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My Mom = Selfish Cow

I have hated my mother since I was in grade three. I know it sounds a little harsh for someone to hate their mother when since they were eight but I did and I do.

I started hating her when I took home an extra credit english worksheet. I was to find the noun. Now you might think that's easy now, but i was little and didn't really understand anything. I wa sitting at the dinning room table in a big wooden chair by the table and Mmy mother was trying to help me. After a while she got frusterated and kept screaming 'Fine the Noun! Find the Noun' I told her I didn't know what a noun was and she grabbed my neck and pushed my head to the back of the chair. She got right up to my face and through clenched teeth said one more time 'Find the Noun.' I wanted to cry but i didn't. My step sister was sitting a meter away, playing with my beads, and saw the whole thing. My mother still denies it to this day, but my step sister and I remember, and talk about it everytime I see her.

We have had off and on llittle spats about everything. My mother's insane when it comes to cleaning. For example, I'll have just walked in the door sit down in a livingroom chair and sling my jacket over the arm. I'll get up to go to the bathroom and she'll get mad at me for not haning up my coat in the closet. Or I'll have litteraly just finnished eating something and she'll walk into the room saying why I hadn't put the dishes in the dish washer. And don't get me started on all the crap about my room, even though several times we'd agree that my room is my space, I keep the door closed i can do with it what i please.

One time in grade seven I was to make a family tree, for english class. I did it the long ways and put my grandparents on the bottom, like the roots, and the rest of my family went upwards. It had taken me forever to colour and make look great. I showed it to her so proud of my work and she told me I did it wrong. Took me back  to the small low table I had been working on, ripped all the photos off and gave me a new paper. She put the photos where she wanted them and told be to get started since it was already a day late. I was gonna get up and grab some food and she say I wasn't dont so she pushed me over back down to the table and told me I wasn't done yet. I whispered to myself 'I hate you' and she stormed back into the room saying mockingly 'I hate you. Oh I hate you.' Again I wanted to cry but didn't.

I remember another time she had done something I hadn't liked and so I did something else back. I don't remember what it was exactly but oh well. She wanted me to apologize, but I wanted her to apologize for something aswel. I had dropped something in the kitchen and got a wrag to clean it up. She got right up to be and said 'apologize' and I said 'You apologize fir-' and that was when she slapped me straight across the face. Her boyfriend and best friend sitting in the dinning room right infront of us, where they could clearly see everything. Then she said clean it up, pounting to the thing I had dropped and so I had to bend down, right infront of her to pick it up. I didn't want to because she just stood there hovering over me like I was neeling at her feet and I could see a smug look on her face as I nelt down. When I stood up again she just smiled and walked away back to her friends.

And today: I had been sick for the past two weeks and the v-principal called to talk to my mother about the abssences so she mad an apointment to go see him this morning, we were bother there. The morning before we left she called on of her friends up and said how I'd been skipping classes and just bitching about me to her friend, and I was just upstares so I could hear everything. When we got to the office the V-P said how it wasn't acceptable to be skipping classes and I wanted to say 'but I was sick' but I just couldn't seem to move. My mother said 'oh wel she was sick for the first week' (yeah the first week, I had been sick for both weeks) and they talked about the me whole time like I was some bad kid that had been skipping. I had gotten all of my homework from my friends,I had sure it was spacific; 'what notes did we take today', 'what pages do we read'. Not just 'did we get any homework?' And she knows I did. And through out the entire meeting she just sat there like I had been skipping. The Vic-P put me on this stupid list where they send my mom my attendance very week and she's like 'I think that will really help us get her to school on time' Like I had been SKIPPING. Not SICK, but SKIPPING! And later I had to go back to the V-P's office because I had left my umberella there and that's when I told him 'I was sick for those two weeks and I didn't makesure to be spacific about asking for my homework and I'm caught up in every class but one, and I'm almost there' and that's when he did it. He pulled his arms up and pretended to play a violin. He was mocking me. The V-P! Throughout the whole day I just wanted to cry. And when I got home later today i did. I just balled my eyes out for everything my mother had ever done to me.

When she asked why I was crying I blew up telling all about my day and how I felt like I was being puniched for something I didn't do and she said she'd get me off the list and make everything okay. I started to feel better, but then she said 'and we can get you some sleeping pills so you can get up on time and we'll just limit you computer, and TV time so that it's not such a drestaction.' Like I was being punished again. And she kept saying we'll get you some help don't worry. Like I was sick! Then to top it off she added 'Did something happen when you were at your father's that I should know about?' 

**** I hate me mother. Nothing is ever her fault it's always someone elses and it's always my dad. She's told be she hates lifing with me and I told her I have a place to go. My best friends mom told me to call if anything bad ever goes wrong. So I called my friend to make arrainments to stay at her house and she called my sister, who is 27 and complained about how i was gonna move out. And my sister got mad at me for it. After my mother had just TOLD me to move out. And another time I said 'you want me to move out, fine. I will' she said 'ou really thing any one will want you?'

I hate her so much. Any way, that's all I have to say right now. I just needed a good place to vent.

FluffyMuphin111 FluffyMuphin111 16-17, F 60 Responses Feb 26, 2010

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I totally understand. Im so sorry this happened to you <3

Well,I think too if I'm gonna hate her :'( or love her :'(
She was the best mom I knew in the world and she seem to be mad to me like she;s saying that she like herself to kill me and stab me :'(
When me and my friend had gimmick,I will come 8:00 sometimes just because when I got home,they will tell me bad things and get mad of me :'(

She wasn't the mom I knew.It happened when I liked to save money for funds for me to buy something without their help and saving money for the like in the future I wan't :'( I told my mom for me to work in our own house like I will clean the house.They can do whatever they said like buying dog food where they want to for them to just sit and relax there.Yeah,I know they can do what they want but they will also help me but I'll work and they will just sit there and relax.Even my sisters,they can ask me.Clean the house everyday,feed the many pets.That they gave me.Whatever just not cooking because they will do it.I can just cook hotdogs and eggs like that or anything recipes I know (I'm only 13 years) and she told me that she will make the said amount of fee every monh they give me and it's just like $30. that will turn down to $10 like that and as a kid,I will be that disappointed because it is the said amount and for the future,I won't ask them what I want to buy.....Just because I liked to help them until I cried and explaining to my mom what is my opinion and that . She told me that I'm mad at her!!Then this happens!!She hated me like she wanted herself to kill me and stab me :'( HELP :'(

Omg, I am so sorry for what you have been through. Sure parents can be annoying but it's good your friend's are there for you.

