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She's a Horrible Woman! (updated apr 2011)

My mom had an abortion before I was born! She's a baby-killer!

She told me "GOD knew you were coming, even though your father didn't..." which means she never wanted me either.

This week she told me that it was true.

(update)
it's been a while since i've looked at this post. after reading all of the comments, my thoughts remain. i still hate my mother. you all made valid (some more than others) points and i respect your opinions, however when i wrote this, i was very young and immature, and i had no idea how much of a history i've had with my mother. most of these memories have been repressed and are very painful, but i soldier on so to speak...

i hate her for abusing me, i hate her for blaming me for the abuse. i cease to see her as family, or as a human being. i was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia last year and went to a lot of counselors and doctors, and through therapy have uncovered that she did a lot of physical things to me as a child, as well as my sister. i was harsh to say she was a baby-killer, because now after doing a little growing up of my own, i understand that its a personal choice, and i let my mothers misguided reign of religion over me give me a false sense of judgement over her. now whenever i see her, she tells me that having paranoid schizophrenia is my fault, and completely ignores the idea that it obviously runs in our family. she said to me, "if i would have known you would end up crazy, i would have never had you." I'm not sure how to feel about this statement.

i will not forgive her for robbing me of an older brother, simply because it's something that doesnt need to be forgiven.

on another hand entirely, i will not forgive her for brainwashing my sister and i, for imposing her mental illness on our lives, for forcing us to live in unsafe conditions and doing unnecessary things to my body. that, i will not forgive.

thank you for your insight.

jokinpa jokinpa 18-21, F 14 Responses Aug 10, 2007

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One thing that is very IMPORTANT:<br />
<br />
BREAK<br />
THE<br />
LINE<br />
OF<br />
ABUSE<br />
!!!

i confided in friends about hating my mother and I was judged. Unless people have been through what you have been through they wont understand. I mean who wants to hate their mother? who wants to have animosity with a permanent person in their life? I had to protect myself from my mother she is a wretch, I never loved her and i never will. she sabotages me and plays these sick mind games. i try mybest just to ignore her but it really gets to me sometimes. I am human and i have feelings after all.

It is good to hear that you have grown to see things in a slightly different light. Your update is incredibly mature.

sorry but i really diasgree with a hell lot of writers<br />
contributing here.<br />
some are misinformed "She is your MOM and will always be there for you"<br />
others will not accept they have horror for parents "tiredof abuse",<br />
its a big responsibity to take keep a child so abort it but it really was<br />
sweet spreading those legs etc etc etc and .... "and at least she probably loves you".<br />
<br />
how have all these people ended up posting for this contributor<br />
who geneuinely wants a validation of how she feels about her mother.<br />
<br />
"SHE IS A HORRIBLE WOMAN", says jokinpa.<br />
<br />
and i totally agree.<br />
<br />
those who think otherwise should provide a better mother!<br />
or shut up

@dirty mind<br />
i wonder why you are dirty minded.<br />
some mothers are crap.saying the truth is<br />
what sets us free.<br />
<br />
too bad if the truth hurts. they should have been<br />
better to earn respect. not on a silver platter.<br />
<br />
but then only those who have been abused <br />
really know the meaning of an abusive rejectful<br />
parent.<br />
<br />
everybody else is in their own self assured cacoons.<br />
carefully and serious prepared for them.<br />
by the almighy.<br />
not everyone is as lucky

That is one of the most ignorant things I've ever heard..I mean, baby killer? C'mon, I went on this thing expected lives really impacted by their mother, since I was feeling down about mine. At least she kept you, and at least she probably loves you. My mother is a religious psychopath and that's probably the only reason she would've kept me..so yeah. It's no reason to hate her, she didn't even know you back then. Cut her a break, I don't really think you should be on here. :S

I am very sorry she said that to you but think of it like this, now you know. My mom shot me and made up stories that my brother did it, she will die long before she ever admits to it. If shed say she did it I could at least have some pity for her. People ask why I haven't killed her, even though she won't admit it I know she isn't worth dieing over or going to jail for. Yours isn't either. She told you she was a low-life and not worth **** when when she admittedto you how she felt, people like that truely only care about themselves. <br />
Anyone who can live as long as you have growing up in a home like that is an extremely strong person even though you may not feel like it and you should be proud of that and that you care enough about those around you that you care how they feel about you. Women like our moms will never know how to love or be loved if they can't even connect with a child of their own blood. <br />
God bless you and stay strong!

At least your mom decided to keep you even though she didn't want to. My mom didn't want to either, and told my aunt she could have me. She was forced to keep me. Everyday of my life, I'm reminded that I was an accident.

You should be easier on your mom about the whole "baby killer" thing. Sometimes people just arn't ready to have kids, it's a huge responsibility and it impacts your life forever. Just picture if you became pregnant and you had no money or any way to support it. It's a sad but sometimes purposful decision. However there is no excuse for her to treat you so horribly, and on that level I feel for you.

My mom can be SOOOOOO annoying sometimes. I hate how moms think they are so funny when they aren't. My mom once got really mad at my father so she cmae up to my face and got really close and screamed about hating me. I thought she was just mad, so when i talked to her later, she said "I hate you! You are stupid and a waste! I hate YOU!" i cried for over a week and still shudder to the memory.

You want your mom to cut you a break. You also need to cut her a break. My mom had a abortion before me too. I think abortion is murder, she doesn't. I don't respect her view for a second. I don't like the way she treats me, but treating my mom badly have never helped. Want to make in-roads with her and make living at home better? Forgive her for being a human being who makes mistakes and try being loving towards her. You don't have to suddenly change all of your behavior, but stop fighting her. I bet you will see a different side of her if you quit trying to have your own way all of the time. Put her before yourself, even if she doesn't put you before herself. Do your chores, do your homework, be respectful. Does she deserve it? It doesn't even matter if she does or she doesn't. You certainly want her to love you, that's clear from what you wrote. You can deny that, but you will only be lying to yourself. You can't "earn" her love, but you can make living together easier, which is a loving thing to do. You can't control her or change her - but you CAN control yourself. You CAN decide not to be hateful and angry. You CAN be more relaxed and easier to be around. <br />
<br />
When you want change in your life, you have to look inside yourself instead of at waiting for others to make the changes for you.

awww there alwyas are ******* mothers <br />
and we re kinda special cuz we didnt commit suicide yet heh? some kids do.... cmon!

she's never been there for me, she doesn't love me!<br />
she's only ever told me what a horrible person i am, i'm going to hell, i'm evil, i'm a waste of life, etc.<br />
<br />
you don't know anything!

How come you hat eyour mom!!<br />
Thats so evil<br />
You can get mad at her but never hate her<br />
She is your MOM and will always be there for you.

Its not your place to tell her whether she can hate her Mom or not! You don't know what she's gone through... so please don't judge her! She had the right to her own feels... and this site is about sharing... and not stopping someone from sharing.. if she hates her Mom.. please respect her feelings and move on!