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Until The Last Breath

This is my second draft. I had to stop myself from writing the first one. Because I can't. There won't be details in this post. I can not bring myself to do so. There are just some things better left hidden in the closet. My mom is one of them.

I have not spoken with her for over 10 years. The day we last talked was the day my husband had his heart attack. That is how stressed he was getting involved in my dark past. He almost died. And I swore on that last day my mom and I talked that she will have nothing to do with my family ever again. I have to protect my own. A fairy has to protect her own NeVeRLaND.

And so I kept her hidden. Only a handful of people knows, in real life. Whether I am too humiliated or terribly angry with her, I can not make myself talk about what happened. A few of my EP friends knows as much as you do now. One person actually noticed why I never talk about her.

She is as evil as evil can get. She is manipulative and wicked. She holds a certain charm that makes everything look rosy to the unknowing eyes. But as any fairytale goes, the masked witch is always revealed in the end. This fairy now awaits if the fairytale will ever have a happily ever after.

Sylph very much doubts that.

Sylph carries the burden until the last breath.

Sylphy Sylphy 41-45, F 27 Responses Mar 28, 2010

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((hugs))

Shhh... it's all right, Dean. hugs...

*sits with faerie*

*hands you pina colada*
*takes pina colada umbrella and places it behind your ear*

Im feeeling very awkward. Couldnt I have a Corona?

Oh c'mon... take the pina colada! Then we dance to reggae...

We be jammin mon.

And hooka?

No mon. You got to roll your own.

Bahaha... I'm sure faerie can get a hit or two around.

Uh huh. Lol

Faerie would share...

I wonder what the yogis would say

Don't they do that? *shows you surprised face*

You tell me. Im a novice.

I've yet to find out. ;)

Must be in an advanced class.

The 'take a toke' asana

Or a special class... *wiggles faeriebrows*

*whack* how can you meditate with dead brain cells.

Well, if they're dead, then they're shushed, no?
And don't whack the faerie! *whack*

See. Weed makes you violent.

You whacked first! *whack*

Because I caaarrrreeee!

*whack*

Awww... I'm almost tempted to say: "whack me more"...

Well evidently I dont do things with women. *folds arms and pouts*

Who said so?
*tickles arms... squishes your face to smile*

You did! *whack*

Did not! I only handed you a mirror... while faerie adds dreadlocks on you... *bats faerielashes*

You implied it.

Was only teasing. *hands you more pina colada with lots of rum*

Thats where all the rum went.

No... some monkeys stole them.

Hey. Thats my story!

You have accused faerie of being a thief. I'm living up to your word.

32 More Responses

Closing this chapter... learning to forgive myself instead.

may you get happiness here and here after.~sunshines~

Thank you for your words of support, Red. Even if I try to explain, I can not. Our lives were just too knotted and to pry it apart is like knife slicing through my skin. I can never have the courage to stop the knife... *hugs*...

People are really good at hiding who they really are by masking themselves with what is known as good intentions. Sounds to me that your mum is the type of person who has had a terribl;e life and inn order to make up for it, she must live her life over through you. What pains me is that when yuo are a child, you think that your parents can do no wrong and that they are infalible. the shock is, they aren't. These are one of many things that would pull the rug out from under a family. Deception, hate, self centerness and lies. You had to do what you think is right sylph and there is no reason for you to have to explain. The word evil says it all.

Words... or maybe I can call you WoW... too cute... I bounced to your story, read and commented on it before I wrote here. We do lead similar lives... how uncanny that is... or perhaps I have been blinded, too by my own hatred that I failed to see what is happening around me.<br />
<br />
Strange, too that we have names to call our mothers, and not as moms... nightmare, disastrous fate, tragedy... I call her as my dark past, my bane, my burden...<br />
<br />
I wish you peace... *hugs*...

Sylph13<br />
You and I might have grown in a totally 2 different countries and cultures, BUT, we do share the same exact pain, I'm afraid for my husband's health now because he is trying to pull me out of my pain and I'm not able to let go.<br />
I hate to call her my mother, I can call her my nightmare, my desastrous fate, my tragedy. but mother that's too much credit for her.<br />
I wish I can do exactly the same what you're doing I want to cut her off my life, but she is chasing me to wants "money" and other stuff.<br />
but trust me we do have the same exact stories, me too, just mentioning one of her stories to you members will keep you shocked for a week.

Isn't it wonderful? It's like you're best friends, no?<br />
<br />
*Sylph struts...*... That'll be wicked and naughty, Taken... *batting eyelashes*...

Oh, I don't know about not letting fairies down there... where do the wicked faeries go??<br />
<br />
Thank you, Taken... it must have been very difficult for you to comment here. And in doing so made you stronger as well. We just have to make good in our lives that we don't end up like them. It is a lesson learned........... *hugs*...

