No contact with my mother for a week now. I prefer when there is no contact. She only contacts me when she wants to take one of my children out.
I am considering stopping this, although it breaks my heart. I want my children to have a grandmother.
My daughter stayed with her over night a week ago and when she came back she rejected her father who she usually is very affectionate with by refusing to cuddle or kiss him.
Later that day she told me I do nothing for her, I'm horrible, I'm not like nana, I don't take her anywhere, only nana does stuff with her. All this is untrue, me and my daughter go out for days together alone without her brothers sometimes, I take them all out together and obviously I provide their day to day needs without fail every day.
It hurts so much to have me daughter come back from my mum like this. My mum is clearly saying things to her to make her like this, usually my daughter is very loving, affectionate and even shows appreciation for things I do.
My dad took my daughter on holiday (and her older brother) abroad for a week and came back the same as when she left so I really don't think it's a case of spoiling because she was spoilt on holiday and came home the same.
I've read about jealous mothers (my therapist pointed out my mother may be a jealous mother) turning their grandchildren against their daughters and it makes me really sad.
I'm finding it difficult to accept that my mother is doing this but it's what I can see happening in front of me. It's still so much easier to ignore it than face it.
My children's dad says he wants to tell my mum she isn't going to see the children anymore. Inside somewhere I know this is the best thing for them and for me but so far I've stopped him.
I've stopped him because it hurts so bad and to actually take the step of stopping her see the children makes it seem much more real.
Why is this situation like this? There isn't even anything for her to be jealous of me about.
She came back with my daughter looking all pleased with herself. How is it possible for a woman to be so vindictive against her own daughter? I'm hurting really bad right now and although I've done my best to ignore this it's been in the back of my head all week.
I've dealt with alot of pain over other people abusing me, over horrible things that have happened to me and I am finding this the hardest, the most incomprehensible and the most painful. I'd tale all the other abuses over again if it meant I would have a decent mum, a caring mum, a mum who mothered me and encouraged me, to stop my mum being a jealous harpy and to be a whole woman - I think that's what it is, she isn't whole. But I have a hole, a mother shaped hole and learning to self mother and love myself has really helped but she is still there in my life reminding me i had no mothering as a child, I had jealousy not love, I had to hide and be small not grow and blossom.
And still I'm left with big decisions, like a a child, responsibilities that no one should have. Who should have to ask themselves whether it's a good idea or not to have your own mother in your childrens lives, no one. But some people do and I'm one of them. I know the answer, I'm not sure if I'm brave enough or strong enough to face that answer and do what I have to do.
paliglass paliglass
36-40, F
3 Responses Sep 2, 2014

Closing this chapter for while might shine light into undestand your needs n your moms needs, non violent communication might help.

I have looked at non violent communication. I also went on a course of non violent resistance training that is about de escalating and communicating in a non violent manner. I barely see her and only see her with other people present. When I look at her what I see is difficult to look at and worse is the thought I could be like her. Most people say I look like my mum but personality is like my dad. My dad is far from a Saint but he's more real.

Well dear you kids are first, your decision is right! My mother was living in my house and my mother try to put my kids against their dad with false accusation and to the point my daughter was getting affected, I told my mother to go and my family is super happy, together, they see grandma with me to a restaurant or out but I will never leave them alone with her anymore, I felt horrible but my decision was right, anytime my mother refers to my husband in bad names I tell her to respect or she will not get respect, what do they think they are doing to our kids is really sick, dear protect your family they are your real fam now.

Thank you for your advice.

I think it's best to restrict them from seeing their grandmother; but the children may have a rough few days- however, if they're still young, they will be fine. If you don't switch, when they are older they may be able to understand and see- but don't count on it.