mother has made my life a living hell. Why? Because she's selfish, cold, bitter and soulless. You're fat, ugly, a liar, sneaky, a martyr....all of these I carry with me. You have given me the courage to post my own story....now where to begin???

@lilgirlwithsomuchpain6438<br />
<br />
well assuming you are 10 it is just too sad.<br />
you are already joining adult forums to discuss<br />
problems when you should be jumping hoops!<br />
<br />
that is the problem with child abuse.<br />
you begin to do adult things by the time you are crawling.<br />
<br />
much sympathy and god be with yah.

sure

I know how u feel. Im a teen and my abuses me most of the time. I do have sisters and they help me but it still sucks

My mum has hated me since i was little, she got divorced from my dad when i was about 6 and my dad raised me until he also got sick and i had to take care of myself from age 11. Life was really tough but i struggled sometimes sleeping on the street because i had nowhere to go when my mum had a hotel that she run. I decided to go see her one day and she actually kicked me out at 12 midnight when she got home and was informed i was there. When i had my first daughter she refused to come see me , my dad helped me with the baby when my daughters dad asked to meet my mum she refused to meet him she actually said she did not have a daughter.She has always loved my brother. Once she realised i had become succesfull and financially okay she started getting closer to me, but i never trusted her. Its soo strange my 6 year old daughter would never warm up to my mum but would gladly warm up to my dad.Mum has always and is always praying that my business will go down and my brother should do better than me. This has ruined the relationship between myself and my brother . i dont want him near me because i am always scared my mum might even convince him to poison me. I hate this woman soooo bad i dont think i will ever forgive her.I have low self esteem now, cant talk in public all because of how she treated me when i was little.

PLease SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MY MOM

this too i ve been in a situation like this people like that arent happy with themselves so when they see a light that shines through someone they can manipulate and hirt because of there own hutting they suffer through.. noone should feel that way after many years it just time to forgive but dont forget and leave it in gods hands and be thankful that jesus got you through all the trauma that she did she tried to break you and make you feel like you wernt nothing but she knew that you were special and you needed someone to see that so she didnt want you to see it...its the sideeffects that gets to you every one goes through it when they are hurt by someone especiasly a family member that you trusted cant let hate get to you move on and exspress your feeling with how you were brought up and dont shut it out itll eat you up and she and the devil will win the victory

I'm 12 years old. I just had a horrible audition. My mom is so upset. I know I tried my best, but she still screams at me and punches me really hard at the same time. She says I wasted my whole summer practicing for nothing. SHe says I'm worthless and that I don't have a brain. Right now, she's not at home. SHe went out to hang out with her friends. (she's like really popular and has tons of friends)<br />
<br />
I have scars on my face from when she slapped me too hard. She always says she's sorry for being so bad to me, but she never attempts to change herself. <br />
<br />
One thing about my mom is that she hugs and kisses me all the time. I wish she could express her love in a different way. SHe always says she loves me, and I just say I love her too so that I don't hurt her feelings. Also, she soooo annoying. She like to act like a little kid because she likes to be cute or something. My dad always supports my mom and helps her. He stands up for me too, but I wish he wasn't so good to my mom. Inside, I always wish I could have a different mom. Whenever I get bad grades, it's like the world is over. <br />
<br />
WHen I'm walking home from skool with a bad grade, I'm always extremely nervous about how to explain things to her. I'm like getting ready to get beaten up (her hits really hurt) I really feel that I have too much stress in my life. <br />
<br />
I notice that my personality is shy, lonely, quiet, nerdy, dorky, unconfident, and boring. But that's only toward others. Inside, I actually have a lot of things to say and I think that I'm a pretty interesting person. My mom is always saying that I have no friends. Worrying actually. She's going to force me to have a birthday party. SHe doesn't know that she's the one that's causing all my problems. WHen I try to explain things to her, she always say's I'm giving her crap and that I'm finding excuses. SHe never execpts any explanation I give her. SHe just doesn't understand me.