I feel you, and I would comment how I really feel right now, except for the fact that all you would see are little asterisks for the next 300 characters.

I hate my mom too. In fact I hate both of my parents because one is on drugs and then my mom thinks she can hit me and if I accidentally knock something over she would say "WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS" as if I was trying to knock it over. She hits me with and throws hangers and shoes and anything she can find at me. She's also given me a bloody lip and has put hot sauce in my eye and my dad barely does anything about it.

i hate my mom too. i'm in girl scouts and a form was due today and if i didn't hand it in, then i would be in trouble. my mom PROMISED me that she would give it tomorrow (she said that yesterday), but when my girl scouts troop leader called, my mom literally said that she'll just ignore it and call tomorrow, because she wasn't "feeling well." she had a headache. that's it. and that's really selfish of her to ignore a call from my girl scouts, something important to me because of high school and college applications, and it was really important. and she ignored it because she had a headache! but when i do something that will affect her work, she yells at me and hits me! i hate my life and it's so unfair how other people have moms who actually do help them with extra activities and actually care about things important to them. i really wanna tell her how i feel, but i'm scared of her and i dont think that's healthy to be scared of your mom. i hate her and i would do anything for her to actually become a better mother.

you know what? if i can choose my mother, i would choose a different mother. i hate my mother so much, she always thinks that she is right and she wouldn't accept that she is wrong. i love my father but my mother...i really hate her

My mum is just the same today she shouted at me because I told her that she gets all the fun and I don't. Like when she went on a day trip to the beach but she didn't take me. When I said this she started going on about the shopping for shoes trip she took me on. I don't even like shopping.

Wow, and i thought my mum was bad! But compared to this i bet you would love to swap any day!! And hang in there. I feel so bad for you!

if your mum ever hits you hard and leaves a mark after 24 hours then it's child abuse. Seek help as it's against the law. Call child line

I hope everything goes fine to u now buddy...I wish u all d best...hmm my mom is one of a kind as well "selfish"....Not all mothets can simply be worshiped for giving birth to babies...they have a lot more to do in order to deserve the love of their children!

Learn how to spell... You seem like 16 or 17. God....

You insesitive ding dong!!!! Thus poor girl is going through a really touch time and all you can say is learn yo spell!!!

Same goes for u stop being mean

Don't be mean think about every thing she's been through and ur moaning about her spelling what if u had gone through what she did would u like it if someone was mean to u because of her spelling

My mother is just like that, except she doesnt hurt me. only when shes really angry. She wont leave my stuff alone and nothing is ever her or my sisters fault. I know how you feel. Theres nothing wrong with anything else in my life, except her stupid personality. Like c'mon. Why are they like this?

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My Mum sounds the exact same. I'm 22 now & I can remember beatings, being force fed if I didnt like something she made, sarcastic responses etc. I remember this because it hasnt been that long since last beating/bad unnecessary mood & i'm in my twenties!! My Dad is the best man I know but he was scared of my Mum, no one in her family likes her but they're scared too - have heard stories from her childhood & have promised not to tell her that me & my Dad know as if we do she'll know her sister told us.....My Dad knew how she treated me & my brother and sister & never did anything to stop her but whenever she turned on him - refusing to speak, sarcastic comments, verbally attacking his family etc, he would encourage us to stand up for him which irritated me to no end! I've moved to England now & am living with my fiance who's in the Army and so is away & working a lot & today is the day before she flies back home (will have been here for a week this time round). Usually she only comes for a few days, this will have been her third visit, second by herself (my Dad came over with her once) & whilst we've had a few tense moments, it's only today - when my fiance is at work - that we've properly fought. So angry with her all the time, she's lovely to my fiance, i've told him stories & he thinks i'm exaggerating as he's never witnessed it although my sister the same now (havent spoken in almost/just over 3 years) & he witnessed her behaviour. My Mum's behaviour is slightly worse because you never know what kind of mood she'll be in, whilst my sister is always a b*tch. Both my parents work in mental health & we think my Mum has some kind of disorder but she'll refuse to go & get checked for anything & whenever I ask my Dad why he never did anything in the past, he says that no one would have believed him & he, as a man, would have gotten a bad name for turning his wife in to a Mental Hospital (as she's lovely & quite popular in work too!) She has never behaved the way she REALLY is in front of her friends like yours has, though she has in front of my friends & our immediate family. I actually do hate her and my sister & I know it's an awful thing to admit & an awful thing to feel but I think my family would be much better off if it were just me, my Dad & brother.

OMG. This comment scares me so much.

I just turned 18 a couple months ago. My mom has always been crazy. I remember when I was little, she pulled me into my room, opened my drawers, and started throwing my clothes ALL OVER my room. I was a little girl and I was scared, so naturally I started crying and ran to Daddy in his man cave. I explicitly remember him saying, "Maybe she's going through menopause." I asked what that was and he said, "I don't really know. Let's google it." My dad is the greatest.

Basically she's been pulling that crazy stuff for forever. My dad constantly has to separate us because we just scream at each other. My mother alllllwaaaayyyyssss has something bitchy and rude and sarcastic to say. Always.

In December, my best friend became homeless (due to a restraining order. It's not like she just decided to move out.) My mom agreed to take her in.

Note: My mom doesn't like ANY female friends I have. Never has. And she thinks other people are disgusting and have, like fleas or something. Idk. She just hates people, especially girls.

