Hating the behaviour, not the person. Still Angry, 'Mommie Dearest'.

Warning - if you think all mothers are always saintly, kind, non-violent and non-abusive and are informed that reality is otherwise, and don't like to read this reality, you will not be at a stage in your understanding of this.  And why should you be?    You might be one of those who had a half decent mother.  Consider yourself very privileged if you had a good mother.

Warning - if you are offended by this story or this group or similar groups, its the truth and nothing but the truth.    And please do not trouble yourself to be offended.   If your mother was always wonderful, I am happy for you, but this is not an attack on your mother, so please do not project your feeings.  

This is not an attack on motherhood either.  Or your religion (if applicable).

She hit me often as a child and threw objects at me often.  She allowed that person to beat me up and stab me often with knives, forks and the rest. 

I'm not some teenager who is angry that mum did some minor thing.  I'm an adult who has been therapy for my mother's behaviour.  I try to learn and forgive. 

Right now.  I am angry today and I realise why.  Incredible though it might seem, my 'mother's' grotesque behaviour at Christmas is still with me.  Its March now.  So the anger is the anger of the past many years.    She was bizarre in that she doesn't even seem to notice that other people notice her abuse. Interestingly, my brother has started to stand up to her (but now is too aggressive himself at times).

She was emotionally abusive and sick.   I suggest she has a personality disorder at the very least: advanced narcissism.  Aspects point to severe paranoia.  Terrible to say, but she has sadistic tendencies.   I could write more but you wouldn't believe me.    Only a few would.  Mommie Dearest.

And she is middle class; don't for a minute think that all is good in middle class homes; you just don't get to read about it.  'Scream silently so the neighbours don't hear'.

I have a right to my anger and to protect myself.  

Bluegrass Bluegrass
46-50, F
2 Responses Mar 7, 2010

*Sylph hugs BlueG....... while they shimmy*<br />
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So sorry that this happened to you... I completely understand... and know what you went and are going through......... Didn't realize there was a group for this... But I am joining this group, too...<br />
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We make do with what we've got... hatred and all... Does that make us bad persons? I don't think so... but we do try to make it better for other people going through the same emotional dilemma...<br />
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*hugs again*

It's good you realize where the anger comes from. My ex let his anger from his mom rule his life. She was the mommy dearest type too. Very manipulative, abusive, secretive. She spent a lot of time trying to screw people up. He knew it, was tired of hearing it, but never dealt with or understood it. I tell him he has a right to be angry about it. He says he doesn't. Then he ends up displacing his mistrust and well...I know where that got him. : / <br />
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Just because your history is bad doesn't mean you end up being a bad person. You learn, you grow, and you understand that yes...anger is a part of realizing and healing. A good healthy anger that isn't acted out on at a very bad time. Coping with that anger is the next immediate step. What your mom did shouldn't happen to any child but does. Even knowing that it does...makes me angry! And you are right, it is behavior. People's intentions, choices, and they way they act them out makes all the difference.