I was raised as a Catholic... but have grown away from it in my adult life. Hence, I hear my own self arguing about this in my head. <br />
<br />
Okay... maybe not hell... purgatory... though this is just a state of being... until saved...... but who shall save me but myself? ..........aaahhh... confusing...

Yes, Roj... I stay away... I let my family stay away......... that's one of the reasons I agreed to live here... to be away....... from her...

Wow Sylph. I'd missed this story. And would probably write paragraphs along the lines of previous commentors. Ending with... you're definitely not a bad person. Sometimes you can work to change people, other times you're stuck with what you've got, and staying away can be the best for all concerned.

It did help, Rog... such darkness in our past is always difficult to deal with. Friends would often ask about her, why I don't talk about her... I always come up with a joke about it because I can never tell them. My hubby's family do not ask, either. Though one time, my sister-in-law asked me about their niece who refused to talk to her mom who left them when she was only barely two. Because the niece, who was a teenager at that time, was and still is very close to me, my sis in-law opted to ask for my help and bridge the gap, so to speak. I told my sis in-law... "You are clearly talking to the wrong person. I happen to side with your niece". They never bothered asking me about my mom after that.<br />
<br />
Sometimes, I feel I am such a bad person for being like this. But if it would take the heavens to send me to hell for disobeying one of the Ten Commandments, just for me to protect my family... then I shall go to hell then.

A sweet revenge....... sworn and committed....... a fairy vow........<br />
*hugs to you, too*.......... Thank you again, More.......

I'm sure you're a great mother, Sylph. That probably is the best 'revenge' you can take. And the most beautiful too!<br />
(((hugs)))

*Sylph hugs More*......... it's a sad tale...... one that may leave me scarred for life...... and what I can do now is just make it better for the next generation........ making sure that I won't get pushed in the closet..... thanks, More........

it's so terribly sad. A mom should be there to be loved and return the love she gave. Apparently not all of them are worthy of that most noble name. to be a mother should be adorable...

Dean......... So what did you figure out, ay? What about being a daddy's girl???<br />
<br />
K........ thank you....... *hugging you back*......... It is always the kids who suffer... having too much, too less, or none at all is each difficult for the children....... There really is no handbook to be a perfect parent...... but parents must always strive to give their very best to their children, in whatever capacity they could........ Otherwise, I do not understand why have the children in the first place.....<br />
I hope things work out better with your child and ex.....

I am so sorry Sylph. <br />
Your relationship or lack thereof makes me jarringly think on the relationship my ex husband is having (not having...) with our child. <br />
It is the kids who suffer adults' stupidity, cruelty and neglect.<br />
<br />
(((Hugs))) K.

Daddys girl! Figures.

Dean....... aaahhh.... not too tight now........ can't breath...... ack, ack............ okay, thanks!<br />
<br />
Ever..... thank you...... since I was young, I did not really talk to her much... the mom-daughter relationship never existed. I was just there for her as an excuse, using me to get her way and wants. The people were so blinded to see this, so stupid not to realize it before. It took years for them to finally understand what was going on... some even blamed me for not saying anything (talk about support, huh?)....... I am closer with my dad, being the eldest, a daddy's girl to the very core... but he passed away when I was 13....... and I am certain this is one reason for my mom's wickedness....... aside from that, my mom is just a mental case......... *Sylph shoves dark past again in the closet*............. *hugs*

I'm so sorry Sylph, i totally understand. I hardly bother with my mum now, she has tried to ruin my marriage so many times. She can be so evil as well.....she's a nasty piece of work. I'm giving you a big hug right now because i know when times are hard alls you need is a proper mum to talk to, like any daughter would, and we've got what we've got. My mum once thought it would be funny to tell a shop assistant and the rest of the shop how she never wanted me and how "....kids ruin your life". Or another of my favs is telling some random person that there's nothing right with me from my head my @*%£!. <br />
<br />
Basically i know how you feel......i'll always be here for you *hugs* xx

My brave Fairie.*((((((((HUGS))))))))*

Haha...<br />
Correction though........... Super Fairy........ ;)

Yes, you are a super woman. I'm amazed.

*Sylph pushes dark past in the closet again*<br />
<br />
Don't be sorry, Jimmy. It's just the way it is. I've come to live with this fact already. But when people ask about her, that's when I get messed up. She screwed me up big time. I'm just glad I'm Super Sylph and I could whack my way out of anything... or at least I try........ thank you, Jimmy.... *hugs*

Sylph, I'm glad you are able to write this much. Try not to hate, even though you do need to protect yourself and your family. I have known very good people who have had to make hard decisions like yours. My Grandmother never saw her mother after about the age of 20. I'm so sorry. :(