So it was kinda weird that she agreed. However, things are BAD. My friend is just here for a couple more months until graduation, but my friend can barely handle all the emotional strain my mom is putting her through.
My mom doesn't let me talk to her or hang out with her around the house. She attempts to go through her stuff, (much like she does mine. Always has.) tries to break her computer locks, always tries to catch her in a lie, screams at her for minor accidents around the house, and decides to put me through the emotional stress of telling me everything that's wrong with my friend. Not to mention, whenever my friends around, she (recently) acts like the perfect mother towards me. Just to prove some sort of convoluted point.

She says my friend needs therapy, but my dad, my friend, and I have all decided she is the crazy one. She's flat out mean. No human being should ever be this mean!!!

Now take everything she does to my friend and multiply it by 3. That's what she does to me. Keep in mind I'm a straight-A high school student. I'm in plenty of groups and honor societies. And I've been accepted into every college I applied for. She thinks that she has a right to call me stupid, idiotic, immature, and even, yes, slow. Like mentally slow. Do you use logic when you're being mean, or do you just say random things?

Stupid things here and there over the years have driven me out. Your comment scares me because you're twenty-two! I'm eighteen and I personally thought my mom would be out of my life when I go off to college in the fall. Is this really going to follow me into my adulthood? I was planning on attempting to break ties to her off.
I know one things for sure, I'm totally going to miss my dad when I leave for college.

i also experience beatings from my mother when i was younger. she used to bash my head to the wall whenever id don't want to sleep in the afternoon..she also give her mother lots and lots of money even our family has nothing to eat anymore

I love My Mother she is the best and kindest women in the world If you really want a very calm and happy life, with no fear or worries Islam(peace) The religion of Love... Happiness ... Mercy ... Warm Hearted Religion! I am really trying to help you because as I read your story I really feel bad for you May God protect you from all harm! =)

Wait, it's also the religion of terrorism, right?

Yes.

Please do not ignore the fact that over 75% of terrorist attacks were from religious muslims.

Oh be quiet

Oh man. That is really tough. You know, I can't imagine the stuff you have gone through. I am terribly sorry. Yet you survived, and judging by how you caught up on your school work when you were sick, you are really motivated. You thrived despite all the BS you had to deal with. There is a big world out there out of your mom's house, so please don't give up on people just yet. And don't give up on your future. I wish you all the best. Your school VP sounds like a real *******, and I hope one day he gets what he deserves. In the meantime be resilient and kind. Be kind because you know how it feels to be hurt, so you should be kind to other people. Anyway, I got into a fight with my mother too, but it's no where as bad as yours. I sincerely hope one day you may come to terms with your mother and truly get the motherly love that you clearly deserve. You are brave. Keep going.

S00000 many selfish mothers in the world. You've got to hang in there, get a job, save some money (don't tell her about your savings or she might find a way to get it off you) and get the hell away from her. And NEVER live with her again, even in the future when she's old and you feel sorry for her. They stay the same.

God I hate my mom i really hate both my parents yelling at me making me do work trying to make a nerd again I really like being a delinquent

My mom makes me do a sport even though I am in plenty good shape

fist fights with me

my mother has been in fist fights and has stabed my with forks

I hate my mom too. Hypocrite, low-life, no value in the world.

hi that is horrible that your own mother would do that, my mam is selfish and thinks about her self she used to beat me up all time when i was younger i can remember she use to lock me in my bedroom for hours n bringing loads of differant men to house and drinking, i felt so loney and wanted to die at that point i need toilet i was screaming for her to let me out but she never answered me all i could here was music turning up so i eventually wet my sen. when i was 12 she bashed my head with the tv controller and saying that i wish you was never born you ugly cow, i had lumps and sratches down my neck and face it was horrible am 25 now and iv been thinking about my past everyday i even get nightmares still thing is i just want answers but all she says go **** your self. i think if you get answers your mind will be in a better place i dont think your mother will never know how much shes hurt you untill you tell her or have it out... hope all off you people is ok and keep stong

Hi, this is so upsetting to read. Its just like my life, im 12 in April and my mum and dad separated when I was 4. Everything was fine until she got with this man and had a baby with him, he left during the pregnancy and he's took her to court saying that he wants to be on the birth certificate. All mum ever goes on about is him, its like hes taken over my life!! My sister never sleeps so she is screaming all the time and mum blames everything on me, even at the littlest of things like 'go and put the bins out' The other day she was planning for the court case and said can you get these two pictures saved please with the dates on. So I said its not hard (sarcasticly then laughing) just press print screen and I said I was going to go upstairs. She grabbed me and said JUST DO IT NOW! So I said that it feels like he was my dad and that I hated him and I was just about to do it when she slapped me, she slapped me right on my hip then shouted right in my face IM GETTING SICK OF YOU so I said stop it hurts and she then screamed, YOUR GOING TO MOVE TO YOUR DADS SOON so I ran upstairs. This has happened loads and it happens with loads of people but abuse is the worst, im already trying to get a job and save up for a mortgage so I can move out, even if my nan has to buy it and get the mortgage for me I pay her and then I live there. My friend suffers the same and said we should both move into a little cheap flat when were a bit older like 15.
Babe, plan a head and just get out of your Mums way, stay in your room more, or sleep at friends, it really gets you out of everything and into a nice non-abusive world!
Hope I helped.
Livi!xo

I know exactly about having a SELFISH, RUDE mother. My mother only thinks about herself and her own problems but whines at me continuously. She drove my dad crazy for years about all kinds of different issues, most of them all in her head. He passed away in early 2011 from emphysema as they were both HEAVY smokers. I know that her marriage to him was "DIFFICULT" to say the least but she has her ISSUES also. Ever since I got married and had a family of my own, she does NOTHING to help with anything but expects my husband and I to CATER anything and everything that she needs in life. It got so annoying that 8 years ago we finally moved away and now live in a different city from her. This is how bad it got. My poor sister still lives 1 hour away and suffered the same troubles that I did with her but luckily she has two jobs and doesn't have much free time to visit her. My brother on the other hand just "CATERS" to her every WHIM but he lives with her and lives off of her MONEY, get my drift? Now that we live in another city, she drives us crazy weekly with annoying phone calls again whining about everything that isn't right in her life but refuses to take charge of herself, has' NEVER" worked outside the home which we believe is part of the problem. My dad had a great job and she was lucky enough to be able to stay-at-home all those years. The problem we believe for her is "BOREDOM" as we are all grown, my sister and I have our own families and she doesn't have enough to occupy her time.