I am totally emotionally and verbally abused by my mother. I grew up thinking it was normal to never be hugged, never told I love you, never shown any kind of emotional attachment. I push people away now. I don't let anyone get close to me. Any conversation I have with her ends in yelling and crying. I have been in therapy for a year and I still feel worthless and broken. She thinks that because she never hurt my physically that I should be fine. Well I'm not. I would almost rather of had her hit me. The constant pressure and yelling and screaming and ignoring of me just got to be too much. I have no confidence, no self esteem and no self worth. I am a basket case. And I have no one to even go to for help or guidance. I am 22. This should be a fun time in my life. Instead I spend everyday crying and wondering what happened to make me this way. Then I remember all the times she cursed at me and told me I was worthless. O yea, I guess I am...

my father drinks as well . its hard but I hardle see him my mam drinks but my daddy is wors he left my mam when I was only 9 monts . my mam is mostle out with her friends I dont mined that part but she all ways leaves me with the keys and I have to stay up untill she comes back ! and she cound be out all night !!!!!!! and if it was a school night I woud be very trede

alright well to start this off i am a 14 year old girl who lives in a very small town. i am the third out of four children in my family. my dad is a family doctor and is very well know throughout town. i have an older sister an older brother and a younger brother. my mother is an office manager for another doctor.<br />
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it was 5th grade when i started realizing i was tired of bein teachers pet and goody too shoes and well....some what perfect. well i was perfect in my parents eyes. but whenever i would mess up or make a mistake i would take it really bad even the little things like if i got a 95% on a spelling test. it was like i was raised as only perfect was acceptable. so when i messed up it was just horrible. i think this is because i was raised being know as Jocelyns sister. Jocelyn was always perfect. shes the oldest so we look up to her. well i was tired of bein "Jocelyns sister" i wanted to be known for who i am. so it started in 5th grade when i just wouldnt turn in assignment and just stopped caring so much. and it only got worse through the years. in 6th grade my best friend moved to mexico. after that i got suspended. when i got to jr. high (our jr. highs are just 7th and 8th grade) i felt as if i finally fit in...i made new friends but i changed alot. ive herd my mom talk about how my sister tried the hardest out of the kids on our family to hold on to who she really was while goin thrrough jr. high. and how i was the one who just let go.i was glad to hear that. i was glad that i was becomeing different than my sister. 8th grade year was my favorite. i started becoming popular. i started hanging out with guys and goin to the movies just to hang out. but i knew my mom was trying to get me to be more like my sister. "why dont yuu go with yuur girlfriends". well that was the problem. since i had started hanging out with the guys i didnt have any "girl friends" most of the girls at my school didnt like me. i got over it. there was one girl who was there for me through it all though and i am very grateful for that. but it is now summer after my 8th grade year and im going to be a freshman in august. this whole summer i dont think i have had one decent conversation with my mother. one problem is that she doesnt approve of my boyfriend and doesnt want me goin to the movies with him and she wants me to stop goin to the movies with any guys at all. i keep thinking shes thinking that im goin ruin my dads reputation. because even though ive tried so hard to escape being know as who im not im still know as Dr. Wests daughter. and everyone knows me. so she doesnt want me bein seen with a guy like my boyfriend cuz she doesnt want my dads patients to think they've raised such a daughter like that. i havent had any freedom this summer and i feel trapped. ive had to stay home everysingle day this summer to watch my little brother while everyone else in the house works.i havent seen my friends in probably a month and the only human interaction ive had for a while is either fighting with my mom and dad and sister or asking my little brother what he wants for lunch. i hate this feeling that my mom disapproves of me and wants to isolate me from thew world.she has turned off my cell phone because she knows that i was my way of communicating with everyone. im feeling trapped in a box and whenever i try to move it just keeps closing in and it getting smaller and smaller an i feel like im suffocating here and i have no one to talk to because i have no way to talk to anyone. im dyin here and i think ive finally hit rock bottom.

You are a very caring and nice mom!<br />
My mom ..she's a total abuser i can even say that i hate her...all this pain inside my heart.. im not sure if i'll be able to heal it someday..i cant wait to move out from my house...

I don't know what to do... My motet is always making me feel worthless and pathetic... Sometimes, I just want to say stop talking and just hit me ( I hear voices really negative voices that become worst when I'm upset( my mother doesn't know I haven't told her... I'm afraid of her reaction)) some times I loose faith... I was cutting myself because of that but then stopped when my tacher decided I needed help and decided to help me...<br />
You are an amazing mum... I wish my mother told me she loved me rather thatn just 'oh you think you're special do you... Well you're not... Your a useless worthless peice of <br />
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your girls are lucky and I think you're an amazing person.

