My mom had an abortion before I was born! She's a baby-killer!
She told me "GOD knew you were coming, even though your father didn't..." which means she never wanted me either.
This week she told me that it was true.
it's been a while since i've looked at this post. after reading all of the comments, my thoughts remain. i still hate my mother. you all made valid (some more than others) points and i respect your opinions, however when i wrote this, i was very young and immature, and i had no idea how much of a history i've had with my mother. most of these memories have been repressed and are very painful, but i soldier on so to speak...
i hate her for abusing me, i hate her for blaming me for the abuse. i cease to see her as family, or as a human being. i was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia last year and went to a lot of counselors and doctors, and through therapy have uncovered that she did a lot of physical things to me as a child, as well as my sister. i was harsh to say she was a baby-killer, because now after doing a little growing up of my own, i understand that its a personal choice, and i let my mothers misguided reign of religion over me give me a false sense of judgement over her. now whenever i see her, she tells me that having paranoid schizophrenia is my fault, and completely ignores the idea that it obviously runs in our family. she said to me, "if i would have known you would end up crazy, i would have never had you." I'm not sure how to feel about this statement.
i will not forgive her for robbing me of an older brother, simply because it's something that doesnt need to be forgiven.
on another hand entirely, i will not forgive her for brainwashing my sister and i, for imposing her mental illness on our lives, for forcing us to live in unsafe conditions and doing unnecessary things to my body. that, i will not forgive.
thank you for your insight.