I am curious: why were you out sick for 2 whole weeks? I am not trying to dismiss the immature way the principal handled this, but it IS a long time to be out of school.
Did you have pneumonia? Did you have mono? Strep throat? Something like that?
Have you ever seen Ferris Bueller's Day Off? This is a movie from my youth that is way before your time but it would not surprise me if your principal is making his judgment calls on what is going on by movies like this, probably from his own teen yrs.
Try not to take it personally. He deals with different types of kids, and many of them pull a lot of B.S. on him. He's probably not trying to be such a jerk to a good kid.
When I was a teen, a student was out sick from school for a day, maybe 2, unless the illness was quite serious. Hence, this is why the principal in the movie makes such a big deal over Ferris missing school a total of "9 times". Both the mother and the school principal find that total to be a lot. 2 weeks would add up to 10 days absent, all at once.
Since your mom won't own up to you being sick for both of those weeks, that is why the principal does not believe you. Your mom probably let you stay home to get the rest you needed, and then later she's regretting that because the principal is letting her know that length of absence is unusual. Your mother should own up & admit she let you take those days off. But that could be why she is now pretending she did not give you permission.
Stress to her how important it is to you that she admit she gave you permission. You want to keep your track record clean with the school.
Regarding some of the previous stuff; yeah, I guess a kid refuses to apologize to their mother and does not expect to be slapped for it. My mom certainly would have slapped me for arguing/ talking back, but I grew up during a time when that was normal.

Hey my mum being a pain in the *** too. it happens to everyone, my mum used to constantly hit me, i'm still mad at her, that was years and years ago.
A couple of days ago, we had an arguement and i litterally ran away.
Now she's nagging at me about school work -during the HOLIDAYS- and says she'll ground me. like, the hell? I didnt do anything to her.
But what i do when i'm mad, i lock myself in my room, listen to my music, if i'm severaly pissed then i go for a bike ride, a walk, a run.
that doesnt make everything better, but it helps.
Sorry about you're situation.

You might want to calm down a bit. Im not saying what your mom did was good. The SAME thing happenes to me. They think they are ******* cool, but aren't. You just got to prove that you are who you are. Read a book called Chinese Cinderella. Its about a girl who is unwanted. But she gets to become a doctor. But somebody loves you in your family. Just find out who is it.

i never post comments or am rude to people for no reason but you wouldnt know what a bad mother was big deal you got fought with for not hanging your coat up you sound like the kind of person who creates reasons to feel sorry for yourself if these are the reasons you hate your mother then i feel sorry for you my mother is a drug attic my grandparents had to raise because she was couldnt and i didnt have a father he died when i was weeks old she has been embarrassing me since as long as i can remember i needed her and she wasnt there she has been in jail and rehab repeatedly i have a child she has never even seen now thats a bad mother your mother might be strict she might be annoying but from reading your story she was not a bad mother i would gladly trade places with you you have no idea the things i witnessed growing i remember in first grade my mother was supposed to pick me up from school but decided to steal prescription pads from a doctors office and write herself perscriptions and got arrested i sat outside of my school till it was dark out so dont hate someone because they wanted you to apologize for spilling something in the kitchen i cant believe a grown adult wrote this it sounds like a 10 year old girl that has alot to learn

I hope you realise I only made an account to reply to you. Until I got out a few months ago and moved in with my sister, my mum was abusive to me. You're saying to the person who wrote this that they don't know what a bad mother is, they do. Just because your mum was worse doesn't give you any right to tell somebody else they don't know what a bad mother is. It's pathetic. If your life was truly worse than theirs, you wouldn't try and brush off their problems, you'd try and help the person who wrote this. I don't care if this offends you. You're pathetic.

Hey, i really pity you by the way. Your life must have been hard. And now i pity your child even more so. You are dangerous if you think her mother is simply very strict. She has been courageous enough to post her story, and yet you belittle the abuse she has suffered under her mother. Here is the sad truth for you. You dont need to know poverty to have a bad mother. And you know i'm terrible for saying this but there are many people out there suffering, children, who wish their mothers are dysfunctional without involving them. You are entitled to your i hate my mother speech but please rememeber that yours isnt the saddest story. Has she ever hit you? Or sad hurtful stuff to you? If no, then you clearly had it easy. There are plenty of drug addicted mums who physically and emotionally abuse and scar their children. I'd be a b- to say this but you got off easy. So f off and i hope your children will never suffer under you. Peace.

I'm 43 and had just had a falling out with my mother.At first i use to feel sorry for her being in a domestic-violent home for 22 years.She had the choice to leave as we as kids wanted to as well.She chose to stay and take further abuse as well as us kids.At fifteen I ran way to live with an aunt.I ended up going back home because my aunt wanted money for providing for me even though I had a job at burger king,my mom didn't want to pay her...........My Mother loves her money!!!!When I became 18,my mother never stopped my father from taking me to get married off against my will,to some 21 yr old I never even met,nor did she stop my grandmother from raising her one and only son!As an adult I have divorced that guy and remarried and have one son,who I would do anything for.My younger sister has 6 children who my Mom hasn't even seen since they were babies,she wanted pictures,yet they came to visit me for christmas and I called her to see if she was home to take the grandchildren to visit,and all she could say was "don't bring them here"...She finally left my father after we were all out of the house,and the most disturbing reason she was because her mother-in-law needed care and was moving in.She met this older lady at bingo,who had some money,and decided she was gonna spend all her time taking care of her as she had cancer,when the old lady put my mom on her bank account she'd call me to say what had happened and that the old lady eventually went into the hospital and never came back out.The lady also had a will and everything was left to someone else:)My mom called to say she wouldn't be getting anything after all the work she did for her,cleaning her house,spending most days at the hospital.When her own mother was passing she spent all day in the hospital and then bitched how none of her 7 siblings were there to help out,and again she didn't get anything but her mothers blanket.ugh!So recently I called to check up on her as she herself had a minor stroke about 3 yrs ago,and I work midnights,and all she said to me was "you calling to find out if I'm dead to see what you can get?????I'm so fed up with her and money issues.What mother asks their child to let them know when the father dies so she can get the money????What Grandmother tosses her flesh and blood aside but can sit and color with her neighbours grand daughters?I so want to write her a letter that would make her hurt,instead I came here to vent.She's unbelievable everything is always about money.On her 60th birthday I bought her 60 carnations her favorite had them delivered to the bingo hall I was treating her to,and instead of saying thank you,I got"your an *******".