Thank you so much for this note. My mother used to beat me up when I was a child and now she verbally abuses me, saying the exact same things that your mom has said to you. After being on drugs and experiencing major depression, I swore to myself that I myself will never have children. My mother's mom (my grandmother) has also verbally abused my mother and she grew up thinking that it is normal. My mother never felt that that was "abuse". Reading your story, I see hope. Maybe this cycle can be broken, maybe there is a reason why I should live. Thank you so much again.

i want my dad to be like this. i know this is about mom but i wish my stupid ******* dad knows how kids should be raised<br />
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ur a great mother

you are none of those visious things you are

You're dad got one line of the blame in this story "He drinks alot and can't have me there." You are his daughter, too. He should have been stepping in and helping you escape the abuse.

thanks.... and your mom should not have said that to you. I hope you don't take those kind of comments seriously as they can turn out to define your personality. You have to be you - you were born - your mother did have you - and why? She CHOSE to have you - and that has to say something! Chin up and keep smilin'!!

You are a GREAT mother, my mother told me today that she wished i was more like my brother and that she never even wanted to have me. <br />
she always yells at me for no reason.

You are a GREAT mother, my mother told me today that she wished i was more like my brother and that she never even wanted to have me. <br />
she always yells at me for no reason.

Gwen, you are strong and I know that because you are still here.<br />
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I had many, and I do mean MANY suicide attempts as a child. At least 3 of those times, I should have been dead. God had other plans for me though and I do believe that He needed me here. <br />
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I still go through flashbacks of my abuse, and although I am usually alone when it happens, it's a step in the right direction - to get through it....

I know how you feel...my father used to abuse me and I don't feel he loves and care about me.

Oh Princess, I'm so sorry for you. I can honestly say that you need to stay STRONG! If you don't stay strong, you may not make it through your trials and tribulations with either of them.<br />
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I was weak but one day realized that I had to become a survivor. That's what my foster mom always called me. A survivor. That is what you have to become. <br />
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If you need strength, you can have some of mine... just know that I'm here for you and will help you any way I can... all it takes is a quick email to me... :-)

what do you do when you feel like your mom is purposly trying to emotionaly break you down? i mean for the past 2 years since my grandfather died i have been practically clinically depressed. He mother abused her mentaly and emotionaly. made her feel guilty about money, praised and loved her 3 brothers more than her.etc. it is because of this feud between them that i havent seen my grandmother in 2 years, since the day of the funeral. she sends cards. and twice a year we have a 4 minute thank you for the check conversation. i dont know who i hate more. my grand mother or my mom who makes me feel like there is no on in this world besides my friends i can trust and even then.... i feel like there is no where i can go. i feel trapped in a cage and she has purposely swallowed the key

Vgarcia, 13 is such a tender age... I think for your age that you are fairly mature in the way you write your comment. <br />
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LiLGirl, I so wish I could take you away from your pain. Just know that if you ever want to talk, I am here for you! You too Vgarcia... just email me if you want to talk. I'm not going anywhere..... :-)

I believe your a strong person tell your daughters that they hav a great mom,m and she is phenomenal women I may be 13 but sometimes my mom makes me feel discouraged

my profile says i am 16 to 17 but the truth is im ten...the reason im reading this is becuase my mother is excactlly the same.my mom...no not my mom my mother does not heart me phisiclly but she does mentally,i feel excactly like you...sometimes i think shes not even my mother some times i think that out there in the world is a true woman just like me thats my mom my true mommy out there some where...any ways i can see how u feel. all the pain and suffering and anger all bottled up.i cant even tell my mother how i feel with out her yelling at me.I think that youre daughters are so lucky to have you as there mom ...how i wish you were my mommy...

sweet sweet child. my heart is bledding reading your words . i was just like u when i was 10 . im 41 going to be 42 soon and let me promise u sweet heart it will get better . when i look at my life where i was from and were im now....ITS HEAVENNNNN. i will pray for u . if u need a friend to talk to u please do find that friend in me . love and so much love to you dear child . im a mum and i could never ever say a bad word to my two little girls never . and thats why i wish to say to u . I LOVE YOU COS YOU ARE SO ARE LOVED AND ALWAYS WILL BE . LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU xxx from me and my little family

Congratulations! I'm so proud of you for not living "up" (or in this case "down") to your past!

you are an amazing person i envy you cant wait untill i have kids that i will love.......since i was brought up with a horrible mom.....as well...........all the best

You are a good mommy! I think they are more victims of abuse that do break the cycle. It is something that we also share in common, I make every effort that my children know that they are loved and oh so very special, to me and everyone their lives touch.