Inside

My parents got divorced when i was a year an a half old. Four years later my mom remarried a man named Mike. Mike was great at first, but within a year the abuse started. Bruised and cuts on my legs when i was five years old because me and my older sister were talking before we fell asleep like normal kids do. Coming to my mother i was told i was over reacting, but once i showed her my bruise and scrapes she let me put ice on them and told me to keep it a secret from my dad, so i did as i was told, but my dad found out and was furious.

Then 5 years later, after my mom and step dad had two kids of their own, it happened again, this time from wearing my socks outside. I was thrown over a couch. When telling my mom she didn't believe me and sided with her husband. That was the end of my physical abuse. My older sister, my only blood sister, was thrown out of a chair at an even older age. I have had child services and the police come to my house multiple times from random callers calling about about to me and my sister.

My step dad was in the service and is very strict. He also loves to yell and doesn't know how to change the tone of his voice. I have been torn down so many time but i have always kept it in and never did anything. My sister on the other hand resorted to cutting and inflicting pain upon herself. This tore both of us down. My mom remained married to him.

How can someone remain with a person who does that to her kids. How does someone live with herself. I am not her favorite and most likely the least. I have always tried to get her attention and nothing works. I'm a college student now and she is paying for half of my college and my dad pays for the other half. I was to tell her off and list everything that's on my mind. I don't understand how you don't care about your kids. I went to states all 4 years in track and field and i have been running for 9 years. She never went to one of my state meets and only one of my districts/regional meets. How do you not support your child. How do you not do everything in their power to help them.I call my friends moms "mom" because they are more of my mother then she has ever been.  I have been so hurt and so neglected that i cant stand it. I carry my head high and always have a smile but deep inside I'm hurting like no other. I hate it. I just want someone that  will care about me.

neglected18 neglected18
18-21, F
3 Responses Mar 9, 2010

I really feel for you. It is obviously painful. <br />
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I know it feels like you are dead inside but eventually someone will come along and wake you up and make you feel alive. <br />
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You know when bonding to things together with adhesive it helps to scratch up the pieces where they will join together. You have been prepared and when you find someone else who has been prepared you will bond with each other strongly.

my heart so goes out to you. My step mom was the abuser in our family. My dad protected her and took her side. I so know what you are feeling. BETRAYAL. I wish I had some answers for you. All I can tell you is that one day you will be able to get away from it and get as far away from it as you can. Someday maybe you will forgive your mom, but give yourself some time. You will call the shots and you will set the perimeters of the relationship. HUGS

That is such a sad story. I am so sorry you've had to experience that. I come from an abusive home too and it was also my dad that had a really bad temper. When he got mad, my brother and I used to pray that he'd take his belt off and beat us with it because if he didn't use his belt he'd use his hands and they were much worse. At the time, I didn't know I was abused. I just thought my father was strict. Back then, that sort of thing wasn't openly discussed. What happened inside a family stayed inside the family. Thank goodness that changed. I was lucky enough to meet a wonderful girl that helped me talk through stuff. Ironically, she (my wife now for 33 years) was 5 years younger than me, but was wise beyond her years and was a good listener. Having someone to open up to that really listens and doesn't judge is a wonderful thing. My listener turned my life around and today I'm a very happy person. I hope you find your listener, but until you do I'd try to help any way I can if you want. I'm not a pro (trained professional)...just an old fart with similar life experiences and a big heart that feels for you.