As a mom myself my son recently asked to move back in he's 22,and I had no hesitation,regardless whether my husband liked the fact we were alone.Further more if my husband ever tried to lay a hand on my child,I would intervene,if not take the hit myself,and I allow my son to choose his relationships and either learn or grow from them.So while my mom never physically abused me the emotional and verbal abuse stay with me for along time.I learned from my mother not to be the way she is.And I'm seriously considering cutting off all ties to her.

I just cut ties with my "mother" yesterday. I hadn't spoke to her in a couple of years and everybody kept saying,"But she is your Mother. You need to talk to her." Bullshit! She's a selfish ***** and she has hurt me for the last time! Unless people have lived in your shoes they have NO IDEA and should STFU about what you should do! No one should have to put up with emotional vampires!

Just because someone is in your family or your mother does not mean you should HAVE to be in touch with them. We have a choice as human beings who we want to choose to invest our time in.

Some friends may treat you nicer than your mom or parents ever did. What silly logic to say just because they are your family you should talk to them. What if they abused you?

also another thing for this forum.. please don't compare problems.. example: "no my mother is WAY worse" it's just not fair to the poster and judging/comparing doesn't really help anyone.

My mother is the same way -.-

this sounds just like my mother..
she's pretty much destroying my relationship with my long-term boyfriend..

my advice is to not have any contact with her - move out and explore life on your own.. you'll realize that not everyone is like your mom and that you can trust people and feel happy.. remember that NO ONE automatically deserves respect but that it needs to be earned.

Wow that almost sounds like my mom.
Not trying to change your ways or anything but no matter how fu**ed up she is, you will one day grow up and move out.
So i say you try hard to stand all her *crap until the day comes for you to move out you can slam everything she did to you in her face.
And that will probably make her realize that you dont want her in your life.
And probably will never ask anything from you.

My mum is a real ***** too she always has been and my whole family thinks so and she has like depression and stuff but shes such a ***** she disagrees with her docters and everyone else around her when they tell her she is mentally ill and needs to sort herself out and she refuses to take her persc<x>ription tablets that are made to calm her down. <br />
<br />
The other week we had a massive argument and in tears i ended up telling her everything that i had done because i was so upset about her ruining my life and the things i had do e are bad as an adult but worse for me to do them because i am only 12, things like; smoking, drinking, drug abuse, fighting and self inflicting pain on myself and also attempts at suicide. I dont know what im going to do with the rest of my life because at this rate if im honest i dont even want to live it.<br />
<br />
Anyone else who feels upset about anything similar i just want to say i know how you feel and i hope your life gets better through time.<br />
<br />
Thanks to anyone who has stopped to read this, and i hope you all have a nice day :)

NEVER GIVE UP!

Dear Fluffymuffin,<br />
So sorry that you are having to undergo all this. It is apparent with the way that your mom behaves with you that she has issues that she needs to work on. Unfortunately, she is venting her frustrations out on you and using you as her punching bag instead of seeking help. Hope things have gotten better since the time you posted your experince. If not, try the smart approach with her rather than the emotional one. I know it's easier said than done, as one can't be void of emotions when it comes to their very own mother, but try anyway. Don't enable her. Ignore her petty opinions about you. It takes two to tango. Her opinions would matter to you only if you knew that she loves you and only wants what is best for you. Even then, she needs to grow up as a mom and find a mature way to get you to understand her in case she thinks you are wrong. It will get much better once you finish your studies, get a job and move out. Take special care not to let the memories of your mom's abuse cloud your judgements about decisions regarding you life partner in future. It is sometimes possible that we cling to the very first person who is kind to us when we have been through a tough childhood. You need to exercise caution to stop thinking like a victim during that time and think intelligently.<br />
You deserve all the good things in life. You have been patient and that is a good thing. Pat yourself in the back for the patience you have exercised. It's always good to have friends you can speak to and with whom you can have fun and lighten your moods so that you have the strength to face the challenges that life throws at you.<br />
Take care.

No affence but this will probably make her feel more bad than she is feeling right now.
She will feel more rage against her mom.

I know my mother tries her best to help me become a better person. She says she wants me to happy, successful and able to have things for myself but I don't believe her. I guess that begins with me. From what I've read all teens have a messy room. It's normal to me. I know I should clean up after myself more often and put more effort into the good things but it's hard for me. I love my mom & we used to be close. We could sit in the room watching TV for hours & not task but have an understanding. My parents have always had a rocky relationship.<br />
<br />
Soon after they split up. I was In the 8th grade when my dad finally left. I didn't cry because I was more angry then anything & bottled up. I started to skip school & giving up. I had to do summer school & soon a pattern started that I couldn't complete what I have started. I have been teased from 1st grade up until I dropped out of school. The first 2 years I didn't give a crap... Then the following 2 I was doing great in school. I only repeated 9th grade & left school as a junior after being wrongfully arrested & instead of fighting. I gave up, again. I'm truthfully scared of being on my own. My mom started dating when I started sophomore year... I feel like she stopped caring because she didn't want to be alone... She wanted a bf. So she started doing things for them she never did that I know of for my dad. I feel like she started putting them first. She moved us from new York to the trashy horrible place Atlanta Georgia. A month after her boyfriend moved here. She ignores me when I need advice, she let's her bf jump into my business after I asked her not to let him. She constantly forgets about me... For example today she forgot to leave me money to put in my job applications. She helped her bf get his license & I'm 18 still without one after asking for help this past year. I really just need people to talk to ... I have no ambition to continue life since my moms bf left & they both blame me.

