Yeah, yeah, it's nothing horrible and I'm sure many people could live with it. Considering that, and the level of hate I've always had for the name, my story may come off as pretty extreme. In fact this is the first time I ever introduce myself with that name on the internet.

I guess I'm just an abnormally picky person when it comes to my tastes. For some reason I've always had a deep embarrassment of it. The thing I hate the most about it is the way it sounds, it sounds gross, harsh, almost manly. I just hate the sound of it. The farthest I can remember was when I was 4 years old, I was already talking about changing my name. I wanted to change it to Lauren, which was my friend's name at the time. All the way up to 1st grade I would write "Lauren" in my papers and I can still remember my art teacher and several kids trying to figure out who the paper belonged to.

I started going on the internet when I was about 9-10 years old in websites like freewebs and neopets and always told people I met online that my name was "Haylie". It was like phases, sometimes I would go through a phase where I promised I would one day change it to "Lauren" then "Haylie" then "Jenny".

In first grade my teacher once randomly told me "you know what your name means in English? Dawn.". Lol, well somehow I misheard her say "Diane". From that day forth I thought I now had an excuse to actually get people to call me another name without being weird. I moved schools in 4th grade and immediately put my new teacher to the side and explained that I would like her to call me Diane for such and such reason. When the first girl leaned forward to ask for my name I whispered "Diane". I'm cringing right now remember the embarrassment all that made me go through. My teacher pointing me out to read something and saying "uh..what did you want me to call you again" and I just awkwardly said ", right.." without eye contact and began reading without answering her question. Eventually everyone found out my real name, except for my gym teacher which never found out. She even called out "Diane" in the award ceremony at the end of the year (also embarrassing stuff). Some friends I still have from back then still call me Diane.

I'm now 18 and in the progress of FINALLY changing my name. I have actually held back on getting a driver's license and getting a job because I don't ever want my current name to ever be imprinted on anything, ever. Despite the logic of "you can change it later". Other things to add, I get immensely angry when someone calls out "alba" out loud in public and I'm forced to respond to it.
xoyarnball xoyarnball
Jan 5, 2013