i cant believe their are people on here sayin "my mums worse than you mum" GET A GRIP! we are here to support each other, not compare whos got it worse!!<br />
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my darling what you need to remember that what you are going through is NOT NORMAL!!!!! it is bullying, mental torture and her actions will screw your life up if you carry on like this.<br />
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ignore them that are sayin their mums are worse koz they kud b twice as strong minded as u i can cope with a crap upbringing better than u can. its all down to hormones, depression and self loathing.<br />
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u need to be around friends<br />
<br />
its a start at least, get a good group of friends and be with them as much as you can, u will get your confidence high and you will start to feel a strength in you allowing you to lead you own life.<br />
<br />
i went through very similur mental torture with my mum, and she still does it now even though im 23, married and I have a little girl!! i want another baby with my husband and i darent koz im scared what she will say/do. REDICULOUS RIGHT?? however im not at home with her now, havent been since i was 17 got out of that house ASAP, we have a decent relationship now simply because when she a pain in the *** I can ignore her few a few weeks :)<br />
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good luck darling xxxxx

It's really sad when parents behave thoughtlessly towards their kids because we kids never forget. It's not like we can erase those toxic moments or dysfunctional thoughts from our minds. I remember my mother always favouring my brother and sister before me and then picking on me for things - I was the youngest. Then my sister became a back-biter and has interferred in my relationship with my mother for the remainder of my life. The result is that I never speak to my mother, my children don't speak to her either and she has not met my grandchildren. The only person who has lost out is my Mum because she's always been too self-rightous to see the legacy of her actions towards me as a child. The lesson is - I will never do to my children or grandchildren what my mother did to me.

So I'm finally old enough to move out and that's exactly what I'm doing come this August. I'm so excited. My mother has calmed down is the physical sense, but she's still very emotionally brutal. Though I will soon be out of the house and with people who love me for me. To anyone who's in the same boat as me, I've got a bit of advice. <br />
Just try to hold on. Reach to your friends and family for support and try to stick it out. It'll be better to move out on good terms with her than to just up and leave via law enforcement. I have a friend who took the police route and she misses her mom every day.<br />
Though she can be crazy you know you love her. I know I do. So just try and stick it out. Be strong.<br />
It may not work for others but it worked for me and now I have a wonderful life, I can still see my mother without being bitter about it and I couldn't be happier.

Im realy sorry about you, im in the same situation, but unlike you I dont know what to do,.im only fourteen

After reading all of the above, this makes me realise how grateful I should be, my mother may not do everything I believe to be right, but we must not forget, afterall heaven lies underneath our mothers feet. It is tough, especially when you face embarrassing and heart-breaking situations. Patience has a limit, I hardly talk to my mother, as she is annoying at times, but I guess we all should understand their perspective of becoming old and wanting us to progress in life by punishments, by abuse, as children we must understand that our mother's will not always be there, she will be taken away one day. I do not understand how some of the posters can live away from their mother, during the time when they need you the most. Do you believe this makes you a better person?

i know how you feel

I'm writing to express some things from a mother's point of view. My 14-year-old son tells me all the time that he hates me. I'm not a selfish mother but I am a very frustrated mother. I'm a stay-at-home mom and I love my kids more than life itself. I take them places, spend quality time with them, they're well fed, doing great in school and have lots of friends. I give them freedom but I DO expect them to do their chores, treat me with respect and adhere to general rules like bedtime, brushing teeth, hanging clothes up, bikes put away, etc. My 14-year-old wants no rules and wants me to do everything for him.<br />
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He is the controlling one and he wants to do what he wants, when he wants. He doesn't do his chores in a timely manner, disrespects me verbally, purposely annoys his siblings and never says "thank you" or "I'm sorry." Yes, I scream and yes, I punish. Sometimes kids just want their own way and don't realize that moms are here to teach right from wrong and to make our kids self-sufficient by making them do things around the house so that when we're gone, they will be OK and know how to live a productive life. That is our job. Some kids don't realize this and take any kind of parenting or discipline as "control."<br />
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I don't agree with some of the things your moms have done. There's no excuse for abuse but sometimes extreme frustration causes parents to act somewhat irrationally (we're only human, too). I would never tear pictures off of a poster my child made but I would point out if it were backwards, in a gentle way. Although that mom was very harsh, I'm sure her intention was to teach her child the right way to do something. If your parents don't teach you, life will and it's not so pleasant when life does it to you. The simple truth is life is harsh and even though our politically correct society has gone to any-child-should-be-on-the-soccer-team-even-if-they-suck, real life doesn't work that way. The cream of the crop rises to the top and the ones who suck are left in the dust. Most moms want their kids to succeed and be happy, compassionate, fulfilled adults. Sometimes we just don't have the amount of patience that some kids require, especially if we're really tired or having other problems to deal with. No child deserves abuse but please keep in mind that your mom's mood/behavior is often dependent on your behavior. Kids who listen, respect their parents and others, and help out have very happy moms.<br />
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A daily hug and a "thank-you, mom" or an "I love you, mom" goes a LONG way. :)

Thanks for giving us a mom's perspective. I got along very well with my own mother. However, I had just been saved from a very abusive, always angry father when I went to live with her.
I probably appreciated her more during my teen years than most of my friends did their mothers, because I knew no matter what she did she was way better than living with my dad.

I don't really get on with my mum but now whenever she shouts at me I just laugh at her it's my way of dealing with it and it seems to work. Anyway I'm 18 now so when I have enough money I can move out, I just feel sorry for my brother who'll be stuck there for a few more years.<br />
If your mum's anything like mine she probably doesn't even know the damage she's doing and will probably not realise even if you tell her. I just kept telling myself that I'm better than her and now I mock her when she tries to shout at me. It might make me a bit arrogant but I don't want someone like my mum having control over me.<br />
I hope you find a way of coping with it too hang in there :)

I had to add a comment! I'm just so relieved that other people out there are feeling the same emotions and hurt that I'm feeling! Sometimes its just unbearable, and I wish my mother would rot in hell..its always about her, she has to be the centre of attention and call up all her friends to ***** about me..she even threatened to hire people to break my boyfriend's legs because she doesn't like him! I've been living in fear of her and I feel suffocated..but I'm going to take on the advice that others have written..and I think you should too..just be strong, get a job and when you have enough money move out, that way you can take control of your own life!! Good luck and God Bless xox

Forcing you to take medicine is illegal. Please contact the police if this is really the case.<br />
<br />
I can relate to most of the above: the beatings (with ob<x>jects), seemingly real, believable threats on my life (once aged 4 and again aged 8), being kicked out of home, aged 16, persecution of my father during and after divorce, using me as a bartering tool in the financial settling of the divorce, belittling, continuous,shocking,cutting critisism on personality, intelligence, reading ability, ability in maths, my face, hair, body, fat,habits, values, name calling (handicapped, spastic, retard, silly *****, prostitute) my friends, my skin tone, my eye colour, you name it!<br />
<br />
When you grow up and leave home, you then have to explain to 'normal people' why you don't want to go 'home' for Christmas, people never take you seriously and you have the baggage of low self esteem to carry-still not figured out how to get rid of mine.<br />
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I managed, after a lot of hard work on my part, to reach a peaceful place. This treaty is as delicate as North/South Korea and it flares up from time to time. <br />
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For now, try this simple technique: Just say 'yes'<br />
<br />
Mum: Your rooms a mess!<br />
You: Yes<br />
<br />
Mum: You're an idiot!<br />
You: Yes<br />
<br />
Try not to be lead into battles, but keep eye contact. The less you say, the better.<br />
<br />
An effective tool is independence. You need to make a strategic, long term plan to get as far away as possible (I ended up 2 continents away) and you need to stay away for a cooling off period. When YOU are ready, you can make contact, but stay in control. Don't give out all your phone numbers, use email. Only be contactable when it suits YOU! As trust builds you can slowly decide when to give out more information.<br />
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I stated what I was doing clearly "you hurt me a lot and if you continue, you will never see me again I am going away...to Japan and I'm not coming back" Of course your plan has to be both water proof and genuine and you have to be on your way as empty threats mean nothing. My tickets were booked and I had a job offer. I went for years but came back to visit.<br />
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Email is great.<br />
<br />
When replying to an email from one of these mums try this:<br />
<br />
Read through her email and delete all of the emotional blackmail, negative comments, critisism and anything you don't like the look of. Only respond to the positive parts, in a positive way, if there are none, delete the email and don't respond. Another one will surely follow.<br />
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Most importantly, find out why your mum behaves in this way. Mine comes from a very tough, abusive background. While it certainly doesn't justify real physical violence, emotional violence or neglect, it helps you to accept what's going on and feel stronger.<br />
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Get yourself - force yourself to learn something boring like accountancy so that you will never be out of work- that way there is no danger of having to ask her for help! Once she sees that you have power and control over your life, she will start to respect you..maybe she'll develop hypochondria to get your attention!<br />
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I hope that one day, you will find the strength to be compasionate and forgiving. It's worth a try.

my mom is a selfish cow too. i want to send her to hell. the **** they do is so damaging and they dont even know it. my mom blames everyone else too except herself even though everything is her fault. she blames my dad for everything. i want her to know what a ******* piece of **** she is.

I understand completely and its hard to deal with a parent like this. The whole house feels like their walking on egg shells and nobody spends any time with her anymore because nobody wants to be around her. My sister and I go about our business now that were older but in a couple years we will move out. Honestly, alot of people criticized me because they thought I would joke around with them when I say how impossible it is to get along with my mother. And they make it seem like youre being dramatic. But honestly, the only thing you could do now, is to deal with it. Don't change what youre doing because if you feed into it, you think it will stop. But then one day, the criticism, provoking, abuse will start up again. Just deal with it if possible and use it as your motivation to get out as soon as possible. Once you can stand on your own two just see youre mother once or twice a year after that. Everyone is right, it doesnt get easier and if you decided to leave now it may not be the best idea because youre not established yet. I'm just surprised how strong willed my dad is for staying with her.

Unfortunately it does not get any easier. I am 33 years old. My mother is selfish and her behavior self serving, Its all about her and her needs. She comes first. After all she has been through, after my father walked out on her and left her penniless. The reality is that none of this is completely true nor the fault of anyone but my mother. My father could not take any more. At the time I was angry at the way he left, but now I understand why he did it the way he did. My mother had said on a number of occasions during arguments, where my father had threatened to leave, that if he did so, she would call the police and have him charged with assault, and that when he returned she would have the bruises to prove it. The reality is that my fathers occupation was in a position of authority and my mum knew this and played on it. My father stayed for the sake of my sister and I. Years later when my father did finally leave, she used emotional blackmail to con my father during the divorce proceedings out of the family home which he had worked hard for. My mothers contribution was effectively a drop in the ocean. Unsatisfied she pursued my father for half of his pension too (although he retained this in the end) She claimed it was her family home, turned on the waterworks and used me and my sister as leverage in that I apparently needed a place to live when I returned from university (not true) My mother got the house after my father gave it up to her. My sister who had a baby at the time was looking for a place to live and being a single mum could not afford much. My mother refused to lower the rent enough for my sister to live in the family home. She ended up living in a grotty block of flats. A year or so later, she had sold the house and was using the money to fund a lavish lifestyle of holidays etc. I could go on but I'll leave it here.

My mum is a complete ***** all she does is moan and moan my mum and dad split up when i was three and alot of **** happend my mum has a birth mark above her eye everyone says that she put make up on it and said my dad punched her. She made it so bad for him to live in this town he now is moved out and lives in aberdeen. I still dont no the full story and im 14 now i have to share a room with my little sister whos 4 And are room needs decorated badly i always tell my mum what i want my room to be like but shes always like"well its not just your room its ali's aswell so my room is going to look gay i can just tell. And another thing my mum always sticks up for her ***** of a friend or her boy friend over me even if she knows im right she just really annoys me. Right now my big sister and my neice is living with me and my neice is 3 my mums always moaning at me on how messy my room is but how can i tidy it they little bratz get into everything i have to high shelves or drawers to put anything on but she still moans i always say how the **** am i suppost to tidy this mess and shes like well i can do it and im just like no u cant u havent tidied my room since i was like 5 she really hates drinking so i just come homw drunk pretty much every friday and sometimes saturdays i make the house hell for her as she has being doing to me it sounds horrible but theres really nuthing else i can do

my mom always slaps me even when i don't do anything, if im late she hits me in the face, if i skip 1 day of school, she gets the belt and her high heels and beats the living **** out of me!

I feel so sorry that this is the case. My mum is an evil selfish and jealous cow. My mother thre me out when I was 18 because i stayed out till 2 in the morning. She says that it's my fault that I ended up married and had children to the man thatr then left me. It was definitely partly her fault, she will cause a fight when you feel down just like someone kicking a dog when its down. To me that is not normal behaviour, if you love your children why would you do this. My mum and dad dont get along an by my reckoning, my mum is jealous of me. She is jealous that I don't and have not put up with any man that's a bastard. Where she has, all of her life.<br />
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I once saw a psychologist and thought he was gonna tell me any problems I was having were due to my marriage break up and that fact that my husband stole my kids. But he said it was to do with my parents. The advice I got was to stay away from tehm and prove to myself that I could manage myself. It was a fabulous thing to do because, although we now speak, I know that i don't need them. My mum is still a cow though and I dont think she has a maternal bone in her body. She's a fecking weirdo. So, i am breaking the cycle, me and my children are fine and that throwing your kids out stuff will not be happening in my house. Take care and keep yourself sane. Tell yourself it's not you. One day you will stand on yopur own two feet and then you can live life your way. Good luck to you and keep your chin up. xx

same here... my mom is a selfish cow....it is all about her, she using her children, just for her pride... <br />
she is desperately trying to get people attention to give her Honor or pride, this is why she always telling story about she always right that she is the victim, that she is winning over the gossip, and she is winning over bad people at the office, well........when i grew up the 'bad' people is only human, she always dramatize everything. It is okay dramatize everything to make ur story or ur self look better, but ........when she using her daughter (me) and using my personal life , it is unforgivable... WHY IS ALWAYS ABOUT HER ??? why she never see me ?? <br />
i heard a new study that when u become selfish , blame it to ur mom. SHE kind a 'teaching it' to you.... <br />
well my grandma (the mother of my selfish mom) she a lot more selfish.... <br />
i understand now.......some people say for me being patient, and just pray to ALLAH or GOD , to be surrender to GOD, well it doesn't work... <br />
<br />
when i have a right time, i will bring it to the table , i using her words against her........she so clever using the words to against me and another time using opposite words to against me. <br />
she is mother, should be a place like home, not a place like night mare...

OMG My mum is just like your mum but my mum was so bad once i had to call the police i wanted to kill myself i got a knife and went to cut my wrists and shes like if you want to die then why dont i just do it myself so i was like fine then she told the police that i tried to kill her!! Then another time i was lyk im going out she was like fine i dont care then 1 hour later she sent me a text when i was out on the streets in my Pjs saying come bak otherwise im calling the police. And Yesterday she was like Holding her hand round my neck saying tidy up the mess in the lounge or im going 2 kill you!! She wouldnt really but shes just threatning me!! If i were you i would give your mum a good slap i hit my mum if she hits me!

Wow, you think you have it bad? My mom is way worth. She's selfish, greedy, stupid(literally), control freak, violent, hypocrite, loud, unforgiving, evil(yes it's true),egoistic, lazy, bipolar, 0 patience, and most of all she never even think for a moment that she's wrong on anything. She is incredibly angry all the times, and blames her family for all her problem. She will come to my room and get angry at me for nothing or something I did from the past which is something small. After reading every one's experience, I can confidently say she's one of the worst mom a person can have. FYI, I pray to god all the time, it calms me down. But nothing can calm my insane mother down. I literally think she's controlled by 20 devils at once. And the examples you mentioned happens to me almost every day or week. The moral of the story is that some one will always have it worse than you. I'm pretty sure some one might have it worse than me. And I wish I can move out too, but she won't let me get a job. So, you can see, no money=no moving out. I'm a guy, so maybe secretly joining the army might work.Anyways, I wish the best of luck to you. The only way is to get as far away from our mother as possible.

My mom is just like yours, my brother even agrees!<br />
I don't think that a counselor would help, she could lie, my mom surely does...<br />
my only advise is, to get out of her way as often as possible, stay at your friends house as long as you can and move to your own place if you are old enough and if you have enough money.<br />
then break of the contact to her<br />
thats my plan, and I think I'll stick to it

My Lord, it`s like I`ve been reading about MY mother..she`s exactly the same crazy type. When I was little she kept me punished for days, with all the "screaming/ fighting/ crises" luggage, because accidentally I droped some paint on my math book. God, such ugly memories! Or, another time, just like in your story, she kept contradicting erself, screaming at me to get out of the house, and when I said "fine", she threatened me by calling the police or something ( offtopic, my reply to that was "Not if I call the Mental Institution first!"..) and so on, neverending fights.. And the fact that, she`s talking to anyone who happens to be there about how "stupid, or worthless or other invented situations to make me look like a fool", it`s abuse..<br />
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You`re not alone, and as reading all these stories I get more and more convinced to brake this vicious cycle once for all. Wish you the best, try to be strong and don`t let go of hope..

::just hugs and hugs you:: There is so much pain in your words. I understand how you are feeling because I had a toxic parent as well, in my case, my dad. But there IS hope. What I would do is see if you can talk to a school counselor, or try and get into some kind of therapy in any way you can find it. You need someone to advocate for you--someone your mother cannot sway away from their ob<x>jectivity.<br />
<br />
I hope you find healing and peace.